‘Game of Thrones’ gives no quarter, will not drop hints for the final two episodes

Ahhh, the episode synopsis. That tiny bit of description that can be the difference between “I”m going to watch this” and “Meh, what else is on?”. Some shows embrace their descriptions with flowery prose, some go with Spartan-like efficiency, and some (looking at you Mad Men) seem to make a game of being as cryptically vague as possible.

Then there”s Game of Thrones. They play by their own rules, and right now those rules mean the show is behind a wall of secrecy taller than The Wall.

As reported by EW, HBO has decided to forgo ANY descriptions at all. The final two episodes of Season 6 will be like blood-soaked fresh-fallen snow: pure until the moment of reveal*. All we”ll know going in is the episodes were written by showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, they”re both directed by Miguel Sapochnik (“Hardhome”), and the finale will be the longest in the show”s history.

*Not that that has stopped IMDB from putting up vague descriptions anyway.

Oh, and the episode titles themselves. Which could be considered episode descriptions on their own. Next week we have “The Battle of the Bastards.” Pretty self-explanatory. We”ll no doubt be spending most – if not all – of the episode with Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton as they fight over the North and the future of Winterfell. Perhaps Littlefinger”s army will arrive. Perhaps Coldhands and Bran. Maybe even Nymeria and her wolves. Or maybe Jon will perish again, and Melisandre will have to shove his soul back into his husk once more. Regardless, it”ll be one hell of a fight.

Then there”s the season finale, “The Winds of Winter.” Yes, it”s the title of George R.R. Martin”s next book. But it is probably also a reminder that all these battles over castles are kind of stupid. Everyone is just thinning their numbers before the Night King rolls in with his minions to take over the world. My guess? The season isn”t going to end on a happy note. Shocking, I know.