When news broke that former WWE and WCW champion Kevin Nash had gotten arrested for fighting his teenage son on Christmas eve, we made all the appropriate jokes. As it turns out, his son made the best joke of all in the police report.
According to TMZ, there are two version of the story. In Tristen Nash’s he gets hit with a chokeslam. From Kevin Nash. In real life.
TMZ just got the two police reports. As for Kevin’s arrest … the report says he told cops his son came home wasted and belligerent toward him and Kevin’s wife, then spit in his face and elbow-checked him. Kevin told cops he pinned Tristen to the ground and that’s when Tristen scratched his face.
But Tristen said Kevin was berating him over his relationship with his girlfriend. He says Kevin then choke-slammed him to the ground and, just like Kevin’s signature move, Tristen says he hit is head so hard on the ground he blacked out.
Cops arrested Kevin because they felt he was the “primary aggressor.”
As for Tristen’s arrest two hours later … Tristen’s uncle told cops the young man — who is 6’5″ and 200 lbs — was drunk and had “slung his mom around the kitchen” and tried attacking him as well.
I’m inclined to believe Kevin’s story, because there’s no way his weak-ass chokeslam could knock somebody out. If you take the two reports and put them together, it plays out exactly like this match sequence. Is Kevin Nash’s teenage son Jeff Jarrett?
Here’s a news story featuring footage of Nash in court, courtesy of WFTV. It also features the 911 call, where Nash delivers the news that his son’s on a rampage with the same trademark lethargy he’d use to say he’s not afraid of Sting.
They mention his work in “popular movies,” but sadly don’t specifically identify him as Tarzan, Super Shredder or The Russian.
This was WWE’s statement, which could’ve just been THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH US in flashing letters:
Kevin Nash has not regularly performed for WWE since January 2004. He is currently under a non-wrestling ‘legends’ contract, which has been immediately suspended until this domestic dispute is resolved.
Nash’s tweets about the incident are remorseful and a little downtrodden, which you’d expect.
After all of this, the message is clear: if you’re going to beat up your teenage son on Christmas eve, use Snake Eyes. It’s a better move.