Jeff Goldblum Learning About Spider-Man’s Marvel Divorce Is Beautifully Bizarre, Even For Jeff Goldblum


There was an avalanche or two of news out of this year’s D23 Expo, and with good reason: Disney now owns everything. But the best thing to come out of it was a red carpet interview with Jeff Goldblum, in which he was belatedly informed, live on camera, about Spider-Man leaving the MCU. Yes, it was even better than word of a Jeff Goldblum TV show.

The interview was with no less than Variety, a journalist for whom caught up with the famously gregarious actor, jazz musician, and Marvel joke-villain. She casually blurted out news that Peter Parker was being forcibly divorced from Marvel, to the apparent mega-shock of the Mr. Frost star.

It’s an incredible moment, worth breaking down. As the news trickles out, first his jaw slackens. Then his eyes violently flutter. Then he starts mouthing something, something vague. Then, when Variety’s capable, cucumber-cool journo mentions divorce, he explodes: His eyes shoot wide open, his body convulses, and he lets out a quick, violent “No!”

Goldblum manages to gain some control over his body and words, replying, “This is the first I’ve heard of it,” he says. “I’m crestfallen!” Then he loses control again, repeatedly stumbling over the letters “sk” before finally regaining control enough to say, “What’s happening?”

You said it, brother. He then loses control again, his face twisting into grotesque shapes as his eyes close and he leans forward. Then he leans back and starts mouthing words again — it might be “Marvel” and “Sony”? — and, for some reason, making sneering faces, then licking his lips.

His body and mind spring back once more, only for him to admit, “I’m not a business person, whatever saying is Greek to me.” He then starts…speaking Italian? Finally he calms down, reassuring Variety‘s journalist, and us, that “it’ll all work out, I’m sure. Good luck, they’ll figure it out.” The clip concludes with him regaining control for good, settling into his patented charming grin.

The whole thing sums up how many of us feel about Spider-gate, when corporate overlords mess let hubris and erratic whims necessitate how they run their business, creating dysfunction for no reason than they can. It’s also some of Goldblum’s finest improvisatory work — and this coming from one of the screen’s least predictable eccentrics.

Naturally, he received rave reviews.

Some felt it validated a long-held theory that Jeff Goldblum is secretly an alien.

Although others found him quite relatable.

Or educational.

This 45-second interview clip is a rich and dense text, so some broke down and isolated instant classic bits.

Strangest thing of all, this wasn’t Goldblum’s only mind-melting D23 bit.