FlipBoard
WWE Network
Previously on the Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro: The show is back to being an hour long to make it a sort of pre-show for the 1997 NBA Playoffs on TNT, which is great, because the most interesting things that happened were Jeff Jarrett challenging for the United States Championship in a picture-in-picture and some nWo leaflets falling from the ceiling.
Click here to watch this week’s episode on WWE Network. You can catch up with all the previous episodes on the Best and Worst of Nitro tag page.
Remember, if you want us to keep writing 20-year-old WCW jokes, click the share buttons and spread the column around. Things have officially gone crazy in 1990s professional wrestling, and we want to write about it at least until Ric Flair gets abducted and buried in the desert.
And now, the Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro for May 5, 1997.
![[avatar]](https://profilecdn-woven.netdna-ssl.com/photo/1245/profile)
“The villains are never even briefly at a disadvantage, and the heroes are these worthless, ineffectual, limp old men who can’t back up anything they’re saying.”
And who says wrestling doesn’t mirror real life?
“Piper’s response, predictably, is that he DON’T WANT NO PURSE because he DON’T CARRY NO PURSE.”
Well if you wore that kilt right, you WOULD have one (look, a sporran is totally a purse – [en.wikipedia.org]).
Also, why is Meng’s crotch a Snake Decepticon?
Why Is Meng’s Crotch A Snake Deception would make for a pretty great powerviolence song title
That’s cruel teasing a Meng/Regal match that’s not at least five minutes of stiff headbutts, palm strikes and yakuza kicks.
As much grief as Glacier gets, he really did nail those kicks. Brutal!
Besides “Constant Teasing of Dissension That Turns Out to Be a Ruse” and “Old Man Hogan Cuts Non-Sensical Promos and Settling Old Grudges,” “Ineffectual WCW Figure Threatens NWO Only to Get Rightly Laughed Off” is one of the main reasons the NWO storyline just seemed to drag on and on from late 96 on.
Seriously though, Glacier doesn’t kick you, he very quickly lifts you by the chin with his foot.
Ugh, I remember this episode so well.
“Tradition Bites” and “Bite Me” seem like something that was initially “Tradition Sucks” and something more vulgar than “bite me” before Standards and Practices got to it.
WCW was so bad. So very, very bad.
/In the voice of Kevin Sullivan:
You have reached Dungeon of Doom Customer Service. If you are having issues with the Golden Spike, Press 1. If you need Purple Haze to leave your property, Press 2. If Meng has you in a Tongan Death Grip, scream, “AAAUUUUCCCKKKKK!” To speak with the Spiritual Father King Curtis Iaukea, blade your forehead and bleed he will appear as a vision within 15 minutes.
That is funny, I like that. But is the last thing something I should try at home?
But how can you scream if Meng has you in the Tongan Death Grip? Shitty Customer service.
ugh..please tell me Heenan got some kind of payback against Lee Marshall. He must be dealt with!
I don’t recall whether there was ever a payoff for all that garbage, but I bet if there was, Lee Marshall would…weasel out of it.
Not sure if he does, but he does tell him to drop dead once a few months from now and it is one of the funniest moments in Nitro history. I rewound it four times because it made me laugh so hard.
I waited all week for this?
Your write up is much more entertaining than the actual episode was, thank you for doing these!
That Glacier gif reminded me of a far better version of that, during a TNA world title match where AJ Styles was Lizmark, going for the Stylin’ DDT, and James Storm was Glacier, ducking it and superkicking AJ’s head off. One of the few TNA gems of the last decade.
Is this all the people got for their price of admission or did they get some dark matches and an episode of Thunder? I’d be crazy pissed.
“Sting is nowhere to be found.”
Whaddayamean??? He’s right there in the middle of the last picture in the article. ;-p
That Alex Weight dick joke had me snorting in my laughter in a crowded office. Imagine trying to explain what you’re laughing at to a co-worker. Thanks a lot.
Wright, obviously. Thank you too, Auto-spell.
The hilarious thing about that Glacier gif, is the way he posed in the pin. It was like, “I’m, too sexy for this match.”
Oh god…the moment I’ve been dreading since I started reading these like 4 months….I’ve caught up. It feels like it did when I started Game Of Thrones 4 seasons in and binged them to catch up…a sense of dread and hopelessness. The future is so uncertain!!