There was an avalanche or two of news out of this year’s D23 Expo, and with good reason: Disney now owns everything. But the best thing to come out of it was a red carpet interview with Jeff Goldblum, in which he was belatedly informed, live on camera, about Spider-Man leaving the MCU. Yes, it was even better than word of a Jeff Goldblum TV show.
— Variety (@Variety) August 23, 2019
The interview was with no less than Variety, a journalist for whom caught up with the famously gregarious actor, jazz musician, and Marvel joke-villain. She casually blurted out news that Peter Parker was being forcibly divorced from Marvel, to the apparent mega-shock of the Mr. Frost star.
It’s an incredible moment, worth breaking down. As the news trickles out, first his jaw slackens. Then his eyes violently flutter. Then he starts mouthing something, something vague. Then, when Variety’s capable, cucumber-cool journo mentions divorce, he explodes: His eyes shoot wide open, his body convulses, and he lets out a quick, violent “No!”
Goldblum manages to gain some control over his body and words, replying, “This is the first I’ve heard of it,” he says. “I’m crestfallen!” Then he loses control again, repeatedly stumbling over the letters “sk” before finally regaining control enough to say, “What’s happening?”
You said it, brother. He then loses control again, his face twisting into grotesque shapes as his eyes close and he leans forward. Then he leans back and starts mouthing words again — it might be “Marvel” and “Sony”? — and, for some reason, making sneering faces, then licking his lips.
His body and mind spring back once more, only for him to admit, “I’m not a business person, whatever saying is Greek to me.” He then starts…speaking Italian? Finally he calms down, reassuring Variety‘s journalist, and us, that “it’ll all work out, I’m sure. Good luck, they’ll figure it out.” The clip concludes with him regaining control for good, settling into his patented charming grin.
The whole thing sums up how many of us feel about Spider-gate, when corporate overlords mess let hubris and erratic whims necessitate how they run their business, creating dysfunction for no reason than they can. It’s also some of Goldblum’s finest improvisatory work — and this coming from one of the screen’s least predictable eccentrics.
Naturally, he received rave reviews.
— The Playlist 🎬 (@ThePlaylist) August 24, 2019
Petition for Jeff Goldblum to have a cameo in the Loki series. pic.twitter.com/YrAT0yYJUQ
— Cade Grimm ☀️ LOKI SERIES ४ (@CadeRGrimm) August 24, 2019
jeff goldblum on the spider-man corporate wrangling is *chef's kiss* pic.twitter.com/PaHGC7O0ev
— Oliver Willis (@owillis) August 24, 2019
Jeff Goldblum’s reaction when he found out Spider-Man is leaving the MCU is the funniest shit ever poor man JSJSJ pic.twitter.com/EHUePqHLAO
— sara ⎊ (@downeysreactor) August 25, 2019
Some felt it validated a long-held theory that Jeff Goldblum is secretly an alien.
Goldblum mouthing "sony and marvel" like it's an alien language deserves a Peabody. Powerful, enlightening, invigorating. https://t.co/zM0KIo0nKv
— Nia DaCosta (@NiaDaCosta) August 24, 2019
it truly must be a wild experience to have a conversation with jeff goldblum and it’s an experience i want to have lmao pic.twitter.com/qkXMwNUsi9
— " (@starkfalcons) August 24, 2019
Although others found him quite relatable.
Every-time anyone asks me about superheroes 😂 Shoutout to Jeff Goldblum, I love that man. pic.twitter.com/YsQT2rTP2c
— Mena Massoud (@MenaMassoud) August 25, 2019
— Complex (@Complex) August 24, 2019
jeff goldblum literally went through all stages of grief while hearing that spiderman is leaving mcu sksksjsj pic.twitter.com/bZCzRnHctx
— joanne (@hiddlestomas) August 24, 2019
This 45-second interview clip is a rich and dense text, so some broke down and isolated instant classic bits.
Jeff Goldblum saying sksksksk. You're welcome. pic.twitter.com/ErGJqBdUZf
— Gabs (@Demonlighter) August 25, 2019
did jeff goldblum literally just say skskksksksk pic.twitter.com/0K4QFuWhcw
— ali !! (@widowscapt) August 24, 2019
love or hate Jeff goldblum he is speaking straight facts here pic.twitter.com/PZ7mpbFrMk
— bill hader is 6’2 (@hadersbiII) August 24, 2019
therapist: confused jeff goldblum can’t hurt you
confused jeff goldblum: pic.twitter.com/deOke6rj7W
— em is seeing ariana ☁️ ⎊ (@starksgrandes) August 24, 2019
Strangest thing of all, this wasn’t Goldblum’s only mind-melting D23 bit.