Between her busy schedule of perfecting her Sexy Hogwarts Student cosplay, and doing whatever it is one does as a B+ player on Total Divas, Cameron somehow found time to bless us all with a brand new single, Bye Bye. Now, I’m no music journamalist over here, but guys, it’s…really something else.
The first thing you’ll notice is that it is somehow a whopping 5 minutes and 38 seconds. “Well, that’s pretty respectable for a non-musician to have that lengthy an output,” you may be thinking. No. No friend. No. There are a number of times, such as the very beginning, when you’ll think to yourself “Yeah, this is it, this is the perfect time to end this.” Nobody involved in the production had that thought at any point in time.
I attempted to break this video down – minute by minute at the very least – but for once I am throwing in the towel. I have been totally defeated by it. I mean, it’s based on true events, but also it’s a dream sequence, but also she might be hypnotized?
– dressing in a cat suit, grinding on the wall of a corporate bank tower lobby
– not observing proper helmet safety in the worst attempt at motorcycle riding in a wrestling music video since Real American
– reenacting a fever dream mash-up of Rebecca Black’s Friday and Cinderella’s Nobody’s Fool
– dressing as a sexy evening gown mobster who’s really into misandry
Okay, that last one isn’t so bad, if not hilariously executed.
The whole thing is confusing and frenetic, and I’m pretty sure has given at least three children in Japan seizures. I watched it so many times in an effort to understand at least part of it, but not even a three-hour YouTube wormhole of Nineties Alternative CanCon (arguably the greatest music ever) could get the words “bye bye” out of my head. I think they might be there forever. It is almost completely audibly and visibly offensive, so please, proceed with caution: