Previously on the Ins and Outs of All Elite Wrestling Dynamite: An injured Dr. Britt Baker DMD showed us why she’s a “roll model,” Cody Rhodes managed to retain the TNT Championship despite headbutting a wall, and Orange Cassidy declared himself the Baddest Man On The Planet.
And now, the Ins and Outs of All Elite Wrestling Dynamite for June 10, 2020.
All In: Blood Oranges
There are probably more important moments to talk about from this week’s Dynamite, but I want to lead with Orange Cassidy scoring the win for his team in a six-man tag against the Inner Circle and being beaten within an inch of his life by Chris Jericho and a gigantic bad of oranges from under the ring. So many questions. So many.
Jericho returns to commentary this week, which is a great idea beyond AEW suddenly having a four-man announce booth. It’s also worth noting that it makes an announce team of four white guys, including a 68-year old, a 62-year old, and a 49-year old. I know they don’t want to send any of them to the unemployment line considering that Jim Ross is a wrestling legend, Tony Schiavone is an all-time great as well, and Excalibur’s the only guy out there trying to accurately call matches, but I think All Elite could really benefit from either rotating the crew around on a weekly basis, or just cutting their losses and deciding who should permanently call what. I personally loved the Jericho and Schiavone team, but nobody in wrestling history’s a better straight man than JR. Certainly not among people who are still around. I think it’ll be easier when the inevitable AEW Thunder starts up and you can spread them out a little more.
I’m way off track. The important thing here is that Chris Jericho beat down Orange Cassidy with a bag of oranges like the world’s biggest asshole, and I love it. Leave it to Chris Jericho to decide a man named “orange” should get hit with oranges. If QT Marshall doesn’t get concussed by a bushel of apples sometime soon, what are we even doing here? Jericho vs. Cassidy is exactly the kind of feud we need in wrestling right now to make us smile, and I hope they lean into the “Blood Orange” thing and give Orange a violent, rage-fueled alter-ego a la Kishin Liger. My only disappointment is that he bled blood instead of juice.
Side note: Jericho watching Jake Hager fight Orange Cassidy and say it looks like Hager’s beating up the 15-year old version of himself is his new funniest commentary moment. How is that even possible on the same episode where he declared, “He’s the butcher for a reason. He cuts meat!”
All In: For The Record
Me watching The Revival win a 10-minute tag team match on Wednesday night prime-time cable television using nothing but teamwork, timing, and rigid rule-following.
I missed you guys so much. Supplementary Bests also go to FTR hitting a spike piledriver in front of both Tully Blanchard and Arn Anderson, the Shatter Machine being renamed to the WILDLY superior “Goodnight Express” — that should just be their team name, for real — and the post-match interaction with the Elite, wherein Hangman Page’s beautiful country ass shows up dressed like a picnic and ready to drink.
The former Revival being faces because they love wrestling and respect the rules, the Bucks being heels because they’re flamboyant and self-obsessed — just listen to them talk about solely carrying tag team wrestling for the past 15 years and how they’re the best tag team in AEW despite never being tag champs here and losing in the first round of the title tournament — Kenny Omega being helpfully oblivious as always, and Hangman Page being the only guy in that circle of friends who understands the dynamics. That’s a good blueprint for a killer triple threat Tag Team Championship match that subverts our modern expectations of heels and faces and continues slowly, slowly returning AEW to its upright and locked position. Team “rules are cool and The Elite is secretly evil” represent.
All Out: Elitism
Speaking of The Elite being (barely) secretly evil, boo to former hair collecting cultist Brandi Rhodes for suggesting Allie shouldn’t be allowed to wear a Nightmare Family jacket. You guys have given your dog a dozen t-shirts, QT Marshall’s girlfriend can wear your colors whether she’s secretly plotting to kidnap him and chop him up into little pieces or not.
All In: Here He Is, Doing Everything He Can
One of this week’s best developments is skateboarding legend Tony Hawk going from “famous person who noticed what you were doing because you had a skateboard” to “famous person doing a cameo on the wrestling show in support of the skateboarding wrestler.” The next step is figuring out how to get Darby Allin into the Tony Hawk Pro Skater remake as a hidden character.
If nothing else, Darby should discover a hidden VHS tape the next time he considers jumping off something high and hurting himself.
Not medically cleared to wrestle yet.
🖕🏼 Don’t need a doctors note to jump off a balcony. pic.twitter.com/gqNLIJu7TS
— DARBY ALLIN (@DarbyAllin) June 8, 2020
Okay, the next next time.
All In: Joey Janela And Sonny Kiss Are Officially A Tag Team
Tag team name, “Sonny Boy.”
Janela and Kiss are great on Dark, but I’m relieved to see them not only address their on-screen character histories (through Janela wondering how he went from main-eventing to oblivion, which is a valid question), but get to do it on Dynamite proper. I’m very ready for actual weekly Sonny Kiss content, especially if they go full Raven and Kanyon with it and have them hang out in a gated community and do fashion shows.
All IN: Britt Baker, A Wrestler For Our Times
“Let’s talk about struggles. I have probably the most struggles!” I can’t get enough of Dr. Britt Baker as White Privelige: The Wrestler. Fucking hilarious.
All In: Cult Cabana
There’s a good story happening here with Matt Hardy trying to appeal to Sammy Guevara’s better nature by comparing his career to Sammy’s, and putting him over as a guy who keeps getting knocked down, but keeps getting back up. I’m telling you, in addition to The Elite being secret heels, The Inner Circle are secret babyfaces. Except for Hager. Hager’s character could be “volunteers every weekend at the children’s hospital” and I’d watch him like, I hate your guts, Hager.
Yes, there’s a good story happening, but let’s talk about how Colt Cabana might actually end up successfully recruited by the Dark Order. Sadly one of our readers beat me to the joke about how if he put on the mask he’d be “45,” but it’s too funny to leave out. Honestly all I want from Colt Cabana in AEW is for him to join this incel cult and reboot his podcast as a pro-Dark Order conspiracy theories show. That’s basically what Chris Jericho’s doing already.
Also On This Episode
Party At The Turner Mansion
Cody Rhodes defending the TNT Championship against Marq Quen wasn’t the total banger I wanted it to be, but that’s to be expected when you consider Quen hasn’t wrestled a singles match in like three years. It’s still really good, though, and Quen got a HUGE spotlight in which to shine even if the winner was never in doubt. I still appreciate Cody winning some of his matches with secondary moves and basic submission holds, like here, when he counters a moonsault into an ankle lock and then transitions to a sort of ankle lock with his feet. It was more or less a “deathlock” without anything being locked.
The thing that takes the match from “All In” to “Also On This Episode,” however, is Jake Hager. That’s Cody’s TNT Championship opponent for Fyter Fest, and if Cody can get even a watchable match out of Hager at this point I’ll consider him a miracle worker. Even the match with Dustin went too long and found a way to involve nagging conservative wives and forced kissing. I just kinda wish that if they’re that into keeping Jack Swagger on the roster they’d keep him as a completely silent third man in trios matches and stop trying to make him happen as a singles star. There’s a shit-ton of men and women on the AEW roster who are fighting desperately for a spot on the show, and fucking Jake Hager gets repeated main events and title opportunities despite his matches being about as entertaining as a colostomy. It’s just frustrating is all, especially after having watched the same shit happen in WWE and Lucha Underground.
Whom Is Greater And Whiter?
I could go the rest of my life never hearing Bill Ass refer to himself as a, “great white,” but points to MJF for the line, “I’m shocked you’re not too busy trying to get another one of your scumbag talentless sons a job here.” I’m telling you, as soon as they abandon Maxwell’s apparent desire to be the heeliest heel that ever heeled and aiming his venom at the company’s other bad guys, they’re going to have a dangerously over “hero” (so to speak) on their hands. Although frankly I’d cheer a dirty pile of laundry if it was positioned against Billy Gunn.
Jon Moxley gets jumped by Brian Cage because he wisely thought he’d be safe turning his back to a huge, empty parking lot while Cage’s manager got really close to his face and distracted him. I feel like you probably should’ve seen that coming, man. Cage finishes sending the mechanical message by bodyslamming Mox into the back windshield of a Chevy Cruze with “AEW” license plates. Did they buy a whole car just to break part of it? Between this and FTR’s entrance truck, AEW really wants us to buy Chevrolet® brand automobiles.
Penelope Ford Has Pinned The Women’s Champion!
You’ve got to think that puts her in line for a possible future title opportunity, Corey.
I probably like Penelope Ford more than most people who do what I do for a living and am happy to see someone new being positioned to challenge for the AEW Women’s Championship, but I’m still patiently waiting for the women’s division to get a few more character pieces and operate beyond the rankings system that rarely seems to inform any of the matches are stories. MJF was right when he talked about how he’s been undefeated for ages and has been the number one contender for three straight weeks but hasn’t gotten a shot at either of the singles championships. Jungle Boy and Marq Quen are getting those matches instead. I’m not saying we should be listening to MJF, but it continues to be absurd to have rankings, brag about how your rankings matter, and then only bring them up when you don’t have any better ideas. People are still mostly just getting title shots by decree, or like we see here, pinning the champ in non-title matches.
Shida vs. Ford will be a nice little program while Britt Baker heals up and prepares for her inevitable run as AEW’s first Women’s Champion with a character beyond [*waves*] or [*screams*]. Not that I don’t love Hikaru Shida, because I do. She’s just about what happens in the ring, and very rarely what happens outside of it. Ford’s character is just “wears sunglasses, constantly cheats for her significant other,” which Kip Sabian also uses when the roles are reversed. The matches are good, I’m just confident enough in AEW’s ability to learn and grow that I don’t want to sit here typing abject praise and imply that “good” is all it can be. Maybe I should. Promotions seem to like that in their critics. Have you heard about The Greatest Match Ever™, happening this Sunday?
All In: Top 10 Comments Of The Week
If Colt does join the Dark Order, does he become 45?
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer
A dejected Colt Cabana watches the monitor in Mr Brodie Lee’s office as his Chevy Cruze gets vandalized
Watching the Misery Index is a firm Jake Hager.
I’m liking Taz and Cage as the Earth-2 versions of Heyman and Lesnar
Please let that Sonny/Janela bit turn out like the time Wayne Brady picked up Dave Chapelle.
Cody’s chyron is in the TNT title’s colors.
I swear, there must be a guy in the AEW payroll whose job is simply to think up tiny details that make the show more awesome.
me watching FTR matches
Missed opportunity for Mox to recruit FTR in his war against Cage. If anything, they know how to Shatter, Machine.
Colt is easily swayed by those with a certain cult of personality.
The Real Birdman
Private Hardy was right there, Schiavone
That about wraps it up for this week’s column. Dynamite continues to put out good effort after good effort at a time when they could be doing nothing (or, as WWE is doing, next to it), and I want to reiterate that any criticisms I’m levying here are done with great love for an attempt at WCW Monday Nitro 2020 and the hope that a positive, communicative fandom can help mold it into something approaching a perfect weekly wrestling show. Or we just complain our way into being ignored like 99.9% of The Internet and they do whatever they wanna do. Worst case scenario, maybe we get fewer Jack Swagger pay-per-view matches.
Thanks for reading about Dynamite! Leave us a comment below, give the column a share on social media, and make sure you’re here next week. See you then!