Kurt Angle is currently knuckle-deep into his “Golden Truth” tour of the UK, wherein he hopefully just talks about his time as an Olympic athlete and pro wrestler instead of giving people graphic design lessons. A stopover in Westminster led to an incredibly random luncheon with a member of Parliament, seemingly baffling the British media:
The Mirror has attempted to reach out to both Kurt Angle and Tory MP James Cleverly to find out exactly why they had lunch and what they talked about, but no one will respond to them, and they just can’t seem to figure it out. Though the MP has, in the past, admitted to online pornography viewing, drug use, and wanting to bone down on the Home Secretary Theresa May, he’s never publicly admitted to being a wrestling fan. Oh come on now, are we still pretending that’s a thing to be embarrassed about?
While the conversation was probably just him making Cleverly list the different words they have for things (Lift! Lorry! Boot!) and pronounce ‘aluminum’ over and over, this whole incident is much more enjoyable if you pretend this was the actual conversation:
“Oh, so you’re a Tory, just like your Prime Minister. Hey, didn’t that guy f*ck a pig?”
“No, no, terrible misunderstanding, that.”
“Okay, so he didn’t put his dick inside the pig?”
“… well, yes, but- ”
“That seems fairly cut and dry to me.”
“But it was Oxford. You know how school days go. And the pig was dead, and resting in another man’s lap, you see?”
“How does that make it better?”
“… fair point.”
“Those ‘Bae of Pigs’ jokes were pretty funny, though.”
“Yeah, the upside was that it really brought out the best in pun-based journalism. Anyways, I’m surprised you heard about that. It seems everyone’s gotten over their snoutrage, and didn’t seem to make a big impression in America. What makes you ask?”
“Um, no reason. Hey, did you know I’m a real-life cyborg?!”
I love getting stuck in a Mirror wormhole, because it makes everything happening in Britain seem absolutely insane. Like, who even cares that Kurt Angle had lunch with some backbench MP when these things are happening:
Oh my god what is even happening over there?