8-Page DC Comics Subway Ad Makes Aquaman Look Like A Tool

06.17.11 7 years ago 9 Comments

Every now and then, people ask me why I stopped buying comics by the individual issue. My answer? Crap like the crap you’re about to witness.
DC Comics has been struggling, and they’ve responded in about the stupidest way possible: cutting comics down to twenty pages instead of twenty-two, which has infuriated artists and writers who get paid by the page, and shoving in these eight-page inserts to plug whoever is willing to pay for them. This week, it’s Subway, and the result is a cross between that Superman issue where he fights Ali and a Marvel Hostess Fruit Pie ad, except it’s eight pages long and far more idiotic than it sounds.
Also, it dropkicks Aquaman right in the nards. Here are the highlights, scanned by our friends at Bleeding Cool, in a handy dandy gallery.

I like how, despite the sincere effort on the faces, the bodies all look like “generic muscular guy”.
That’s a little too much enthusiasm for a freaking sandwich.
Why does this have so much dialogue? Did Bendis ghostwrite this? It sucks enough for him to be involved.
Yeah…Aquaman needs the help of three normal guys. Didn’t Black Manta start killing people? Isn’t taking him on if you’re not, oh, Aquaman a really bad idea?
Batman in broad daylight and Aquaman can’t swim after a meal. Forget what I said about Bendis: now I’m thinking Judd Winick.
Well, I guess he doesn’t care if it’s soggy…
Superman and Green Lantern are needed to beat up Black Manta to get someone’s sandwich back? Isn’t this a job for Airwave or Blue Jay?
I saw a movie where a statuesque white woman asked three black guys the same question. It was on the Internet. It had a better ending.
Just wait until Brad Meltzer retcons this so Black Manta was mind-erased into being a loser and commits a rape for no reason.
Meanwhile, the tattered remains of Michael Strahan’s dignity takes the money off the nightstand and curls into a fetal position, weeping.
[ thanks also to The Mary Sue ]

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