Hat-tip to a great sign in the crowd for this week’s subtitle.
Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Not much is happening! The Cruiserweight Classic guys are popping up with less character development than they got in the Cruiserweight Classic, Mandy Rose thinks “Eva Marie with blonde hair” is what a WWE Superstar looks like, and Samoa Joe weirdly received Shinsuke Nakamura’s medical records and sarcastically read them in public.
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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for Sept. 28, 2016.
Best: The Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic Is Back
The most important development from this week’s show is the announcement that the Dusty Rhodes Tag Team Classic is returning, with first round matches starting next week and the finals happening at NXT TakeOver: Toronto, aka TakeOver: Eh-Rival. Bobby Roode shows up after the first match and asks Tye Dillinger of all people to be his tag team partner, saying the team would be “Perfectly Glorious.” I would’ve went with Ten-Roo, but this is probably better.
For like a month, I’ve been fantasy booking Roode and Austin Aries as a team for the Dusty Classic, because their NXT characters and even their major rivals so far are so similar. I figure the best case scenario would be James Storm showing up and Beer Money reuniting, but Storm decided not to sign with NXT in favor of being in those wrestling parts of Impact nobody watches between Matt Hardy’s sweded backyard wrestling comedy videos.
Dillinger and Roode instantly have a great dynamic, though. Dillinger’s been burned in tag teams before — remember when he and Jason Jordan spent like two months breaking up? — but he wants to honor Dusty Rhodes, a mentor he regrets not honoring more when he was alive. Holy sh*t. He knows Roode’s in it for himself and will stab him in the back the first chance he gets, but he also knows Roode is REALLY GOOD, so he’s trying to make it work. I love it.
Worst: Angelo Dawkins
Here’s your regularly scheduled “Angelo Dawkins is terrible” entry. Dude’s been around since 2012 and all we know about him is that he knows who Lil B is and owns more than one headband.
Best: Twin Tragic
Samoa Joe interrupts the Revival’s scheduled win against the Ealy Brothers, Gabriel and Urinal, by attacking and injuring the brothers until they can’t compete. The very best thing in the world is Scott Dawson unzipping his windbreaker before the match, watching Joe rush by him to murder people, then calmly zipping up the jacket and leaving. The Revival should win the Dusty Classic, and have their name engraved so big it takes up whatever space is left on the front of the trophy.
But yeah, the beatings will continue until morale improves. Later in the show, a full week after Joe not only found but had time to ANNOUNCE Nakamura’s medical records, Cathy 3 asks William Regal about Nak and Regal’s like, “LOL, I don’t know anything, I don’t even know how to get in touch with him.” Damn Bill, call Dave Taylor and get him to find that sh*t on safari. You just lost the EALY BROTHERS. Is nothing sacred?
Best: Miz Was Right
Up next, Ember Moon fights evil by moonlight, wins love by daylight and never runs from a real fight against Mandy Rose. As of now, Mandy is the wrestler WWE wanted us to think Eva Marie was when she got back from training. She’s still green, but she’s good green, and she never looks like she’s completely lost and abandoned in the ring. Looks like The Miz was right about her all along. I know he had that Ozymandias bit in his WrestleMania 27 intro video, but I didn’t know he’d actually turn out to be Ozymandias.
Here’s hoping Mandy and Aliyah in particular both stay in NXT for another like, two years. They’re starting to really put it together physically in the ring, and if they can develop enjoyable characters — or at least something beyond, “I’m PRETTY, GOD” — they’re gonna be great. If we get another random roster purge that sends folks like Dana and Carmella up to the main roster and makes them figure it out up there, they stand to lose a lot.
Oh, speaking of the women’s division, HERE’S LIV MORGAN FIGHTING ASUKA.
Best: Nobody Is Ready For Asuka
After WEEKS of build-up, here’s a recap of Carmellacito Liv Morgan challenging Japanese Murder Pimp Asuka.
Liv starts the match with a few strikes that piss Asuka off, so Asuka forearms her one (1) time and knocks her on her ass. Liv charges, Asuka takes her down and taps her out to an armbar. Not the Asuka Lock. ARM BAR. That’s the entire match.
After the match, two great things happen:
1. Asuka cuts a short promo, saying, “NOBODY IS READY FOR ASUKA.” Ain’t that the truth. But man, that episode where Ember Moon says I’M READY is gonna be DOPE.
2. In a backstage Dot Com exclusive, NXT returns to one of its greatest tropes: TWO MEAN GIRLS.
Doesn’t matter if it’s Summer Rae and Sasha Banks hurting Bayley’s feelings or Emma and Dana making fun of Asuka, it’s not NXT if two heel girls aren’t wandering in to talk sh*t about a babyface. This time, we get Billie Kay and Peyton Royce (hey, welcome back) moseying in to make fun of Liv for not even being able to last two minutes against Asuka. The highlight is absolutely Peyton’s Betty Boop voice, which cuts Liv so hard all her bones fall out.
I hope they show up again next week with a cut-out of Mandy Rose’s face on a popsicle stick.
Best: Ouch
Also in “lol squash” news, The Authors of Pain take on Jonathan Cruz and Mr. 450, who is now Jesus Yurnet, which is what a frustrated parent says to you when you ask them to give you money.
The Authors squashes are getting better and better, and have escalated to the point that they’re just dragging people into the ring by their faces to hammer them into the ground before they’ve even tagged in. They’re also casually gorilla pressing motherf*ckers to the floor, because they can. After the match, Paul Fazio is like, “step one, cut a hole in a box. Two, put your junk in that box. Right now, that’s all you need to know.”
I’m excited to see if the Authors of Pain get into the Dusty Classic, because they really add an air of unpredictability to it. Like, what if the Revival has to face them? Who wins that? Are they just gonna pull a Hulk and Andre at WrestleMania IV and eliminate each other so Ted DiBiase (I don’t know, TM-61?) gets a bye into the finals?
Worst: Blake And Murphy Still Can’t Figure It Out
These poor guys. Alexa Bliss is on the USA Network challenging for the Smackdown Women’s Championship and they’re fuss-potting trying to get into a tournament you get into by existing? When will they stop being Cesaro and Sheamus about everything and discover that the greatest thing they’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return?
Best: Hideo Itami vs. A Kitty Cat
This week’s main event is Hideo Itami vs. Cruiserweight Classic standout and sudden Raw roster participant Lince Dorado. Lince’s improved SO MUCH since his Chikara days, and I’m starting to wonder if he and Helios got body-snatched at some point.
The best thing they can do with Itami is have him competitively wreck people and build up his confidence. I think that’s the major difference between him and Nakamura. Nakamura showed up with all the confidence in the f*cking world, because he’s Nakmaura, and everyone instantly connected to it. He’s basically just funny posing and kneeing people and making wacky faces, and everybody LOVES it because HE loves it, and has 100+% belief in himself as a character and real-life bad-ass. To contrast, Itami — a guy who won every goddamn thing he could in NOAH and SHOULD be confident as hell — arrived at a point in time when Japanese stars weren’t necessarily a given in NXT, and ESPECIALLY not in WWE, so after one extremely confident debut against the Ascension, he was just like, “hey guys, here’s me working with like 10% of my moveset, hope you like me! I’m yelling a lot!” Then King of Confidence Finn Bálor showed up as his partner and was like, EVERYONE LOOK AT ME. So Itami was just like, “heh, still here, hope you like this yelling.”
Now that Punk and Bryan are never coming back and he can be closer to the Lord’s true vision of KENTA again, and the environment is totally accepting of Japanese stars and indie darlings, Itami can just get confident, let loose and kick people so hard it makes their intestines blow up like balloons. I mean, Kota Ibushi has already been on this show once, and you don’t want cartoonishly exaggerated KENTA showing up and stealing your thunder. Get confident, kick Lince Dorado to death and show us why you’re one of the biggest stars in the world. That’s sorta what they were getting at here, and I like that direction. Keep that going.
Plus, he’s got a great rival now in Austin Aries, who has all the confidence a human possibly could without necessarily earning or deserving it. He’s THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED, after all. Here, he jumps Itami from behind after the match to get revenge for TakeOver, and as soon as Itami recovers and tries to fight back, Aries bails up the ramp with his arms in the air. That’s awesome. I’m hoping Aries/Itami is the match that finally, truly cements Itami as one of the top motherf*ckers on the brand. He needs that.
Also, what are the chances we can get Tursas to show up?
