What does the future hold for Gene Snitsky now that his WWE and very brief TNA careers are seemingly at an end? I suppose he could be the guy who makes the funnel cakes at the carnival. Or maybe the guy who runs the Tilt-a-whirl at the carnival? Something at the carnival?
Nope! Apparently somebody at the Power Pressure Cooker XL corporation saw Gene Snitsky and thought, “Hey, this giant, hideous pro-wrestler is the perfect man to sell our product to our target audience of middle-aged women.” Yes, Gene Snitsky is selling pressure cookers — the Slap-Chop trend of making infomercial pitchmen as unappealing as possible has reached its absurd pinnacle.
But Gene Snitsky isn’t just screaming slogans at the camera, oh no, he’s providing recipes like some balding, acne-riddled Julia Child. Here he is turning a low country broil into high-class fare.
I love Snitsky’s mostly chucking-based style of cooking — this is fairly obviously the first time the man has prepared food in his life. But wait! Call right now, and I’ll throw in Gene Snitsky making BIG N’ BOLD pulled pork, for absolutely free!
What is Snitsky’s deal with pouring water? But wait, there’s more, because I’ve also got Gene Snitsky, star of the upcoming move Mahhnhunhurr, making great beef chili!
Still not convinced? Well here’s Snitsky with five Dude Tips for why you should buy an old lady pressure cooker…
Here’s those five tips again just in case, you know, you need to print them out to take to the tattoo parlor.
5) It’s a gadget that MAKES FOOD.
4) You’ll instantly become more popular!
Get ready to live the go-go, celebrity lifestyle of a Mike Knox or Gene Snitsky the minute you plug this bad boy in!
3) It’s fast as lightning!
Hey, how’d this actual function of a pressure cooker get in here?
2) It will make you rich!
Or so Gene Snitsky would hope.
1) The girls totally dig a guy who can cook!
If whipping up various pots of brown slop in the Power Pressure Cooker XL doesn’t immediately get you laid, it’s not Gene Snitsky’s fault. The Power Pressure Cooker company immediately going bankrupt on the other hand — well, Gene might have to shoulder a bit of the blame for that one.