Welcome to the Over/Under of Lucha Underground for season 3 episode 10, where we talk about the best and worst moments from the best supernatural pro wrestling telenovela ever made. If you need to catch up — if you aren’t caught up, you should need to catch up — you can read about season 1 here, and season 2 here. Season 3 episode recaps can be found here.
Re-post: If you’re still wondering how to watch the show, it airs every Wednesday night on El Rey Network. If you don’t have El Rey on your cable system, you can get it on Sling. If you can’t do that, you can download the episodes on iTunes. They’re selling a “season pass” right now where you can get every new episode right after it airs. If you can’t do that, and you demand viewing information without just being a cheapskate and googling “watch lucha underground online free,” I don’t know what to tell you. Watch the show.
And now, the Over/Under on Lucha Underground season 3 episode 10, originally aired on November 9, 2016.
Over: The Believers Backlash, Minus The Thing That Causes The “Backlash” Pun Because Y’all Legitimately Tried To Hurt Hernandez
This week’s show begins with the very important resolution to the Mascarita Sagrada/Famous B story, which ends as we all predicted: with a 3-foot-11 man in a wizard hat rolling a bowling ball into another man’s crotch.
If you’ve missed the story up until now, here’s what you need to know. Temple jobber Famous B, most notable for being one of four chumps to have his arm broken by Pentagon Jr., back when Pentagon Jr. was a thing Lucha Underground appeared to care about, went into business for himself as a … sports agent, I think? He got his own hotline and series of infomercials, in which he promised fame and turned a local prostitute into something approximating a confused beauty queen. Anyway, B started soliciting in and around the Temple, and offered his services to Mascarita Sagrada. When “standing near the ring while Mascarita Sagrada wrestled” didn’t instantly make them both famous, B got frustrated and attacked him. B moved forward with a new client, dickhead lucha legend Dr. Wagner Jr., and Sagrada rested up at the house of a good-hearted co-worker’s mom and ate a bunch of pizza bagels.
Last week, Son of Havoc (the aforementioned co-worker with the mom) wrestled Wagner, with the winner getting to pick the stipulation for this week’s Sagrada/B blowoff. Havoc won, so Sagrada selected a “Believer’s Backlash” match — formerly a lumberjack match with strap-wielding fans as lumberjacks — now just a rebranded Fans Bring The Weapons match. Imagine Tommy Dreamer if he was four feet tall and dressed like the Tron version of the Pillsbury Doughboy.
In case you missed it, the match involves:
– Sagrada in football gear running into his opponent like he’s Steve “Mingo” McMichael
– Sagrada revealing a tiny ladder from under the ring, then placing it on top of the announce table to jump off of it instead of like, pulling out and using a regular sized ladder
– the hilarious notion that someone would bring a Famous B 423-GET-FAME cardboard cutout to a Lucha Underground fans bring the weapons match without that being handed to him by a winking producer
– Sagrada being stuffed into a garbage can
– Matt Striker asking what Mr. Hooper would think of Sagrada’s Oscar the Grouch impersonation. He must be pretty early in his Sesame Street binge watch if he doesn’t know what happened to Mr. Hooper
– A cameo from Rick Martel’s Arrogance brand perfume, which I’m pretty sure is the actual original prop:
– as mentioned, Famous B getting a bowling ball rolled into his balls and selling it so well he deserves a Pulitzer
– B trying to escape, Sagrada preventing that by holding his tie, and Beautiful Brenda helping by cutting the tie with giant scissors
– Melissa Santos bringing A GIANT PAIR OF SCISSORS to a fans bring the weapons match. Like, damn Melissa Santos, you’re hardcore. How did she expect those to get involved? Why was she just sitting there holding them politely if she brought them for somebody to use? Did Melissa Santos … did Melissa Santos want Famous B to cut off Mascarita Sagrada’s head?
– Interference from Dr. Wagner, which would’ve won the match for B if he’d just let it happen, instead of getting enamored with/wanting to protect a photo of himself
– Beautiful Brenda getting hit in the face with a pie, which gets a “holy shit” chant for some reason
– Brenda trying to wipe pie off her face with a roll of toilet paper
– the final, decisive blow of the match being Sagrada comically bopping B on the top of his head with Matt Striker’s shoe
I’d give this five stars, but after typing out all of that, I might have to give it the entire sky.
Over: Things Get Illuminutty
A few episodes ago, Kobra Moon belly-crawled into the men’s room to reveal that she and Drago were once part of the same clan. She wants him to join her again, and he says he never will. This week, we learn:
1. that Drago wasn’t part of the clan, he was a slave,
2. that Kobra Moon serves someone called “Pindar,” who Drago is shocked to find is still alive
3. the whereabouts of Daga, who was apparently “torn apart” by Pindar
I went to my local library and did some deep research — I typed “pindar” into google on my laptop — and found out that yep, Pindar is a lizard. Technically, he’s the lizard KING. The Illuminati lizard king. He represents the “purebred reptilian leader of the Inner Earth.”
Also of note, from a page I really shouldn’t have in my search history,
The leader of the Earths Illuminati is called the “Pindar”. The Pindar is a member of one of the 13 ruling Illuminati families, and is always male. The title, Pindar, is an abbreviated term for “Pinnacle of the Draco”, also known as the “Penis of the Dragon.”
This segment ends with Vinnie Massaro wandering into the room again and farting, which is absolutely not going to distract me from the kinda sorta reveal that Daga is dead because he got fucked to death by an Illuminati dragon.
Over/Under: A Sudden But Inevitable Betrayal
The middle of the show features a big 10-person tag, with the winners qualifying for next week’s Aztec Warfare. On one side is The Mack, Mariposa and Marty the Moth Martinez, Ivelisse and Tim Burton’s favorite wrestler, “Jeremiah Crane,” They’re facing Texano, The Man They Call We Call Him Cage, Argenis — sure — and Kill Shot and Dante Fox. Now, these are squads comprised of rivals because Dario loves violence (and especially loves making people who want to commit violence to each other team up to commit violence to others), but exactly one (1) of these rivalries got a pre-match vignette featuring a shifty-eyed hug.
Last week, Dante “AR” Fox returned from the international grave to attack Kill Shot for leaving him for dead. This week, Kill Shot approaches him in the back and is like, “hey man, water under the bridge,” and Dante’s like, “yes, yes, everything is fine” while pretty much mouthing “I AM GO ING TO KILL YOU.”
The match happens, and loud extended gasping noises, Dante betrays the guy he hates and openly attacked last week, allowing Marty to score the pin and send his team to Aztec Warfare. It’s a fun enough time-killer, but so telegraphed it should’ve been shouted at a pie chart.
Under: Ivelisse Is Hurt Again
Ivelisse missed most of her first Trios Championship run on crutches, and now (back in March, technically) she’s injured again. She counters a Kill Shot vertical suplex into a hurricanrana and gets her left foot caught under their combined body weight. Keep your eye on that foot:
Brutal. She rolls out of the ring screaming NOT AGAIN, and that’s heartbreaking.
Maybe next week we’ll get a scene of her getting her leg car door’d by the Worldwide Underground. Or we’ll get some tough love from the living Christmastime Is Here sad walk-away that is Jeremiah Crane.
Over: Grave Harder With A Vengeance
Finally, we have Mil Muertes in his signature match (that he’s lost two out of two times, which makes sense using WWE “signature match” rules) vs. Prince Puma. It’s more or less the ultimate match Lucha Underground can put on: its all-time biggest protagonist tecnico vs. its all-time most notable rudo, both former champions, literally fighting to the death in the company’s most prestigious gimmick match.
The first Grave Consequences is a masterpiece. The second Grave Consequences, GRAVER Consequences, is very good but nowhere near the original. The third installment, sadly not called GRAVEST CONSEQUENCES, is somewhere between them. Think of the first match as The Matrix, and the sequels as the sequels. It’s great, and at points absolutely unbelievable, but it never connects consistently like the original, and with it comes the best and worst of Prince Puma’s style.
The thing that made the original match work so brilliantly is Fenix. The guy not only took a beating, he physically and mentally got beaten practically to death. There were moments when I legitimately feared for his life. The ultimate in lucha libre pathos. Watching him fight through it and come back to win really meant something, because it seemed like such an improbability. Puma is one of the best and most entertaining wrestlers in the world, but you’re a fucking fool if you think “realism” is one of the reasons why. The guy wrestles in the uncanny valley. The shit he does is so bonkers spectacular and inhumanly superb that it works like magic in GIFs or clips or highlights, and a little less in the construction of a match we’re supposed to pretend is really happening. Like, I lost my mind when dude countered a Flatliner with a handstand. It’s incredible. But even when he’s being chokeslammed off the top rope through two tables and smashed face-first into the floor, he never really honestly feels like he’s “in trouble.” That quality makes some of his matches absolutely unforgettable, but stuff like Grave Consequences needs grit, man.
Still, it’s a hell of a match. These guys work on another physical level sometimes. I think my favorite bit was Puma bounding over a spear in the corner and Mil crashed into a steel chair, only to turn and head back the other way to spear him through a table. I also like the pre-match vignette that established Catrina wouldn’t bring Mil back if he lost a third Grave Consequences, and the lingering suspicion that Prince Puma’s burial might not keep him in the ground. I fully expect a shot of a furry hand bursting out a grave during a rainstorm. Don’t let me down, guys.
Bonus points if Vampiro actually goes into the underworld and fishes him out. I mean, hell, they straight up used the God of War music in the Mil Muertes vignette. It could happen.