Cesaro’s Highly-Caffeinated Powerthirst Parody Is The Morning Fuel You Need

Let’s talk about Cesaro. Not only is he a dashing and successful man who probably carries the DNA of Zeus (the god, not the wrestler), it seems like he’s got a pretty self-aware sense of humor. From his wardrobe selection when he met Grumpy Cat to his battles on the independent scene with the ring steps, I get the notion that he doesn’t take himself super seriously outside the ring, which is a welcome attribute. As it turns out, I totally forgot just how far back that good-humored streak goes. As I was browsing through the Young Bucks’ AMA thread on Reddit, someone posted a link that reminded me pretty quickly. Under his given name of Claudio Castagnoli, he made a Powerthirst parody about his love of coffee back in 2011. Yes, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted.

There is SO MUCH to love about this, starting with the obvious:

  • Assuming he made this himself (and I have no reason to believe that’s not the case), Cesaro has rudimentary video editing skills. That’s amazing. I want to know which other former independent standouts have computer-related secret talents. Does Samoa Joe have an underground EDM career to fall back on?
  • Uppercut Roast needs to be a real thing. It should have distinct notes of hazelnut, vanilla, and Tim Donst’s teeth rattling around in his head.
  • He managed to slip a German insult (weichei) in there because, as you’ve noticed, he’s preposterously European.
  • Speaking of distinctly European things, this came out well before Vytautas Mineral Water. Cesaro needs to get on the next flight to Lithuania and start serving some cease-and-desist uppercuts.

I’m hoping that someone at the WWE Network sees this because Wrestlers Getting Coffee in Cars with Cesaro is an automatic hit. I’m just worried that we’ll eventually run out of Emmys to award it.

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