Previously on NWA Powerrr: Way back in the halcyon days of early March we saw The Question Mark and Shooter Stevens call out the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express, Royce Isaacs try to break Sal Rinauro’s arm because of VLOG JEALOUSIES, and ventriloquist dummies from mysterious foreign lands.
If you’d like to keep up with these columns, you can do so on the NWA Powerrr tag page. Remember, NWA Powerrr and all its extra Rs is free to watch on YouTube, so check out episode nineteen if you haven’t already:
World Health Corganization
Welcome back to NWA Super Powerrr, the ersatz Clash of the Champions concept that was supposed to serve as the go-home show for the now-postponed Crockett Cup tournament. The special is book-ended by messages from NWA impresario William Patrick Corgan, who takes a break from being artisanal Kenny Rogers to let us know that while they’re frustrated they can’t do normal episodes and pay-per-views as planned due to the Circumstances (™ WWE), the National Wrestling Alliance isn’t folding and will pivot to a new show, Carnyland, until our general outbreak nightmare is over. No word yet on what that show will be, but I assume it revolves around former Oakland Athletics third baseman Carney Lansford. [checks notes] Sorry, Kizarny Lansford.
Jokes aside, it does my heart good to know that the NWA’s keeping the shit afloat during the global pandemic and will get back to the GPB Studios as soon as possible, assuming Atlanta doesn’t go full The Walking Dead between now and the end of summer. Be safe down there, everybody. Be safe anywhere!
Madi Maxx Goes Beyond Thunderdome
Meet Madi Maxx, who more or less has a Haley from Modern Family gimmick despite being named “Mad Max.” Shouldn’t she be covered in dirt and trying to win matches for gasoline, or something? At least when Mad Maxine was around she had a green mohawk and had post-apocalyptic punk vibes. Why are you Santana Garrett? Do you know how much pro wrestling could use an Imperator Furiosa character? Come on. Like, imagine Aliyah from NXT, except her name is INDIANA JO-ANNS. Maybe she’s a raider of the lost character arc. Who knows?
Anyway, she’s here to get completely eaten for breakfast by the debuting (in the ring) Kamille. The NWA previously released this match and the promo that goes with it on YouTube, and I’d recommend giving it a watch. They do a great job of making Kamille out to be a sort of realistic, modern day Mr. Perfect, where she’s spent her entire life being wildly dominant at everything she’s ever tried, which has caused these conflicting feelings of “fuck you” confidence and the complex, emotional fragility that comes with constantly having your accomplishments marginalized and denied. It could easily be sympathetic, but isn’t, because she’s so jaded and spiteful about it. Love it.
Also, it doesn’t hurt that she’s out here bodying folks with big-ass leg lariats and monster spears with a goddamn forearm in your face on the cover.
Pretty sure Kamille could take anyone else wrestling on this episode, or at least come close.
Villain Enterprises Goes Under
Super Powerrr’s main event is the Powerrr debut of Villain Enterprises — specifically Brody King, who rules, and Marty Scurll, whose name gets mispronounced by Dave Marquez despite him arguably being the most known star on the show — in, get this, a loss to Strictly Business. This is Strictly Business’ house. It ain’t loosely business.
This is the kind of match Powerrr can do really well. It utilizes a lot of southern tag team wrestling tropes, which are still mint, but it keeps up a good pace and doesn’t outstay its welcome at just under 10 minutes. While it’s not the “best” match I’ve seen on TV recently, it’s closer to my platonic ideal of modern pro wrestling than anything. It’s four guys who know what works, doing what works. It makes sense without being dense or necessitating a full knowledge of the characters and histories to tell a story. It’s the KISS principle. Keep it simple, stupid.
Sure enough, the “villains” are outsmarted by the basic villainy of punching your opponent in the dick behind the referee’s back, allowing SB to score the underhanded victory and further the Scurll/Nick Aldis beef without one of them randomly pinning the other five times a month. The National Wrestling Alliance continues to be an SB Nation. It’s a shame they had to postpone the Crockett Cup to give us a payoff, because I was going to have cageside seats.
In The Least Important Strictly Business News Possible
May Valentine is extremely distraught about the fact that her vlogs have lost 100 followers due to her jealous, abusive boyfriend trying to maim one of her friends on television. YouTube, whatever. Serious question: are May Valentine’s vlogs available somewhere else? Can she have “subscribers” for a show that only happens in the middle of someone else’s YouTube show? Shit, now I want to see Paul Bearer start feuding with Brutus Beefcake about The Barber Shop doing better than The Funeral Parlor in the 18–34 demographic.
I’m not sure what’s funnier, the fact that “a vlogger might lose followers because her jobber boyfriend is being a dick to a different jobber” might be the lowest stakes wrestling story ever told, or May’s incredible dialogue:
“You don’t know my heart, okay? You know nothing about me. Do not accuse me of that again. I’m pure, okay!”
The Question Mark Cinematic Universe Expands
Literally!
Meet QUESTION MARK JR., Shooter Stevens’ “insurance policy” to protect his team from Trevor Murdoch during their match against the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express. My favorite part of the entire endeavor is Stevens trying to dump on Murdoch for showing up at ringside after saying he’s injured with, “I guess you FLUNKED HONESTY!”
Stu Bennett also gives us an early contender for call of the year during QMJ’s introduction:
Stevens: “From the Mongrovian Forest, weighing in at 450 mongroves”
Bennett: [long pause] “How many kilograms are in a mongrove?”
The Question Mark doesn’t seem to know anything about the existence of a “Question Mark Jr.,” so unless that creepy ventriloquist puppet from the previous episode got turned into a real boy by the Blue Mongrovian Fairy, it’s safe to say even in kayfabe that it’s clearly fatter Bouncer Brian Milonas under the hood. Trust me, it’s not important. In addition to the match containing the recommended dosage of Shooter Stevens shenanigans, Murdoch ends up chasing Question Mark Jr. around the ring until the poor guy has to collapse:
Stevens gets distracted by the general helplessness of his massive insurance policy and gets rolled up for the loss, because of course he does. The Rock ‘n’ Roll Express have pinned the Third-Degree National Heavyweight Champion!
(Mama) Storm’s End
There’s also some catharsis for the viewers (crazy concept, I know) when Tim Storm defeats immediate threat “Vanilla Godzilla” Jax Dane by using the time honored Braun Strowman opponent strategy of moving the fuck out of the way when a big guy is running at you. Based on the pro wrestling physics that cause you to run into the ropes, bounce off of them, and run back at your opponent on an Irish whip, a large man who has built up a head of steam can’t stop under any circumstances and must run into something before he can stop. If you dodged a charge from Braun Strowman and there was nothing for him to run into, he’d just keep jogging in one direction until he hit ocean.
The match is pretty good in the same way every local Texas indie show main event like this is pretty good, and I say that lovingly. There’s still a place in wrestling for big guys who do headlocks and shoulder-tackles and NEED YOUR SUPPORT, FANS, to beat slightly bigger guys. Afterward, per the pre-match stipulation, Storm gets five minutes with Danny Deals, the local improv comedy jerk who has been playing “Momma Storm” on Powerrr with an increasingly unclear motivation. Deals tries to dress up like Momma to avoid the inevitable manslaughter, which causes a super funny, “he’s not Momma,” chant. Storm, who is lovable and gullible but not stupid, calmly removes “Momma’s” Golden Girls wig and Boss Man Slams him twice.
Happy Mother’s Day, everybody.
Also On This Episode
Tasha Steelz, who signed with Impact Wrestling the morning after this aired and will presumably never be back, wins a triple threat match against Ashley Vox and the modern day Dean Malenko, Marti Belle. Marti gets through most of the match without an issue, but is too scared of Steelz’ knees to bend all the way over for a Codebreaker and sells them even though they came a solid two and a half feet from making contact. It’s all good. Good luck on Impact, Tasha!
Melina and Allysin Kay try to barter their way into a title match against World Women’s Champion Thunder Rosa — Melina wants it because she’s a “living legend,” Kay wants it because of interference in her rematch — and end up in a triple threat for Crockett Cup, whenever that happens. Fingers crossed that the match suddenly changes when Kay and Melina are mysteriously softball-batted 300 feet to right-center by someone who had to have been padding their stats.
Finally, Eddie Kingston, Eli Drake, and James Storm give an absolute masterclass in how to sound like a human being when you’re talking into a microphone, no matter what your character is. These characters are DRASTICALLY different. Kingston’s this casually intense dude with a Yonkers accent who speaks to the crowd like they’re his equals, which allows him to hit them with relatable emotional beats. Storm is a confident, masculine redneck who SCREAMS EVERYTHING HE SAYS because he’s PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS BUSINESS and LOVES TO FIGHT. Eli Drake’s doing the sing-songy Attitude Era promos everyone loved from guys like The Rock, Konnan, and the Road Dogg. They couldn’t be more different, but they fit together because they always, for better or worse, sound like they’re being themselves. That’s money.
Next Week
