The New Day Wants You To Save The Tables, And They’ll Go All The Way To The White House To Get It Done


The New Day rely on the power of positivity, but they aren’t messing around when it comes to their #SaveTheTables campaign. The certified Best Thing In Wrestling Right Now have started an official petition in their campaign against the Dudley Boyz and their reign of table terror:

Some of life’s most memorable moments are spent with a table. Think of the family dinners, board game nights, and the hanky panky you and your significant other enjoy when you have the house to yourself. All enjoyed on or around a table!

We, The New Day, are here to alert you to the rise of a camouflaged menace, a filthy scourge, a lingering and powerful blight that should have been eradicated a decade ago, that threatens to mutilate & poach every table in existence. This plague refers to itself as The Dudley Boyz. These Boyz have been destroying tables, obliterating good wood, and spitting in the face of Mother Nature for years so it is time that we took a stand. Please sign this petition to ensure that our future generations don’t have to first learn about tables in history textbooks. Keep tables from going the way of the dodo bird. Keep them from going extinct.

And if this petition gains enough support, we’re pretty sure we can get the Dudley Boyz fired or tarred and feathered. Something really humiliating. Only you can prevent table violence.


Not sold? Well, what if we told you that they could end up with some pretty heavy hitters on their side?

Bill Nye


Sure, having POTUS’s support would be a pretty big deal, but does it really matter when the biggest name in the game is already behind them?

Sasha Banks

So what exactly will this petition accomplish? They’ve already smashed through their goal amount of signatures, but their Night of Champions match against those dastardly Dudleyz is still happening. Well, there’s still time before Sunday to remedy this affront to the important work the New Day is doing, and take back what we can all see is a clear personal insult to our Lord and Saviour Sasha Banks.

Won’t somebody please think of the tables??