A Florida Court Will Force Unlucky Jurors To Sit Through Hulk Hogan’s Sex Tape

10.05.15 3 years ago 8 Comments

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According to Radar Online, the judge presiding over the Hulk Hogan-Gawker trial will force the jury to watch Hogan’s now-infamous sex tape:

According to a written ruling by Florida Circuit Court Judge Pamela Campbell obtained by Radar, “When the video is played for the jury at trial, the monitors shall be turned in such a way so that only the jury, the parties, their trial counsel, and court personnel may see the video.”

However, the judge wrote, “The public and press shall not be excluded from the courtroom when the video is played, and the pooled camera shall not be turned off during such time.” – via Radar Online

Man, imagine being, like, a court stenographer for this trial. You show up to work, you’ve had your coffee, managed to squeeze in a decent breakfast, and didn’t have to rush around because you misplaced your car keys again. You’re ready to take on the day, and then, oh, oops, now you have to watch Hulk Hogan unemotionally drill some schlub’s wife and say the n-word a bunch. Not only that, but think of the people who don’t get to see the monitors, but get to listen to everything as it happens. What a confusing and fascinating roller coaster that will be! “Are they doing it? Are they moving a fridge? When do we get to the prejudiced pillow talk? After they put the fridge down? Yikes, that doesn’t sound good. I hope they’re staying hydrated and lifting with their legs!”

Gawker released a heavily edited version of the tape in 2012, so there’s a good chance a number of people will already have a vague idea of what’s going on other than ‘and then sex happened.’ This appears to be the full version, which will more than likely be significantly more revealing, and somehow even more damaging for the former WWE Hall of Famer. There’s no date for when this select few people will be alternately well-informed by the prosecution/probably scarred for life, nor any indication as what it could further reveal. Is Hogan somehow even more racist? Is Brutus ‘The Barber’ Beefcake lurking in the shadows? Does he secretly tag in the Nasty Boys? Are Tony Schiavone and Larry Zbyszko constantly interrupting to give us breaking updates on the condition of Hogan’s dick?

And is it weird to hope the last one is true?

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