Remember when Vince McMahon took the numbers out of WrestleMania because saying “WrestleMania 31” made the event seem too old? Well, in another move to youth-anize the company, WWE announced on RAW that they hired a nigh-50-year-old guy from CBS to host WrestleMania. That’s right, kids. Don’t call it a comeback because LL Cool J is here to crush the grandest stage of them all like a jelly bean. If only John Tenta were alive, they could have a feud to see who’s head is really like a shark’s fin. I could do this all day, guys.
I get that for WWE, it’s probably nice to have the same guy who hosts the Grammys host WrestleMania. On all of the other hands, LL Cool J is more known for examining pubes on CSI: Show Me On The Doll Where He Touched You than he is for being the best rapper of 1987. They’d be better off having Salt-N-Pepa show up and sing “PUSH HIM REAL GOOD” as Roman Reigns walks to the ring.
It seems like so long ago that they had Nas and DMX songs introduce the main-event to ‘Mania. Now, we’re subjected to Flo-Rida, Machine Gun Kelly and Wiz Khalifa. Great. Maybe there’s a clause that no guest rapper can be better than John Cena. I bet he performs f*cking “Head Sprung,” too. Shoot me now.
