Global Force Wrestling Revealed Their Roster, And It’s As Disappointing As You Think It Is

Is there a more frustrating company out there right now than Global Force Wrestling? Hot off the heels of about seven breaking news announcements that announcements would be forthcoming, GFW inched a little closer to being a real thing today when they revealed a few names on their roster. The press conference was held at the Orleans hotel in Las Vegas — the site of their upcoming TV tapings — broadcast exclusively on… wait, no. To piece any information together about this advertised roster reveal, you had to sort through a single hashtag, with no updates or information coming from Global Force themselves.

Las Vegas radio host Pauly Kover was in attendance and managed to post a few updates from the press conference. Here’s the exciting reveal that their website is in the process of being updated:

View this post on Instagram

#GFWVegas @karenjarrett @realjeffjarrett

A post shared by Pauly Kover (@thepaulykover) on

From what we can tell, this “major roster reveal” means that you’ll be seeing Davey Boy Smith, Jr. (one half of the Killer Elite Squad tag team), PJ Black (formerly Justin Gabriel), and NJPW Bullet Club members Doc Gallows and Machine Gun Karl Anderson.

That is… well, yeah, okay. I probably wouldn’t have bothered broadcasting that, either. The rumors prior to the reveal indicated that Global Force had also been trying to woo Team 3D, Shelton Benjamin, and Chris Masters, ensuring that they’d be cool to at least one person who hasn’t watched wrestling in at least a decade.

If you are really excited at the idea of seeing Justin Gabriel wrestle in a ballpark in Tennessee in 2015, then Global Force is absolutely the choice for you. The North American broadcast of NJPW’s Wrestle Kingdom earlier in the year was a huge get, but they’ve somehow managed to use up all of the goodwill afforded to them by people excited for easier access to the Japanese company, and to watch NJPW with English commentary (said commentary was… barely passable at best).

With the upcoming television tapings in July, Global Force will have to work a lot harder to lure people into investing emotionally and financially in a company that thus far consists of four wrestlers and Hermie Sadler. Let’s hope they start looking to all of those “global partners” to start filling in some blanks before we have to see Amber Gallows get smashed in the head with a guitar so Jeff Jarrett can be the King of the Mountain one more time.

**UPDATE**

We didn’t have to wait another month for that website update! GFW has posted the following press release:

Fans will be able to see stars like the “Bullet Club” tag team of “Machine Gun” Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows; the “Killer Elite Squad,” a tag team composed of Lance Hoyt and Davey Boy Smith Jr., who have made a name for themselves in Japan as well as stints throughout the world. Also joining GFW are Chris “The Adonis” Mordetsky, South African sensation PJ Black, former NFL offensive lineman Quinn “Moose” Ojinnaka, and women’s stars Lei’D Tapa and Thea Trinidad, with more names to come.

Okay! So that’s…I guess that’s better? They’ve also advertised “legends,” so I guess we’ll find out in a month that it’s just Taz and six pairs of old wraparounds he used to use during SmackDown tapings. But who knows? Maybe it’ll be like Cutthroat Kitchen, where they just had to give up all the prime rib in your basket, and still have to make a culinary masterpiece of of old shoe leather and lunch meat leftovers. Will we end up with something that reminds us of a good wrestling promotion, or something that should probably be tossed in the garbage, unfit for consumption by anyone?

Either way, I’m pretty sure it’s clear that yes, I would much rather watch Food Network reruns at this point.

×