Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Our quest to find our footing after The Draft continues, with fresh and sometimes greener-than-goose-sh*t talent stepping in to fill the roles of people we’ve seen performing for years. Some of it works, some of it doesn’t, but it certainly makes NXT feel like it did when it first came to Full Sail again. Also, a little too much like Impact, but we’ll try not to worry about that. Just don’t let the Dudley Boyz show up with remote control cars with GoPros on them trying to make melodramatic backyard wrestling videos.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for Sept. 14, 2016.
Best: CROOKED Samoa Joe
This week’s episode opens with Samoa Joe (who spent most of last week’s episode asleep) cutting a passionate promo about how much he respects Shinsuke Nakamura, wants a rematch, and regrets the way he handled himself as champion. Nakamura even shows up to accept the rematch and shakes Joe’s hand. Both men leave, and Joe pulls a Nick Fury, popping back in for the post-credits to jump Nak at the ass-end of his entrance and beat the sh*t out of his ass-end. Nakamura gets carted away on a stretcher, and Joe escapes out through the parking lot.
I’m not sure how much I bought any aspect of this — it’s hard to pretend Nakamura’s in Local Medical Facility-worthy pain when he’s mugging on the stretcher (pictured, above) — but I like what they’re trying to do. Nakamura seems bulletproof and unaffected by anything anyone’s done to him. That even extends into his matches, where guys will work his leg for 20 minutes and he’ll just power up and knock them out with that same leg. It’s been a much less obvious version of Asuka and the women’s division, with one extremely overpowered and overqualified person stepping in and burning through their competition too quickly. Nak beat Zayn, Finn and the guy that could beat the Demon Finn, all in a row.
So having Joe really get the jump on him and take him out is progress. Nakamura could use a sense of vulnerability, even if it’s just the sniff of an idea that somebody could POSSIBLY beat him in a wrestling match. If Nak’s tired of being on the brand and wants to go wrestle Brock Lesnar on Raw, Joe becoming 2-time champ and sorta soft-resetting his title reign could be a good direction. Joe vs. Itami makes a hell of a lot of sense.
Speaking of Joe …
Best: Hanging Out The Passenger Side Of His Best Friend’s Ride, Trying To Holler At Me
Why is this so funny? I just wish William Regal had tried to European uppercut the car as it drove by.
Worst: That Last Name Doesn’t Ellering Any Bells
Up next, slow motion specialist Liv Morgan takes on Rachel Fazio, daughter of Authors of Pain manager “Precious” Paul Fazio. But no, seriously, you may remember Rachel from her appearance back in May as “Rachel Ellering.” I guess she lost her wrestling pedigree? Not like this is just stuff people on the Internet know, they brought her onto the show, gave her the name and celebrated the connection.
Anyway, Liv vs. Rachel is rough. Liv very obviously wrestles like she’s trying to remember everything and get through all the moves without f*cking up, so she goes super slow. She’s supposed to be clever in the ring or whatever, though, which means her opponents have to just kinda stand there or move at half speed and get “caught” with counters from a lady with apparent Tortoise Nervosa. Liv wins with a ginger-baby guillotine, which is actually kinda hilarious after Aliyah couldn’t get beat her with a Zack Sabre Jr.-ass MURDER DEATH CLUTCH a few weeks ago.
After the match, Liv cuts a promo and lives like she was dying, challenging Asuka for the NXT Women’s Championship. I like the story — the women’s division is weirdly cleared out, so one of the young lions is sucking it up and stepping forward to make an impact, whether they’re ready for it or not, because you never know — and Liv’s got a lot of personality, God bless her, even if she kinda cuts promos like she wrestles. Liv vs. Asuka could even be good, assuming it’s 99% Liv getting brutalized and hanging in there way, way longer than she should. That all said, L-O-f*cking-L at all of this, Liv’s ready for Asuka like I’m ready to fight a grizzly bear with my bare hands, and the match should just be CM Punk vs. Mickey Gall in a wrestling ring. One slow, fake punch, followed by 40 seconds of getting punched in the ears.
Best: They WRITE ABOUT PAIN, You Guys
Speaking of Papa Fazio, he and the Authors of Pain take on the all-star team-up of Doug Sessup and Chris Payne, because Nailz and Ryzin were busy. If you haven’t been paying attention, here are the Arthurs of Pain before every match:
They make quick work of the team, causing them great Payne with a double-powerbomb, which Sessup for their lariat/Russian legsweep finish.
On a serious note, why the hell is the worst Authors of Pain double-team their finish? Literally everything else they do looks like it’s killing people, and then to actually win the match they do the least effective-looking thing. If anything, he should be legsweeping him FORWARD into the lariat, right? Just a Stroke, but with a giant dude sandwiching you to death in the middle? As it stands, they’re just going with the momentum of the strike and protecting your head on the way down. Sh*t, just let them do that Shield powerbomb. They’re already dressed like the Monster Shield, just go all the way with it.
Best: Hee Day Oh
Best match of the night goes to Hideo Itami vs. Drew “Zack Sabre Sr.” Gulak. Sometimes the best matches are the ones where they decide beforehand to just hit each other as hard as possible in the face and be cool with it. Gulak wrecking Itami with a slap early in the match reminded me of that great, great slap from Samoa Joe vs. Kenta Kobashi. It perfectly sets the tone, and is like, “oh, okay, it’s gonna be like that.”
Gulak would be an awesome addition to the show if they could find a character for him, and not just have him be, “Drew Gulak, Guy Who Wrestles.” The guy does great character work when he’s asked to and is obviously a fantastic wrestler, but his default persona is invisible mayonnaise on existential toast for me. His jacket kinda makes him look like Zapp Brannigan, though, so I’m into that. Bring him in as a Magnus: Robot Fighter character, I dunno. NXT needs more opportunities with guys who are indie “names,” but not big enough names that they absolutely have to come in as themselves. Gargano and Ciampa cornered the market on the mid-level indie guys who are just scrappy as sh*t and bein’ themselves, right?
+1 to Gulak for knowing how to best sell the GTS, too. Head snapped back, fall forward. That will always be the best. Nothing worse than when guys get hit with a knee to the face as they’re falling straight down and like, hop backwards.
Also, here’s hoping Itami keeps up his intensity and remembers that in the current NXT ecosystem it’s okay to let loose a little bit and kick a guy in the ribcage so hard it breaks all of it. The NXT Championship changed hands via a dislocated jaw, remember? If you’re going to wrestle Nakamura and you’ve got a big “kick here” scar on your shoulder, you better kick first.
Best: Bobby Roode Enters The Arena On A Roomba
♫ FLOORIUS
I am sweepin’, I am sweepin’ ♫
(h/t to @DESerfass for that joke)
Best-Ish: Roode vs. Jose
Last week, Austin Aries defeated Bobby Roode’s NXT TakeOver opponent, so this week Bobby beats Austin’s. I’m going to keep saying, “Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic, maybe?” in Zoidberg voice until they merge these stories.
Bobby Roode is working that Miz “King of Safe Style” act so far, and while it’s not the most exciting thing in the world, it’s working. I’d have more of a leg to stand on if he didn’t have the world’s most fan-friendly entrance — shout-out to Full Sail for not being able to sing a song with lyrics in time, proving their off humming of Nakamura’s theme isn’t a one-time thing — but Bobby Roode seems to know that “being kinda boring” is the WORST THING you can do to an NXT crowd. If you work a bunch of chinlocks, they’re gonna boo you. Throw a handicapped kid down a flight of stairs? They’re gonna go crazy for you.
I’m glad Roode’s using the Implant DDT instead of that awful pump-handle as a finish, even if Heath Slater JUST started using the Implant on TV again recently. Anything to keep you from reminding me of the Road Dogg.
And that’s pretty much it for this week. The main event was “Full Sail getting to sing Bobby Roode’s entrance theme.” Join us next week when Eric Young defeats No Way Jose and Cien Almas in a handicap match, and everybody gets to do the chicken dance.
