Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: The NXT TakeOver: Chicago pre-show happened! Which is to say that nothing much happened at all. But, hey, we got the Velveteen Dream, so … that’s something.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for May 31, 2017.
Best, Sorta: NXT Has Another New Theme Song
If it feels like only yesterday that we got a new theme song for NXT, it kinda was: “Rage,” a CFO$-penned number which I previously described as “an absolutely garbage track,” made its premiere in mid-April. Now, it’s already been replaced (at least for the intro) by “Resistance,” an actual song by an actual band called Powerflo, which features current and former members of Cypress Hill, Biohazard and Fear Factory. So, yeah, it’s still rap-rock, which bleh, but this particular song definitely hits way harder than “Rage” ever did, so it’s a minor upgrade. Of course, the instrumental bed of “Rage” was still used repeatedly throughout the episode for match graphics, so it might serve as an alternate theme for the time being. (Sidenote: Out of all the bands on New Damage Records, NXT picked this one? My kingdom for Cancer Bats’ “Hail Destroyer” as a theme song.)
Best: Ciampa-ing At The Bit
This week’s episode opens with the freshly evil Tommaso Ciampa gingerly making his way to the ring in a suit and crutches. Apparently, it’s not a work: Reports say Ciampa tore his ACL and needs surgery. In terms of real-life injuries happening in the middle of hot storylines, this one’s no Finn Bálor tearing his labrum mid-match, but it’s dang close. You have to assume NXT was banking on a Johnny Gargano/Tommaso Ciampa singles feud carrying their main event for at least the next few months.
Thankfully, Ciampa delivers a masterful promo (easily the most mic time he’s ever gotten in a WWE ring), building his heel turn around a real-life injury at an NXT live event and the real-life internet scuttlebutt after it. He thrusts his insecurities onto an absent Gargano — the man who literally dove in front of him to take a ladder to the face — and says this is all Gargano’s fault and the fault of “you people.” His final verbal salvo of “I will be the most dangerous sonovabitch in NXT. I am professional wrestling, whether you like it or not,” feels like it was written before the injury and seems a bit tacked on to an otherwise dynamite promo, but it will look great in video packages six months from now.
Best: It’s Still Real To Him, Damnit
I haven’t seen use of electrical tape this effective since watching old Plasmatics videos on YouTube.
Best: Oh Danny Boy
After a brief check-in with NXT champion Bobby Roode, where he confirms we won’t be seeing him for a while, the Full Sail Arena gets their first look at new WWE U.K. Champion Pete Dunne — and judging by how quickly the crowd jumps to their feet as soon as his name appeared on the Titantron, it’s clear that his show-stealing match with Tyler Bate at TakeOver: Chicago has not gone unnoticed with the NXT faithful.
Dunne squares off against Jason Statham Danny Burch, who in recent weeks has jobbed out to Killian Dain and Andrade “Cien” Almas, and who also is a whopping 12 years older than his opponent. That does very little to affect the match’s pace, however, which was a great showcase of not only what Dunne can do (holy sh*t the air Burch got off Dunne’s X-Plex) but also secretly being a really nice showcase for Burch, who at 35 can still kip up with the best of ’em and can also go full-on Randy Orton with the draping DDT (although his was off the top rope, which makes sense once you convert standard wrestling moves to metric wrestling moves).
After having Burch get the better of him for nearly the entire match, Dunne finally is able to capitalize and hit the Bitter End for the victory. For whatever reason, WWE hasn’t uploaded a portion of this match to YouTube, which is a mistake on their part — if you watch one thing from this week’s episode, make sure it’s this.
What We Did Inside The Purple Pants This Week
Congratulations, Patrick: You know how to purse your lips.
Best: Watch Me Bo, Watch Me Nini
The commentary desk during Andrade “Cien” Almas vs. Cezar Bonani was aggressively pushing the party-boy angle for Almas, something we’ve heard about for weeks but has done little to develop into an actual story. That changes this week when after being dominated by Almas nearly all match, Bonani gets the surprise win with a small package and gets his music played on TV for the first time. (Who knew the dude even had a theme song?) Cien loses his cool immediately and starts throwing around chairs at ringside, only to center himself and go into full-on Serenity Now mode, doing his best real-life ¯_(ツ)_/¯ as he walks up the ramp.
Best: The Iconic Duo Is Back!
Worst: … And So Is Ember Moon
We haven’t seen Billie Kay and Peyton Royce on our TV screens in far too long, and of course, as soon as we get them, we also get the official return of Ember Moon, who interrupts their Performance Center promo in the most feeble way possible, by signing a document acknowledging she is cleared for in-ring action. I didn’t know werewolf ninja warriors wore Apple Watches and free Tapout gear, Ember. What a mysterious character!
Fine, I Guess: No Way Jose Is Back
This week’s main event is a tag match pitting Roddy “Is A Real Boy” Strong and Kassius Ohno versus one half of SAnitY, Eric Young and Alexander “Erick Rowan” Wolfe. I was surprised they started off with Strong and EY — given their recent history, I figured that interaction would’ve been saved for later in the match. But start it they do, and we get a pretty dang house show-esque tag match that accomplishes nothing much outside of me wanting to see Killian Dain go one-on-one against Ohno in the worst way.
But it looks like we won’t get that matchup for a little while, because as the Damned Numbers Game™ risks tilting the power toward SAnitY, No Way Jose returns to even the odds — and now we’re right back where we started in this feud, just with Roddy subbing in for Tye Dillinger. Literally, No Way Jose has been off TV for more than two months and missed both TakeOver: Orlando and TakeOver: Chicago, and it appears that literally nothing has changed about his look or his storylines. Buckle up for even more six-man tags in coming weeks, I’m guessing.
Next Week: Hideo Itami looks to shake off his TakeOver: Chicago loss by likely beating the crap out of Oney Lorcan, and Killian Dain will square off against No Way Jose.
