The Knockout Report 11/29/18: A Dirty Shame

11.30.18 3 weeks ago 9 Comments

Impact Wrestling

Hello Impact fans and curious rubberneckers! I’m Elle Collins, and this is the Knockout Report. I’ll fill you in on everything that happens in Impact Wrestling, but I’m always going to lead with the Knockouts Division, because they deserve it. You can follow me on Twitter here, With Spandex here, and Uproxx here. You can watch Impact Wrestling on Pop every Thursday at 10 p.m. Then on Fridays, read this column and share it with everyone you know.

Two weeks ago, Taya Valkyrie challenged Tessa Blanchard to a rematch for the Knockouts Title at Homecoming, and Brian Cage traded in the X-Division Championship for a chance to fight Johnny Impact for the World Championship.

Last Week On Thanksgiving

Literally the only thing that happened on the Thanksgiving show was the 2nd Annual Eli Drake Gravy Train Turkey Trot, a five-on-five gimmick match where whoever gets pinned has to wear a silly turkey costume. The team captains were Eli Drake and Fallah Bahh, and they each drew their teams from a spinning drum. Somehow, Drake still only drew heels and Fallah drew faces—how bizarre! Fallah’s team was KM, Dezmond Xavier, Alisha Edwards, and visiting Japanese comedy wrestling legend Kikutaro. Drake’s team was Katarina, Rohit Raju, Jake Crist, and visiting not-much-of-a-legend Disco Inferno. Scarlett Bordeaux came out in a sexy Pilgrim costume and watched the match from the stage, because she’s still doing her “talent search.”

There were some fun spots in the match, but nothing you’re going to be sad you missed if you’d fallen asleep early from eating so much turkey. And by the way, word got out early that Disco Inferno was at this taping, and a lot of people were very “LOL TNA” about it, but let’s be real. Guesting on a holiday show, taking the pin in a silly gimmick match, and dressing up like a turkey is exactly what Disco Inferno should be doing in wrestling these days. He even got some additional humiliation from Scarlett, because, as we’ve discussed, she’s the devil.

Now without further ado, here’s the full Knockout Report for November 29, 2018.

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