The Best and Worst of WWE Raw for July 25, 2016

Previously on the Best and Worst of Raw: WWE Battleground happened, and the draft split the rosters in half. Well, it cut them 70/30. The point is that nothing that happened last week matters now, because we’re ALL NEW, BABY.

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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE Raw for July 25, 2016. It’s a new day. It’s a new generatioooon.

Best: An (Actually) New Raw

It feels good to be reviewing Raw again.

A lot of it is cosmetic and yeah, it could be taken away from us as soon as next week, but for the first time in what seems like ages, Raw was actually a good show. And I don’t mean that in the “post-WrestleMania Raw” way where they decided a bunch of stuff should happen so we were into it … it was actually good, from top to bottom, even when it misfired. It never felt like, “oh great, here comes Raw again.”

The show desperately needed a fresh coat of paint. We got a new logo. We got a new opening theme that isn’t great and kinda sounds like the Jimmy Hart version of NXT’s intro, but it’s new, and the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald would be a great opening theme after years of Kromestatik. The set is new, the announce table is moved up near the ramp instead of down by the ring (which makes total kayfabe sense, because why would you keep replacing those tables instead of just moving them so wrestlers can’t break them all the time?), and Corey Graves has replaced JBL. I can’t overstate how much better the show is without JBL. Raw needed at least one person in the booth who actually likes wrestling and isn’t paid to sound like he doesn’t.

There are even new camera angles! I got so used to the rhythm of Raw and all the “falling outside means we’re going to commercial break and Raw rolls on” stuff that just taking a step back and looking at the show from another angle made it feel fresher. More immersive. I don’t know, whoever put together this “first show of a new era” is on the right track. I wasn’t expecting Raw to be the trendsetter, but damn, here we are.

Best: A Lot Of Information In Less Time Than Usual

Of course, Raw isn’t perfect. The first episode of a “new era” begins with Stephanie McMahon on the microphone, which didn’t do a lot to prep us for a different kind of night. But the good news is that the segment is only about 10 minutes long — much shorter than normal — and actually gives us a ton of information. Usually it’s 20 minutes devoted to saying nothing. Progress!

In the open, we learn that:

– Raw’s going to have its own Heavyweight Championship, named the “Universal Championship”
– Raw is going to feature two fatal four-way matches, with the winners of each match moving on to face each other in the night’s main event
– The winner of THAT match will move on to face #1 draft pick Seth Rollins at SummerSlam for said title
– Finn Bálor is here and will make his main roster debut in one of the four-ways

There’s some stuff to be nitpicked — why did Finn spend the entire open looking like he’d just waltzed into the ending of Contact, and couldn’t they come up with a better name for a belt than the “Universal” title? What, are Dracula and Frankenstein gonna wrestle for it? Does it have a big globe on the front? Can you use it to change the channels on your TV? — but if you’re gonna do segments like this, this is how you should do them. Make it seem like a big deal, get to the point, set up your show with a bunch of interesting stuff that gets us talking for better or worse, then move the hell along and do it.

Best: Medal Of Bálor

We formally start the show with the first of two fatal four-ways, and it’s the greatest NXT main event that never was: Finn Bálor vs. Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro vs. Rusev. Look at that. I know you probably already watched it, but that’s CRAZY.

I don’t know if it has to do with the restructured mission statement or the fact that the roster is thinner, but this Raw was built around a series of long, important matches with points. Every long match had a reason to be long, and the filler stuff peppered in between them even appeared to have points. Everything and everybody on the show was there for a reason. I’m not even sure how to review Raw when it isn’t terrible. I just want to type “GOOD JOB” and shut my computer so I can get back to watching the good wrestling.

But yeah, the opening match is long and allows every man to shine. I didn’t even mind Rusev taking the pin, because he got so thoroughly mauled before he took it. The poor guy gets giantly swung by Cesaro, put in the Sharpshooter, cannonballed in the face by Kevin Owens, has Kevin Owens dropkicked into him, then gets dropkicked himself before being top rope double-stomped in the f*cking bladder.

Part of me was hoping that Owens would win and move on to face Sami Zayn in the finals, just to negate all that “end of a feud” stuff they pushed so hard at Battleground, but I’m happy with the result. It instantly gets Finn over as a huge deal, and I love WWE’s newfound tendency to actually build upon the NXT success of their own developmental stars instead of pulling a Neville (or an Ascension, or an almost anybody else) and starting over from scratch. It worked in front of big WWE crowds, keep it working in front of bigger WWE crowds, you know? You’d be surprised how far “this guy is GOOD” goes for most wrestling fans.

Best: Big Dogs Gotta Dog

The second fatal four-way is also very good, but not quite as good as the first. It’s Sami Zayn vs. Sheamus vs. Chris Jericho vs. ROMAN REIGNS in capital letters with flashing lights around it and arrows pointing at it. +1 to WWE for once again taking time to have The Authority single out Reigns and explain how he ruined everything for them and how much they hate him only to give him another title opportunity. Guys: if you hate Roman Reigns, stop giving him chances at title matches. I’ve been telling you for like two years. If you hate him, call him “Mr. Irrelevant” and put him in a match with Neville.

Man, it really sounds like I’m bagging on Neville this week. Sorry. Neville, you’re great!

Anyway, yeah, even with the finish being a total foregone conclusion, the match is a lot of fun. There’s an unfortunate botch near the end with Roman trying to counter a Codebreaker into a press into a Superman Punch that probably looked a lot better on paper, but that’s the only major miscue. It was so bad Michael Cole was chuckling at it, if that tells you anything. Roman winning and Looking Strong was the right call, though, because it gave us a Finn Bálor vs. Roman Reigns main event, and that’s the perfect use of those characters. More on that in a minute.

Also, Chris Jericho is the greatest for that horrible attempt at a spear.

Best: Forget It, Jake, It’s Jobbertown

One of my favorite improvements on this week’s Raw that most fans are gonna have a real hard time dealing with is the (apparently formal) return of LOCAL TALENT. We get not one but two jobber squashes, and I’m all for it. Sometimes you’ve got to make your important people seem really important and strong, and you don’t necessarily want to feed someone with potential for growth to them, so you find some less notable wrestlers who are great at taking an ass-beating and send them out there to die. Jobbers are the BEST.

The first is Britt Baker, Pittsburgh area pro wrestler and dentist. Her job is to get kicked around like a literal pile of garbage by the debuting Nia Jax. It’s short and impactful, and says everything you need to say within a first impression. My brain says, “Nia is really great when she owns her persona and beats the sh*t out of people,” alternating with, “Thank Christ JBL and/or Jerry Lawler weren’t out here to call this.”

Jobber #2 is one for the ages:

Meet JAMES ELLSWORTH, a chinless, child-sized Pidgeotto who has to face a solo, freshly hair-cut Braun Strowman. James even gets a pre-match promo about hope and any man with two hands having a chance that kinda sorta sounds like he’s being read his Last Rites. It’s SO GOOD. He gets beaten so spectacularly this match could’ve taken place in the old TBS studios.

If you’re interested, James Ellsworth is Maryland’s “Pretty” Jimmy Dream, aka one half of “Pretty Ugly.” He teams with a guy who wears a toilet seat to the ring. I never thought local talent would touch the glory of Ryback victims and basic math-knowers Stansky and Rosenberg, but this might’ve done it. Keep this going, Raw. Give me someone to get ironically excited about every week!

Okay, now for some bad stuff.

Worst: “Hey Curtis, Your New Gimmick Is That We Say You’re Worthless And You’re Like Nuh Uh, But Then You Are”

So Curtis Axel’s new nickname is “Mr. Irrelevant.” If you aren’t a sports fan and don’t get the reference, don’t worry, Michael Cole will take 8-10 minutes to explicitly explain it to you. All you really need to know is that WWE is seriously calling Mr. Perfect’s hapless son Mr. Irrelevant, and that’s kind of cold-blooded, even for them. Spoiler alert: this is not going to take off and do Curtis Axel any favors. “What a LOSER” is probably the worst gimmick WWE loves.

On the bright side, Neville is back! He nonchalantly beats Curtis Axel to a pulp and pins him with the Red Arrow. Because Axel is somehow less prestigious than Jimmy Junior the Wrestler from the Braun Strowman squash.

I’m interested to see what happens with Neville, because if the cruiserweight division and Kalisto’s turned into a stammering mess on Smackdown, Neville’s like, the default established cruiserweight superstar, right? Bálor’s got bigger goals and everybody else is too big. If Neville’s not slotted in as the first cruiserweight champ, y’all are tripping.

Worst: Holy Sh*t This New Day Segment

New Day: What’s your name, sonny boy?
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!
New Day: no, we’re asking your name
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!
New Day: what’s your name
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!
New Day: wha wha wha are you saying your name is SONNY BOY?
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!
New Day: FOR REAL IS YOUR NAME SONNY BOY, SAY SONNY BOY IF YES SONNY BOY IF NO
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!
New Day: oh hamburgers we gotta get to the bottom of this
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!
New Day: Trump! Beyonce! Snapchat!
Sonny Boy: Sonny Boy!

Copy and paste that three more times and you’ve got this segment.

Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson interrupt after an eternity and beat them down. I kept hoping Sonny Boy would tear off his New Day shirt to reveal a Club shirt underneath. The tag match this sets up should be a lot of fun, but I’m very confused and disappointed that we’ve come back around to New Day being the worst part of the show. What the hell?

+1 to the guy with the “BIG E, PLEASE STOP DIVING” sign, though.

Best: Bob Backlund Screaming About Pokemon

There are few things in wrestling I love more than Bob Backlund getting bent out of shape about nothing. Him playing chess with Jonathan Taylor Thomas and screaming about youths and how he doesn’t care that Pamela Anderson is missing is legit one of my favorite WrestleMania moments.

On Raw, he’s trying to give Darren Young a pep talk about not winning the Intercontinental Championship and gets interrupted by Golden Truth, who are playing Pokemon GO and trying to catch a Jigglypuff under his bow tie. His response? HATE SCREAMING about how they’re having a “deleterious effect on our ability to get motivated.” Goldust and Truth just go NYAHHH and flee. It’s f*cking great, and I want a WWE Network show that’s just Bob Backlund being forced to Catch ‘Em All.

Here’s the best compliment I’m gonna give this Raw: they made an effort to even make the stuff I wasn’t going to like make more sense.

Normally, distractions and bad comedy segments come in out of nowhere and vanish. Here, yeah, they’re using Pokemon GO as a way to cause a distraction in a tag match, but it’s at least established that it’s going on before it happens. During the show, Goldust and Truth’s quest to Catch Some Of Them makes them interrupt Sasha Banks before her interview, causes them to get in Bob Backlund’s way while he’s trying to motivate Darren Young, and, ultimately, sends Truth wandering through the ring while the Shining Stars are trying to wrestle Enzo and Cass. You see what I’m saying? Instead of someone in creative farting into their hand and wafting it toward a camera, we actually have a cogent story to follow that “pays off.” It doesn’t mean it’s a great idea, but it’s an idea, and that’s something.

Now all I want is for the Shining Stars to get mad at Golden Truth and try to feud with them, Golden Truth to ask them if there are any unique Pokemon in Puerto Rico, and then have them all be best friends because these dudes want to go to Puerto Rico.

Best: Had A Dream

Up next, probably the best women’s match in the history of Raw. “Probably” meaning “definitely.”

While it might not have been quite as good as some of the very top-tier NXT women’s matches, Sasha Banks vs. Charlotte for the WWE Women’s Championship on this Raw is at least in the conversation. I don’t think any of us expected the match to happen now, the night after a pay-per-view and weeks before SummerSlam, and well-removed from a WrestleMania where Sasha probably should’ve been champion. After months of stop-and-go “we want Sasha” chants and iffy Sasha follow-throughs AND after a draft that split the division in half. It seems like the wrong time, but you know what? It turns out any time is the right time.

This was chaotic danger. That’s the best way I can describe it. Sasha and Charlotte already have great chemistry — their match at the NXT San Jose live show over WrestleMania 31 weekend is still one of my favorite live matches ever — and it’s made even greater by their desire to hurt each other and themselves for real to put the match over. Seriously, Charlotte is already gymnast bendy, which makes Sasha’s submission look money, and I’m pretty sure Sasha Banks doesn’t have bones. That Lita-style crash-and-burn on the dive made me cringe. Charlotte only getting caught by the arm on that top rope moonsault to the outside was almost as bad.

But the thing about their reckless danger is that it made the fight feel big and important, like they were willing to do ANYTHING to be Women’s Champion. I always love and appreciate how Sasha Banks plays her character walking, and how that character brings out the best kind of fire in Charlotte. The key moment is, of course, Sasha paying homage to Eddie Guerrero and getting Dana Brooke ejected with some imaginary cheating. The shot of her on the ground smiling and waving goodbye is pretty f*cking iconic. But even beyond that, you had moments like Charlotte’s YOU’LL NEVER BEAT ME, complete with the most hateful facial expressions ever. Charlotte and Sasha are just infinitely compatible, and even though NXT homers like me will always associate Sasha with Bayley, Sasha and Charlotte might be the true pro wres rivals.

The new presentation of the show helped the match tremendously. The championship match was viewed as important, and we’re deep enough into the Women’s Revolution that we don’t have to keep insisting upon it. We can just let two engaging, talented female performers tear it up with something important on the line. We can let them be fully formed characters with acknowledged histories and bright futures. We can give it time, and we can give it Corey Graves instead of JBL. We can create a Michael Cole that knows Graves is going to drag him if he f*cks up. And, most importantly of all, we can trust the wrestlers to transform a crowd from a bunch of disinterested hand-sitters into SA-SHA and THIS IS AWESOME chanters. That’s what they did. That’s what everyone did.

This was lovely and brilliant, and instantly one of my favorite WWE matches of the year. The post-match stuff with the edge snatching and Facetime calls to Bayley made it even better. Congratulations, Sasha. Like the crowd said, you deserve it. Every crowd should tell you that.

Best: DID THAT JUST HAPPEN

WWE’s (probably accidentally) stumbled upon a real sweet spot with Roman Reigns, where we’re SO down on him and SO convinced that he’s always gonna win that when he doesn’t, it’s both pleasant and shocking. It’s like the smaller scale version of John Cena getting his lunch eaten by Brock Lesnar at SummerSlam. I don’t know how long it can last, but I’m loving it.

If you’re like me, you spent most of the main event being like, “they did a great job of making Finn Bàlor look important on his first night, I should probably make peace with another month of Rollins vs. Reigns now.” Him losing just seemed like the thing that always happens, right? The rationale would be that even though they did what you expected, they dressed it up with enough positives that you’re okay with it. And then … new Raw is actually new.

Like I said, I feel like WWE finally addressed the problems with Raw and was like, “here’s an attempt to fix it.” Roman vs. Finn is such a great match because it immediately pairs a debuting Finn an Internet rabid to see Prince Devitt on Raw with a humbled, post-suspension Roman Reigns and a WWE fanbase absolutely uninterested in forgiving him for ANYTHING. It plays perfectly on the expectations of what Raw usually is and what it’s always been, and how that might change. It’s actual positivity with the work shown, and I can’t praise it enough. I’ve seen some good Raws over the past few years, but I haven’t seen one in ages that made me say, “Wow, I can’t believe that happened.”

Plus, the match was, like so many other things on the show, very good. Roman has always been underrated in the ring, and Bàlor just bludgeoning him with shots at the end was awesome. Roman takes punishment better than almost anyone in the company, which is why it’s so frustrating when he shakes it off to be a super hero. There’s a lot you could still worry about — Bàlor vs. Rollins could be the most self-indulgent battle of stompy Crossfit ballerinas ever, or it could be a passionate f*ckin’ masterpiece — but for once, truly, everything is moving forward at once. Not just part of the show. The show. Raw seems better, not just part of it. Not just the vibe or the moment. And that’s enough to at least get happy and confident enough to see if they screw it up next week. Because holy sh*t dude, what if they don’t? What if wrestling is just good again all the time?

Because it can be.

Your move, Smackdown.

Best: Top 10 Comments Of The Night

Mr Grift

Someone is in the BIG DOG house.

lovinit056

Finn: I just can’t get away from these damn Samoans.

BurnsyFan66

I hope when Balor beats Roman tonight, the Uces come out and lift Balor up on their shoulders.

Harry Longabaugh

Hey! It’s those two guys who talk funny and are convinced that their island is a paradise. And they’re wrestling the Shining Stars!

mikeybot

So, Braun’s new gimmick is Hipster Big Show?

Brocky

Poor make a wish kid. Over comes throat cancer, has to fight strowman

troi

James Ellsworth was a risky draft pick by Raw.

Pro Wrestling Gorilla

GRAVES: Gallows and Anderson aren’t concerned with balloons and cereal. They’re concerned with checks and championships.
SAXTON: Chex is a cereal, Corey.
GRAVES: SHUT UP BYRON I HATE YOU SO MUCH
SAXTON: JBL?

Taylor Swish