Previously on The Best and Worst of Smackdown: Kane is now in charge of Smackdown, even though he refuses to stop chokeslamming The Authority’s hand-picked champion, which I got really irrationally angry about. Meanwhile, Natalya emerged as the surprising voice of reason against Paige, who’s now the living embodiment of WWE, and Cesaro barely managed to beat Bo Dallas. Also, uh, some former Shield guys wrestled in the main-event! Man, this new format isn’t going to work quite as well with Smackdown, is it?
Keep on a-scrollin’ for The Best and Worst of Smackdown for Oct. 1, 2015.
Worst: Everything Is Still Stupid And Terrible
Update: I still hate this stupid garbage storyline! I realize I’d be much happier if I could enjoy this Kane stuff ironically, but I can’t do it. It’s dumb, but it’s not dumb enough to be funny. Kane should be jumping into conspicuously-placed phone booths and transforming from Corporate Kane to Demon Kane in a puff of smoke. He should be bringing in fellow demons to vouch for the fact that Demon Kane was chilling in hell while Corporate Kane was booking Seth Rollins in a tag match or whatever. Instead, WWE has maintained this certain dreary level of underlying realism that kills the thing.
There needs to be some hint or tease that there is more than one Kane. That something strange actually is going on. As it is, we just have this guy everybody knows has two personas shrugging and saying “no I don’t” over and over again in the face of obvious, damning evidence to contrary. Kane is a manipulative dickhole and for some reason everybody in WWE is on his side or at least turning a blind eye. Is there a conspiracy within WWE to drive Seth Rollins insane? Why don’t The Authority care that their golden boy is being harassed and mentally tortured? Also, am I supposed to be siding with Kane through all this? That passive-aggressive jerkwad is the most unlikable heel WWE has had in years.
Seth comes out to complain about the HR lady nonsense from Raw, which apparently has had no lasting repercussions, so really, who cares? Rollins rightfully points out that Kane’s actions are either baldly manipulative, or the work of a man with dangerous mental issues, to which Kane fires back with a stinging “I know you’re crazy, but what am I?” Kane then books Rollins and The New Day vs. Demon Kane and The Dudleyz. Okay, I’ll admit Kane booking Kane was kind of clever. Seth says that he refuses to wrestle the match unless Corporate Kane is also at ringside, and Kane agrees. Wait, Seth can refuse to take part in Kane-booked matches? Why doesn’t he do that, I dunno, ALL THE TIME? How will Kane manage to be in two places at once? No spoilers, but the answer will disappoint and bore you!
Best: Making A (Banks) Statement
Well lookie here, Team BAD managed to escape Main-Event or wherever they’ve been held captive the past few weeks. And Sasha has something to say – nobody really cares about who started the Divas Revolution or Nikki Bella’s title reign, it’s what’s going to happen in the future that matters. Preach, girl.
The Bellas vs. Team BAD was good solid stuff. Certainly the best match on this show. As I’ve mentioned before, Naomi has upped her game and is now a full, productive member of Team BAD, and now even Tamina seems to be finding her niche. Sure, her niche is just standing in the middle of the ring playing female Mark Henry, but hey, work within your limits. The final minutes of the match were hot stuff, with Nikki wiping girls out with stiff forearms and clotheslines, before falling victim to a stealthy Sasha and the Banks Statement. Nikki being forced to tap out while Naomi and Tamina hold a desperate Brie at bay was a good, visceral finish.
Now, where do we go from here? WWE has a frustrating habit of giving Sasha a big main roster win, then forgetting to book her for the next two weeks. Hopefully Sasha Banks chants aren’t her only presence on Raw.
Best: Seth Sees The Light
Seth has been teamed up with The New Day a few times recently, and he’s always acted like he was annoyed by them, which has felt off to me. They should have a Brotherhood of Self-Promoting Heels camaraderie going on. Don’t listen to what your girlfriend has to say about New Day, Seth. Don’t listen to her about most things.
Thankfully, The New Day managed to exorcise Seth’s negativity with the Power of Positivity, vigorous clapping and CrossFit references. Was Seth Rollins punch-chanting “I’m, the man!” through the halls with Xavier Woods backing him up on trombone the most triumphant moment he’s had since WrestleMania? YUP.
Best: Threats And Ultimatums
So, our hard-hitting JoJournalist asks Charlotte and Becky what’s up with Paige, and Charlotte throws down the “she’s either with us or against us” gauntlet. Paige sidles up and asks whether that was an ultimatum, and Charlotte says Paige has given them no other choice. Being that this is apparently the first time these three women have discussed any of this since Raw, I’m going to go out on a limb and say Paige isn’t with ’em, and Charlotte and Becky should just let it drop.
After that little showdown, Paige turns right around into an angry Natalya, who says Paige will be sorry she ever met her if she disrespects her again. This was still all very snarky and Mean Girls-ish, but at least one of these women (Paige) has a unique personality, and we’re building storylines other than “This Divas Revolution is really on fire!” I want to see Paige vs. Natalya, and to a lesser extent, Paige vs. Charlotte, so something is being done right. Baby steps.
Best: He Almost Made It!
I’ll admit, I’ve been enjoying this Ryback/Kevin Owens feud more than I thought I would. Sure, I’d rather Owens was wrestling almost anybody else, but by Ryback standards, this feud has been pretty passable. This particular match was probably Ryback and Kevin Owens’ best to date, which, again, is somewhat faint praise, but Owens is doing the best with what he has to work with.
Owens was clearly controlling the bout with an iron Canadian fist, and as a result it was much better paced than your average Ryback match. For his part, Ryback managed to avoid any major screw-ups, although he did hit a top-rope Michinoku Driver that was slightly terrifying. In the end, Owens intentionally took a count out, but he did a good job of portraying it as a strategic decision, rather than a cowardly thing. So, this feud has to continue on until at least Hell in a Cell, after which Owens hopefully no longer has to work on making a silk purse out of a cauliflowered Ryback ear.
Worst: Can I Take Neville vs. Stardust Off My Pull List?
Hey, guys, this Neville/Stardust feud is almost like one-a them SUPERHERO COMIC BOOKS! One where the hero fights the same villain in every single issue! Seriously, even Batman occasionally takes a break from punching The Joker to fight Orca The Whale Woman or whoever. Have Stardust wrestle Damien Sandow in a Thor costume or something. Anything.
Best: Men Of Few Words (For Once)
Well, I didn’t see this coming – WWE managed to get me back into Bray Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns this week. On Smackdown, Bray came out and fired off a few standard quips about how he’s immortal and time is a flat circle and so forth, but then the talking ended. Roman Reigns came down, Bray backed his lackeys off, and Bray and Roman just stared each other down. WWE turned the lights up super bright so Bray and Roman’s faces were extra crispy and contrasted, and dammit if I didn’t feel some electricity.
Finally, Roman grabs the mic, but the only thing he has to say is “Hell in a Cell.” Bam. Two guys beat each other up on Raw, give each other the stink eye, then vow to fight in a giant cage. That’s all you need. No spooky soliloquies or catchphrases required. Their gentlemanly cage match agreement made, Roman backs out of the ring while Bray yells “I hope you’re willing to die!” and, yes sir, I am down for this.
Worst: Taking The Path Of Least Interest
In theory this main event set up where Kane has to be both in the ring and at ringside could have resulted in some interesting, fun stuff. And in theory, communism works. In theory.
They could have had a fake Demon Kane come out, which would at least make this stupid storyline about something. Kane would actually be trying to fool people, instead of just being a gaslighting sack of sh*t. Or even better, they could have had a fake Corporate Kane come out. Just bring back Heidenreich, put him in a suit, and have spend the match looking for Michael Cole at ringside. Yeah, it’s a sad state of affairs when I’m begging WWE to bring back their most infamous, least successful trope (fake versions of Kane and Undertaker) but it would be better than whatever they’re doing now, so there it is.
What actually happened was Corporate Kane came down on crutches, sat at ringside and, shock, Demon Kane was nowhere to be seen. So, that’s it, Seth Rollins’ point is proven. Storyline over, right? Of course not, Kane just shrugs and makes wacky faces and the match goes on as the announcers are all, “Boy, I can’t wait until Demon Kane shows up!”
Admittedly the match itself was pretty fun, as Seth Rollins and The New Day strengthened their newfound bonds. Seth got in on the merry-go-round of stomps (he wasn’t as in-rhythm as Kofi and Big E, obviously) and even did Kofi’s running dropkick into the corner. Then about halfway through the match, Seth dove over the top rope onto the “injured” Kane, who limped to the back. That wasn’t the deal, Kane. THAT WASN’T THE DEAL.
So yes, after a few minutes (just enough time for a large man to change into a mask and leotard and paint the skin around his eyes red, I’d say) DEMON KANE made hit appearance. Man, how did Kane pull of this incredible illusion? Rollins is terrified and bolts through the crowd, even though this entire storyline is predicated on Rollins knowing Demon Kane and lame-o Corporate Kane are the same guy. During this mild mayhem, the Dudleyz manage to sneak in and 3D Kofi for the win.
Worst: The Tag Team Division Goes To Hell
Okay, well, that was stupid, but at least Smackdown is over, and… what? There’s still three minutes left in the show? Uh oh. Kane gets back in the ring and the Dudleyz try to celebrate with him, so he chokeslams them. Then he chokeslams Kofi and Big E and tombstones Xavier Woods while Seth Rollins cowers on the stage. So yes, they just fed most of the tag division to Kane. In 2015. The worst thing happening on WWE TV destroys the best thing, because the worst thing involves a guy who was around during the Attitude Era. Want to know why your ratings suck, WWE? THIS SCREENSHOT.
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