Previously on the Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro: WCW went on SPRING BREAK, mostly centered around Larry Zbyszko complaining about hipster golfers and Kevin Sullivan booking himself to throw a jobber into a swimming pool. Also on the show, a future pederast was named Miss WCW Monday Nitro Spring Break. It was weird.
Remember, if you want us to keep writing 20-year-old WCW jokes, click the share buttons and spread the column around. Things have officially gone crazy in 1990s professional wrestling, and we want to write about it at least until Three Count shows up.
And now, this week’s pay-per-view edition of the Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro, the Best and Worst of Uncensored 1997. Here’s what you need to know:
Before We Begin
If you haven’t been keeping up with the Best and Worst of Nitro and are joining us for the first time, here’s what’s been going on during the build to the main event at Uncensored.
– Lex Luger broke a bone in his hand before his Tag Team Championship match against The Outsiders at SuperBrawl VII and did everything he could to get into the match, but kept getting stonewalled by Eric Bischoff. He ended up wrestling anyway, throwing Bischoff at the ground and helping Giant unseat the tag champs. Bischoff has a history of retconning any and all nWo losses, though (because it’s a terrible idea to have the same character be in charge of the wrestling promotion and the evil faction trying to destroy it), so the next night on Nitro he was like, “yeah, no, give us back the belts.” Luger agreed, under one condition: at Uncensored, they do a big WCW vs. nWo match with all the title belts on the line. Bischoff agreed.
Then, because WCW hates you and everyone watching, Bischoff changed his mind. That led to Turner Sports suit Harvey Schiller guest starring on Nitro to suspend Bischoff. Somehow that still didn’t get Luger the match he wanted, and it ended up being a three team match between WCW, the nWo and non-WCW employee-with-a-grudge Rowdy Roddy Piper with zero belts on the line. No idea.
– Since he’s not officially a WCW wrestler despite main-eventing two consecutive WCW pay-per-views and appearing on a ton of Nitros, Rowdy Roddy Piper needed to find three friends to be his partners at Uncensored. Instead of asking actual wrestlers to be in the match, Piper held a series of escalating jobber shootfights featuring exactly one (1) nominal wrestler (John Tenta), two (2) of his stuntman pals from his direct-to-VHS action movies, and three (3) hairless, helpless never-nudes. The crowd shit all over it, so the next show replaced these idiots with more familiar idiots, the Four Horsemen, and Piper openly complained about it for like 20 minutes.
– In a related note, The Outsiders tried to for-realsies kill the Steiner Brothers by running them off the road in a car. This resulted in Scott being totally fine and Rick having some inner ear issues, because I’m pretty sure you could shoot either of the Steiners in the face at close range with a shotgun and they’d be fine. At Uncensored, they’ve joined Team WCW to get revenge for being attemptedly manslaughtered.
– NBA star Dennis Rodman got suspended for kicking a cameraman in the dick, so he decided to join the New World Order. As you do.
– The Vigilante Sting™ has also apparently joined the nWo, but he’s not helping them attack people are celebrating with them. He’s just standing near them and glaring while they do stuff. I’m sure that means he’s definitely an actual member of the team and hates us all, right WCW announce team?
– Sadly no, there is no Doomsday Cage match this year.
Okay, let’s remove these censors and get the show going.
Best: Eddie Guerrero Vs. Dean Malenko, No Disqualification
Want to watch one of my favorite WCW cruiserweight matches ever, one of the best pay-per-view openers ever and probably the best singles match these guys had against each other in the company? Peep Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko, no disqualification for the United States Championship opening this show. Holy shit I love this match. What I love about it so much is that yeah, it’s Eddie Guerrero vs. Dean Malenko, but it’s completely different from their other matches.
To catch you up, Guerrero won the U.S. title at Starrcade with incidental help from the nWo, then accidentally helped Syxx win the Cruiserweight Championship from Malenko at SuperBrawl. Malenko put two and two together and was like, “okay, enough trading respectful pinning combinations, you’re pissing me off and I’m gonna punch you in the face about it.” Stinko’s pissed that Guerrero’s turning heel, and Guerrero says he’s not doing anything, he’s just trying to live his life in a promotion full of shitheads and cheaters. Malenko cost Guerrero a match with the Faces of Fear and keeps calling him out, and Eddie’s getting madder and meaner about it. So here at Uncensored, they have a match built around how much they suddenly hate each other, so much so that they not only want to win, they want to dickishly assert their dominance over the other. It’s GREAT.
The psychology in this match is A-fucking-plus. Malenko tries to pin Guerrero with a frog splash, so later in the match Guerrero one-ups him by putting him in the Texas Cloverleaf. A guardrail spot gets a callback. Eddie is supposed to be this passionate good guy, and he’s using the ropes for leverage in submission holds and screaming about how he’s gonna break Malenko’s leg. All of this with the trademark Guerrero/Malenko chemistry and smoothness.
Even the crappy sports entertainment finish makes sense! Syxx shows up to steal the championship like he keeps doing, and gets into a tug of war with Eddie. Is he doing that on purpose to cause the same tug of war belt shot to Malenko and help Eddie win? That happens, but Malenko has already lived through that shit and sees it coming, ducks it and blasts Eddie in the face with Syxx’s video camera. That’s good enough to give him the pissed-off little dad moral victory, and there’s a great post-match moment where Malenko holds the camera and looks at it a little too long, like he’s trying to rationalize to himself that he’s done the right thing, and not just sunk to Guerrero’s (presumed) level.
Baller, all the way through. Love this match.
Best: Dusty Rhodes, Always
Until WWE Network adds WCW Saturday Night to the rotation, Dusty Rhodes-called pay-per-views are the best thing in the world. Dream is in rare form on this show, and in just the first match he’s got enough gems to fill a column. He talks about how Malenko, “needs to get unwobbly, and get up,” and drops my favorite underrated Dustyism, saying Eddie is “lollygaggin’ him.” His analysis of the guardrail spot is next-level Dust.
“You’re very observant. And that’s what happened. They were, they was a’goin’ on the knee of Malenko, trying to cripple him. And then Eddie hit the safety rail up in the upper part of his body, and now they trying to cripple him on the upper part of his body. That’s a good call. That’s a way to be very de-loogiant.”
Pretty sure he’s trying to say “diligent” there. Wait until we get to his discussion of toilet location in the Public Enemy match, or his intense argument about cement hauling in the strap match. Dusty Rhodes was the greatest.
Best/Worst: Ultimo Dragon Vs. Psicosis
Not sure I’ll ever be able to go back to typing “Psychosis.” I’ll probably call him the “Ultimate Dragon” before I do that again.
Anyway, for some reason WCW decided to book a great match nobody cares about after a better match everyone cared about, with absolutely no build, for on reason. Mike Tenay tries to put it over as WCW’s most “colorful cruiserweights” going full-tilt to rise in the rankings of the division, because they both want to face Syxx for the championship. Tony (as he does sometimes) points out the very obvious, nihilistic flaw: “I don’t know what the point is. Even if you beat him for it, he’ll just hit you over the head and steal it back tomorrow.” But yeah, let’s still do 13 minutes of heel vs. heel for the right to maybe face a heel that wins even if he loses.
These guys kinda wrestle like video game characters, but they’re COOL video game characters, so it’s honestly really fun. Nobody this side of Super Calo threatens to injure themselves in the ring as much as ol’ Nicho el Millonario, best seen in his springboard leg drop from inside the ring to the FLOOR. Like, in a best case scenario you’re launching yourself like 12 feet in the air and landing on cement with your ass bone, all to drop the weight of one human leg on somebody. It doesn’t even have your weight behind it, you springboarded off to the side, you crazy nut. Dragon continues his theme of murdering dudes with his running Liger Bomb, too. I’m surprised they didn’t have to sweep Psicosis into a dust pan to get him out of the ring.
The crowd, of course, could not possibly give a shit. They haven’t been given a reason to, and this era of WCW’s so full of talented guys doing crazy moves with at least a skeleton of story behind it that you can’t get invested in guys doing the same for no reason. The nWo’s rendered every championship quest futile, ESPECIALLY after the Uncensored main-event bait-and-switch, so like, enjoy bruising your asshole to make 300 of 15,000 people clap, Psico.
Best: Ultimo Dragon’s Super Botch Save
At the end of the match, Dragon goes up top to hit a Dragonsteiner and, unless I’m reading this wrong and he actually did it on purpose, his leg doesn’t go all the way around. That leaves him kinda sideways in mid-air above the top rope with no way to finish the move. His solution? Grab Psicosis by the dome and hope for the best.
Tenay screams, “HE CALLS THAT THE TORNADO DDT!” and I’m like, “does he?” We know what a tornado DDT looks like, and I’ve seen a lot of Ultimo Dragon matches but I’ve never seen him do that. A top rope tornado DDT is a killer idea, though, with emphasis on killer, because if he’d taken this like a DDT instead of like a suplex he would be 1000% dead.
Dusty Rhodes Call Of The Match:
Dusty, Bobby and Tenay get into a long, absurd discussion about how Ultimo Dragon has a hectic travel schedule and only travels to Mexico City via rickshaw, because he’s afraid of flying. That turns into a bit about how it’s a “stretch rickshaw” that seats four and has a hot tub in it.
The best moment of commentary, though, is when Psicosis hits a big dive to the outside, Tony gets too specific about what they landed on, and Dusty straight-up makes fun of him for it.
Tony: “Both men land beyond the mat on the concrete, that carpet laying over concrete, actually, laying over particle board on top of ice here, at the North Charleston Coliseum.”
Dusty: “I got one there because they went all to the way [condescending voice] to the PARTICLE BOARD! Which is layin’ underneath the carpet which is layin’ on top of the concrete!”
Heenan tops it off with, “which underneath all of that is dirt.”
Worst: You Saw My Naked Wife In The Naked Photoshoot She Did! HOW DARE YOU
Diamond Dallas Page shows up for an interview where he once again tells Macho Man Randy Savage to “snap into” a Diamond Cutter, only this time he’s interrupted by Savage and Elizabeth. Savage says he’s been wrong about Page, and that Page is “the man, brother.” Turns out Savage came across an issue of Playboy Nude Celebrities in the airport, and that Page’s wife Kimberly is the centerfold. He notes that the issue also includes one of his “old girlfriends” Pamela Anderson — they did Baywatch together, he remembers, so I guess he hooked up with her before The Taskmaster choked him to death with the bench press — and that Tommy Lee is “cool with it.”
Anyway, the point here, bizarrely, is that Diamond Dallas Page is SUPER UPSET that Macho Man saw his wife’s nude pictorial in a popular magazine. “DON’T EVEN GO THERE!” As you can see in the picture, they added some editing “spray paint” to be able to show it on television. As you can also see from the picture, Diamond Dallas Page posed with her in the magazine. So Page is upset slash ashamed (?) that Savage bought a copy of the magazine he and his wife were in together and told people about it. This angle works, I guess, if you’re the type of cro-mag that brags about how hot your girlfriend is, then wants to punch anyone that looks at her.
At around this point, Kimberly wanders out spray-painted, and you’re left to wonder how Savage could’ve possibly timed this reveal unless Kim was in on it. He jumps Page from behind during the distraction and tries to hurt him, but Kim covers him up. That leads to Elizabeth volunteering to further spray paint her, causing Tony to stress out about “what a vixen she’s become.” Savage then gets back on the mic and is like, “HE’S THE MAYIN’! I LIKE HEEYIM!”
It’s not a wholly terrible idea for an angle, but you’ve gotta think how much better it would’ve worked if Savage had shown up all disingenuously complimentary of Page for seeing his wife naked and Page had been like, “… yeah, she’s hot, that was a lot of fun, what are you trying to do, why are you being weird?” Page starts to figure it out, wonders where Kim is, and THEN Kim wanders out spray-painted. The way they did it, Page just kinda seems ashamed of her twice. I guess he DID steal lottery winnings from her that one time and she left him for both a Little Richard impersonator and a butts-obsessed Brutus Beefcake dressed like a birthday cake, so maybe it’s consistent.
Worst: Call The Hotline, Somebody’s Gone
Is it Lee Marshall? Did he WEASEL his way out of a contract?
Worst: Roddy Piper Is Really Worried About Someone Trying To Fuck Him
Rowdy Roddy Piper shows up coked out of his gourd to be interviewed by Gene, and he is very worried about how gay everybody is. I don’t know if he’d locked himself in a prison on Fire Island to prepare for Uncensored or what, but dude’s a homophobic fountain here.
Gay jokes about Dennis Rodman include, “I live metal! I eat metal! I got metal in my hip, and I ain’t talkin’ about the Queen Mary! SPEAKING of Rodman!” Also, “I come out of here in my dressing room, there’s Rodman, he’s knocking on the door, he wants to try on the kilt. What’s the problem? HE WANTS ME IN IT! I DON’T BELIEVE NONE OF THIS GARBAGE!” Also, “You clone Hogan and Dennis Rodman together, you know what you get? You get Frederick’s of Hollywood Hogan!” ALSO, “That means you’re working, watching my back tonight, not jumping on it, GET IT RODMAN!” The Horsemen show up, and Piper makes gay jokes about THEM. He doesn’t know what a Horseman is. “Do they ride mares, or do they ride STUDS?”
Amazingly, that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is when he says he doesn’t have to do this to get Hogan in a cage, and openly screams WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY AM I DOING THIS? So to clarify, the non-WCW employee who is jeopardizing the future of the company by not helping them get the nWo banned from the sport for 3 years and get all the WCW titles back so he can exercise a personal grudge against one guy he’s already beaten twice is OPENLY ADMITTING THAT HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY, BUT HE’S DOING IT ANYWAY. Holy shit.
On top of this, he buries the Mongo/Jeff Jarrett angle and calls Chris Benoit “the wino,” You know Chris Benoit, the famous WINE ENTHUSIAST. I’m guessing he had no idea who the guy was, didn’t want to watch tapes and only saw one of those videos of him drinking wine with Woman in Germany. Hope he doesn’t drink too much wine before the match and accidentally try to have some gay sex with Roddy Piper!
The entire build for this has happened on the weekend shows, but Uncensored features the debut of MORTIS, the radioactive (?) skeleton (?) burn victim (?) from Taipei (?) who is managed by a businessman (?) and hates Glacier’s guts for reasons we never totally learn. His manager, James Vandenberg — the future “Sinister Minister,” not the quarterback — screams, “REMEMBER TAIPEI??” at Glacier a few times during the match, but that’s all we know. My theory is that if one guy’s Sub Zero and the other’s Scorpion, Glacier must’ve like, karate kicked him into a fire in Taiwan back in the day and now Mortis is back in skeleton form to get revenge.
Side note: As you might know, Mortis is played by future Best Guy On The Show Chris Kanyon, formerly one half of the wonderful, legendary-to-me construction-themed jobber tag team MEN AT WORK. WCW went through a weird period in the 90s where the only idea they had for tag teams was, “SEXY FIREMAN CALENDAR??” Anyway, I’ll write about it a lot, but Kanyon is dope, one of the most underappreciated wrestlers ever and absolutely one of my favorites from this era.
This is a MARTIAL ARTS MATCH. Tony says it can be won “via pinfall, submission, or by knocking your opponent out.” So … a regular match? It features the same amount of martial arts as any other Glacier match, so … yeah, definitely just a regular match.
It’s a GREAT regular match, though, from my extremely biased point of view as the world’s foremost Blood Runs Cold historian. Glacier is still Glacier, but they work their asses off, and Glacier pulls out some cool new stuff like a top rope chop feint into a forward roll, into a crossbody out of the opposite corner. Mortis is an admittedly cool-looking wrestler whose “martial arts” look considerably better than Glacier’s. They manage to get the crowd into it and keep them there, and Glacier defeats his mortal (kombat) enemy with a Cryonic Kick in his debut.
But that’s not all!
After the match, Mortis jumps Glacier from behind, and James Vandenberg brings out his SECOND debuting Fight Game Guy on the night: WRATH.
Wrath is a giant … what is he, a Dovakhiin? I don’t honestly know, but he’s Bryan Clark, future member of the “what if the APA were into weed instead of beer” tag team KRONIK. He lays out Glacier with the Death Penalty, a head-and-arm Rock Bottom, basically. That leaves Glacier at a 2-on-1 disadvantage going forward, and I hope there’s someone out there that can show up and help our hero, especially if they’ve won more than two but fewer than four world karate championships.
One more side note: As you might’ve picked up, the first half of this show is pretty great, so you know the second half is gonna be the super opposite of that.
Worst: Buff Bagwell Uses A Strap On Scotty Riggs
Wait, I Could Probably Phrase That Better
Buff Bagwell easily wins a strap match against his former American Males tag team partner Scotty Riggs, and it probably would’ve been fun if (1) Riggs had ever, ever gotten to look good against Bagwell, or (2) Bagwell had ever seemed like he actually cared about winning. He spends most of the match playing to the crowds and the camera, even when Riggs is in control. He completely no-sells a lot of Riggs’ offense, too, including a low-blow. He’s a wrestler who knows he’s going to win, which is basically the worst wrestler.
The highlight of the match is the finish, with Riggs taking a horrific bump over the ropes into the apron with his lower back. If Shawn Michaels had taken that bump he would’ve split in half. Bagwell puts his feet on the top rope and uses them as leverage to hang Riggs in the only 30 seconds of a 13 minute match with any urgency.
Dusty Rhodes Call Of The Match
Dusty tries to make lemonade out of these bullshit lemons by explaining how easy it would be to win a strap match against a bag of cement, then gets mad at Tony for not understanding. It’s amazing.
Dusty: “See, if you was haulin’ cement around at the end of a strap, it would be easier. See this man, you got to get him out, so he’s not movin’, you know what I mean? If he’s moving, it’s harder to pull than a sack of cement. You follow me on that?”
Tony: [long pause as Tony tries to figure out how his life led him to this moment] “Yes, I guess I do.”
Dusty: “CEMENT IS A DEAD SACK, IT’S EASIER TO PULL AROUND”
In preparation for the main event, the nWo cuts a promo about how Kimberly’s Playboy spread gives them boners. Macho is like, “I got another notch in my belt!” Hogan responds with, “that’s what my belt is for!” Does … does Hollywood Hogan want the WCW Championship so he can hide his hard-on? Or is he talking about that weightlifting belt he always wears?
This comes back around to Piper’s gay panic promo from earlier. They say that now that they’ve seen Kimberly “without her skirt” and “know the deal” — read: now that they’ve gotten blueprints of her vagina — they can focus on Piper, who will be wearing a skirt. I don’t know. That leads to positive discussion about how Dennis Rodman might show up wearing a wedding dress, and Hogan saying he learned some tricks from “Rod the Bod.” Hulk Hogan is the only person who could call someone “Rod the Bod” and think it’s a compliment. I’VE BEEN HANGING AND BANGING WITH ROD THE BOD BECAUSE WE’RE TOO SWEET.
Worst: As The Haliburton Turns
The originally scheduled tag team match for Uncensored was number one contenders the Public Enemy defending the number one contendership (I think?) against Jeff Jarrett and Mongo. Jarret and Mongo got heterosexually inserted into Roddy Piper’s unit, which made the match Public Enemy vs. Harlem Heat.
At Uncensored, the match ends with Mongo hitting Public Enemy with the Haliburton. I wish I was kidding. It’s like they booked the match, changed the participants, and left the finish the same. Then they were like, “wait, does Sister Sherri not carry a metal briefcase?”
Dusty Rhodes Call Of The Match (And The Night)
You might not think Dusty could top commentary on floor layers and cement dragging, but you didn’t anticipate Harlem Heat using a toilet lid as a foreign object.
“LOOK! HE’S GOT A COMMODE LID! THAT’S A TOILET LID! THERE’S ONE BATHROOM MISSING A TOILET SEAT, CAUSE IT’S OUT HERE!”
It’s the pay-per-view equivalent of “HE GOT A BI-SICKLE!” As you know, nothing concerns Dusty Rhodes more than what’s going on with the toilets.
Bonus points for Dusty’s call when Johnny Grunge attacks Harlem Heat with a trash can lid. “WOO! HE LAID HIS OLD TIRED ASS OUT!” I feel like Dusty would’ve been just as obsessed with hilariously calling out Jim Duggan’s underpants full of athletic tape if Duggan ever made it onto pay-per-views.
Worst: Prince Iaukea Beats Rey Mysterio Jr. Again, This Time Clean, And Is Still Champion
To show you how great Prince’s title reign is, the opening video for the pay-per-view claims Prince is facing Mysterio to remove “some of the tarnish from his newly-won cruiserweight title.” He’s the Television Champion.
I challenge you to find a worse Rey Mysterio match than this. Mysterio vs. Great Khali looked like Mysterio vs. Guerrero compared to this.
Worst: The Main Event Changes Again
A few weeks ago, the proposed main event of Uncensored was WCW vs. nWo with all the titles on the line. Then, after Bischoff took it back and got suspended, it somehow ended up being Piper’s family of untrained, undershirt girl scouts vs. the nWo vs. WCW. Then it became Piper and three of the Four Horsemen vs. nWo vs. WCW. If Piper wins, he gets Hogan in a cage. If the nWo win, they get “carte blanche” on WCW TV, which became “they get a title shot whenever they want,” like a confusing ancestor to Money in the Bank. If WCW wins, which they couldn’t POSSIBLY with this stipulation, the nWo has to relinquish all their titles and everyone in the group is banned from the sport for three years. Team WCW is Lex Luger, the Giant and the Steiner Brothers.
At Uncensored itself, the nWo jumps Rick Steiner in the back and he gets taken to the hospital. WCW doesn’t or somehow cannot find a replacement, so now it’s Roddy Piper and Three Horsemen vs. four nWo members plus a fifth in Dennis Rodman vs. only three WCW guys. And the match is now elimination rules with staggered entry, like War Games. And WCW has to send out somebody in the first round, instead of getting any kind of bye for Steiner’s injury. And you can be eliminated by being thrown over the top rope, like in a battle royal.
Anybody got a Doomsday Cage lying around? Seriously.
If you couldn’t tell from all that, the main event itself is the hottest, hottest garbage. It’s the Alexandra Daddario of garbage.
WCW’s already down a man, right? So the first elimination, in the first five minutes of the damn match, is the Giant going for a Stinger Splash, missing, and eliminating himself. So that leaves WCW with TWO GUYS the ENTIRE MATCH. Piper and the Four Horsemen just attack them at will, too, because none of those dudes thinks getting rid of the New World Order forever is as important as Rowdy Roddy Piper getting a match to prove he can beat ONE of them three out of three times.
Speaking of Piper, he destroys the entire setup of the match by (1) entering a full minute too early, ignoring the staggered time entry and not having anyone stop him from doing so, and (2) spending most of his time in the match fighting Hogan on the outside. It’s the worst. Pretty soon after, Piper and his entire team get eliminated like chumps. Bet you wish you had John Tenta on the team now, don’t you?
So after Piper’s team and Scott Steiner get eliminated, we’re down to Lex Luger versus FIVE nWo guys. Hogan, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Macho Man and Dennis Rodman. In a moment I’ve got to give a supplementary Best, Luger decides to go NUCLEAR and almost wins the match by himself. He clotheslines Nash out of the ring and eliminates Hall and Savage with Torture Racks, and he even gets Hogan up and is moments away from pulling off the world’s greatest miracle upset, when — you guessed it — Dennis Rodman clandestinely slips Macho a can of spray paint, Luger gets either hit in the face with it or phantom sprayed in the eyes, is suddenly unconscious, and takes the pin. The nWo win, because of course they do.
The ultimate insult of all these Rowdy Roddy Piper segments with the jeans shootfights and the team replacements and all the crazy “shooting” on WWF and Howard Stern is that he loses, wastes everybody’s time, is a third party candidate siphoning away support from WCW in a match where they could’ve rid themselves of the nWo forever, and GETS THE CAGE MATCH WITH HOGAN ANYWAY. It happens at Halloween Havoc. I swear.
Okay, so here’s where the pay-per-view gets saved:
Best: Sting Comes Home
The nWo celebrate their victory by spray painting Luger, and Rodman gives him some bad paint-brushing. As they’re leaving, Tony starts in with his wrap-up speech, and all of a sudden …
Sting drops into the center of the ring, and everybody in the building is like, OH SHIT, WHAT, WHAT’S HE GONNA DO? The nWo is confused and the announcers are hopeful, so Hall, Nash and Savage return to the ring. Before anything can happen, Sting FLIPS THE HELL OUT and beats the EVER-LOVING CHRIST out of them with a baseball bat. The crowd LOSES IT.
One of the best, coolest pops and moments of the year. Dusty’s call really brings it home: “ALL HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE AT UNCENSORED, AND HELL BROUGHT WITH HIM A BASEBALL BAT!” Heart eyes.
Sting points his bat at Hogan, and Hogan works up some confidence via a Rodman shoulder rub. He tells Sting to put the bat down, so Sting drops it, holds his arms out and turns around. Hogan cautiously gets into the ring and tries a cheap shot, and Sting LIGHTS HIM UP. Hot damn, almost 20 years later it still gives you goosebumps. The next night on Nitro, it gets even better.
That’s Uncensored. A show that starts off great, gets good, gets bad, gets terrible, then goes back around to great again. Sting has come home, and y’all better kiss his ass for the rest of his life and never second guess what he does.
(They don’t, it’s fine.)