Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: NXT TakeOver: Chicago happened! We now have a new WWE U.K. champion, the same ol’ set of NXT champions and the official death of doing it one’s self.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for May 24, 2017.
Worst: Night Of A Thousand Recaps
As is tradition with all post-TakeOver episodes of NXT, this one is full of video packages recapping the event you just watched a few days prior, as well as matches that are largely meaningless to storylines. If you are for some reason reading this review before actually watching the episode, and you already watched TakeOver: Chicago, just take that hour you would’ve wasted watching slow-motion strikes set to a Fozzy song and go for a bike ride or something. You won’t miss anything.
Best: Spin The Black Circle
Tommy End vs. Brian Myers seems like a match we would’ve seen on a random PWG card in 2016, but now it’s 2017, and instead of these two dudes fake-fighting at a VFW hall in Reseda, they’re scrapping at the Allstate Arena in front of 14,000-plus fans who are losing their shit for everything Aleister Black does. The world is weird and awesome sometimes.
Black’s TakeOver (pre-show) gear is extra shiny, and his movements are even more fluid. To his credit, Hawkins holds up well for this three-minute match, dodging the Black Mass kick early, showing he did his homework. It makes Black adapt — and get angrier. Black scores the win, Rosemont cheers, time for another 15 minutes of video packages.
Best: Puns
Nailed it.
Worst: Blue Moon
We get a brief promo from a wooden doll with Ember Moon’s face painted on it, in which she does her best at expressing what she has understood to be sadness for missing out on her Fatal Four-Way match at TakeOver: Chicago. Immediately thereafter, we get a post-match promo from a victorious Asuka in a power suit and facepaint, where she cackles, “It’s mine!” as if she were Gollum holding the Precious. Honestly, how can someone whose first language isn’t English be so much better at this than Ember Moon?
What We Did Inside The Purple Pants This Week
After a number of one-off appearances on NXT weekly TV, Patrick Clark has finally, officially transformed into what is being called Velveteen Dream (or “the Velveteen Dream,” if you’re a fan of definite articles). He faces off against a jobber with Smackdown Vs. Raw video game pants named Robert Anthony, clearly in tribute to the famous accountant. It was, indeed, a match, featuring two competitors wrestling with a referee officiating and an audience watching the whole thing.
Dream’s finisher, a top-rope elbow drop, seems a bit odd for a character they’re presumably trying to get booed, because who boos the Macho Man elbow? Then again, nothing about this character makes sense: Is he honoring Prince or Jimi Hendrix? Is he emulating Adam Rose or Tyler Breeze? And why do his abs have abs? (That’s not actually a problem, I’m just hella jealous.) Hopefully the next set of NXT TV tapings will allow him to get some camera time outside of the ring so some sort of motivation can be established, otherwise I expect we’ll see him jobbing to No Way Jose on the next TakeOver pre-show.
Fine: Drew By Numbers
In case the Texas flag on his tights, the leather vest on his back and the “hook ’em horns” hand-sign didn’t tip you off, Wesley Blake has turned his back on dubstep, once again embracing his inner real, live cowboy. Even though we hadn’t seen Buddy Murphy in quite some time, either, this in my mind was the official end of the Dubstep Cowboys. That’s two sets of NXT Tag Team Champions that TakeOver: Chicago has ripped apart. At least the Ascension is still dominant winning some matches occasionally on TV employed (I think).
Drew McIntyre looked fine here, but the match was the epitome of nothing special elevated by a hot crowd that wanted desperately to cheer for any recognizable sports entertainer, even if that guy was in 3MB. Highlights included the reverse Alabama slam from McIntyre, the armbreaker from Blake, and the finishing sequence of gnarly headbutt into a flying boot (or “single-leg yakuza” as Nigel McGuinness dubiously called it), giving the victory to Drew. It didn’t matter. None of this episode mattered. Life doesn’t matter. I need to call my therapist.
Next Week: There will definitely be an episode of NXT, and it will most likely feature people competing in wrestling matches.
