The Best And Worst Of WWE NXT 6/28/17: Mount Trashmore

Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Ember Moon returned, Sonya Deville kicked ass, and Bobby Roode went MILF hunting.

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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for June 28, 2017.

Best: JUST LIKE BILLY IDOL IN “REBEL YELL,” WE SCREAM MAUR MAUR MAUR!

It’s safe to say no one saw this coming. After Mauro Ranallo’s falling-out with WWE nearly four months ago, resulting in an avalanche of bad press for the company and a raised awareness of mental illness, we all kind of assumed he was going to remain off TV until his contract ran out this August. Then, bam! He gets brought back into the fold via the NXT commentary desk. And as hokey as some of his pop-culture references may be, it’s clear he is damn good at this job and deserves to have his voice heard on a weekly basis. Welcome back, Mauro. It’s good to see you again. (Sorry that you have to sit next to Percy.)

What We Did Inside The Purple Pants This Week

In what must be some kind of cruel rib on Mauro, the first match he’s asked to call is between Velveteen Dream — easily the biggest mess of a character in months — and HoHo Lun, easily the worst competitor from last year’s Cruiserweight Classic to still somehow have a form of employment with WWE. Thankfully, the match is barely a minute long, with Dream winning following a Jackhammer/elbow drop combo. Goldberg and Macho Man he ain’t. And Mauro, bless his heart, calls him the Purple Rainmaker, which made me audibly groan, but if the end result is Okada randomly showing up in Full Sail and taking Patrick Clark’s head off, it’s worth it. (Heads up: That will not be the end result.)

Best: Fat Guy In A Little Coat

Next, we get the announcement that Heavy Machinery has earned a title shot against Authors Of Pain, and it will be right here on NXT in two weeks’ time. That’s all well and good, but I want you to really look at that image.

First off, Heavy Machinery appears to be cosplaying as plus-size Stone Cold Steve Austins. Secondly, William Regal’s desk has been downgraded to entry-level IKEA furniture and only contains a phone that’s not plugged in, a janky laptop (also not plugged in), a blank legal pad, an organizational cup holding exactly two pencils and one Sharpie, and best of all, Regal’s brass knuckles on what appears to be a marble pedestal covered in velvet. Let’s not overlook the miniature globe in the background, which is how I assume they decided where to pull Cruiserweight Classic competitors from — spin the globe, drop your finger … Chile? Welcome aboard, Alejandro Saez!

But the true gem of this whole bit is Otis Dozovic. Dude looks around Regal’s office like he’s never seen flourescent lighting before, eyes darting from corner to corner, muscles tensed for an imaginary impending threat, like a stray dog rescued and taken to the vet. But there’s something innately humorous about literally every move he makes, no matter how minor, that I have no choice but to continue comparing him to Chris Farley. As a fellow plus-sized man, I support Dozovic’s forays into both physical comedy and physical violence, and have hereby dubbed him my new role model.

Best: Squeezing Blood From A Nose

Oney Lorcan gets his chance at redemption against the freshly tweener Hideo Itami, who punked him out with three straight GTSes the other week. He makes the most of it, coming at Itami hard as soon as the bell rings. Too hard, it turns out: Lorcan legit broke Itami’s nose in the process, and the match had to be stopped before it really even started. If this was a work, it was a remarkably painful one.

Following a Bobby Roode/Roderick Strong video recap, we get Itami storming back down to the ring, sans music, demanding his match against Lorcan is restarted. Lorcan happily agrees, and it is on. Itami/Lorcan Part Two made both men look f*cking awesome, and while it was presumed Lorcan was out there to lose, Itami gave him plenty of chances to get his licks in. I dug the ending, too: A loopy Lorcan, struggling to get to his feet, refuses assistance from a sympathetic Itami, so the dude just hoists him up (on his own petard!) and GTSes him. The shades surrounding Itami grow even grayer, and I dig it.

Worst: Project Mayhem

After the match, Hideo Itami calls out his frenemy Kassius Ohno, but before the two can discuss anything in the ring, they’re jumped by SAnitY’s Alexander Wolfe and Killian Dain. Something must’ve been edited out of the attack as there is a noticeable “botchamania” chant following the double powerbomb. Following the beatdown, Wolfe gets on the mic — for the first time ever, I’m pretty sure – and through a thick German accent spells out SAnitY’s master plan: “Chaos.” Cool, glad we’ve established that nine months into your run.

On one hand, I’m glad SAnitY finally has a mission statement, as one-dimensional as it is, but on the other, man oh man am I sick of every single one of their feuds being the same thing. Unless the stable wins a title soon, they’re going to end up the next Bray Wyatt. And speaking of SAnitY competing for titles…

Best: Making Herstory

Before I get to the actual match itself, I briefly want to touch on how monumental of a week this was for women’s wrestling under the WWE umbrella. We had three straight nights of programming where the main event was a high-stakes match between two or more women, with each show giving 20 or more minutes to their performance.

There is literally no time in history before now where WWE has ended three consecutive nights of programming with women kicking ass, and goddamnit, that’s something worth admiring. Maybe the writers’ room saw Wonder Woman over the weekend and got inspired; maybe they saw the buzz GLOW was getting and wanted to syphon some of that heat; or maybe, just maybe, they’re actually starting to respect and appreciate women for their talent first. All I know is that it was awesome to watch.

Best: Holy Sh*t

Asuka has been undefeated since debuting in NXT in October 2015. Still, looking back on that entire time, there are very few matches that really stand out as iconic in her career. There is no question whatsoever that this Last Woman Standing match is the finest work of Asuka’s WWE career to date. Same goes for Nikki Cross, who was finally let out of her cage for 20 minutes of mayhem.

This match featured both women in their final forms, with callbacks aplenty (Cross catching Asuka in the ring apron and pummeling her still rules) plus loads of innovative violence thanks to the stipulation. Both women ate steel steps hard, and while I already declared the image of Nikki Cross dunking Asuka’s head into a cooler as the GIF Of The Year, we have some steep competition already:

(For real, Asuka f*cked Nikki’s day up with that garbage can. I hope they put that can up for charity auction because I want to see those dents up close.)

The one eensy-weensy spot I disliked was Nikki Cross’ jumping nothing off the apron into Asuka’s knee on the outside. It was pretty dumb, mainly because her character never makes mistakes like that. However, it’s quickly forgiven when the women chuck each other onto a stack of chairs in the ring, followed by Cross delivering four consecutive fisherman’s swinging neckbreakers (the crispness of that move cannot be overstated). Cross continues to get the best of Asuka as she reverses her over-the-top-rope suplex into powerbomb onto the chairs outside the ring, possibly concussing the Empress Of Tomorrow in the process. (How she didn’t crack her skull open on the ramp, I’ll never know, because there was some serious whiplash on that spot.)

The chaos concludes with a breathtakingly dangerous spot in which Asuka and Cross climb a 12-foot ladder set up next to a folding table, and in a neat bit of misdirection, Asuka grabs Cross and suplexes her over the top of the ladder and through the announce table behind them. Drake Younger moves in to make the 10 count, and a punch-drunk Asuka just barely beats it at 9.5. It’s a moment made even more powerful with the lack of commentary, as all three men fled the announce booth to avoid taking damage.

Frankly, I was surprised that, following Alexander Wolfe’s promo earlier, there wasn’t some form of interference from SAnitY, even something as benign as helping Cross to her feet at some point throughout the match. But given the blowback from James Ellsworth inserting himself in the women’s Money In The Bank match, maybe NXT creative thought it wise to keep men out of a women’s main event, which is reasonable, but also cuts the legs out from under SAnitY a little bit. We’ll see where it goes — hopefully, to another Asuka/Cross rematch. Fight forever, indeed.

Next Week: Bobby Roode defends his NXT Championship against Roderick Strong, plus SAnitY’s Alexander Wolfe and Killian Dain will face off against Kassius Ohno and Hideo Itami.