The Assumptive WWE Smackdown Spoilers Report For 9/24/15

09.23.15 4 years ago 29 Comments

Every week, With Spandex goes the extra mile to let you know what happened during this week’s Smackdown TV taping and tell you how you should feel about it, without ever asking you to watch. This is the price we pay for you. We could just type “a tag team match, probably?” and that’d be fine, but we know you’ve come to expect more from us.

That said, here’s us going “ugh, god” at a secondhand report of a show we didn’t watch.

Here’s What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: minus the snark, these are actual Smackdown spoilers)

1. Roman Reigns defeated Luke Harper. Dean Ambrose and the Wyatt Family were banned from ringside, so the match happened quickly and without incident. Shouldn’t… shouldn’t that be the solution to this story? That WWE bans all the people causing nonstop, non-wrestling fights from ringside and they listen? If they’re gonna listen here, why don’t they always?

Note: We’re always worried about what’s happening with Cesaro, but we should probably keep an eye on Luke Harper, as well. Braun Strowman knocked him down from a solid No. 2 to an expendable 3 on the Wyatt Family power rankings.

2. The New Day defeated The Lucha Dragons and Neville. Hey, Xavier Woods gets to wrestle! The spoilers report I’m copying and pasting-in says the New Day were “clowning around,” which I’m excited for. I hope one of them dressed up like Sin Cara and just helplessly fell over for 10 minutes.

3. Cesaro defeated Bo Dallas. Before the match, Bo made fun of Cesaro for always losing to The Big Show, and, I mean, he ain’t wrong. Cesaro wins this match, but we’ll consider it a fluke.

– This week’s Divas Revolution is a mashup of the segments from Raw. Charlotte and Becky Lynch cut a promo, Paige interrupts them and Natalya interrupts her. Paige gets slapped, jealousies are aired and a dancing frog in a top hat shows up with a sign that says WOMEN ARE THE WORST, AM I RIGHT.

4. Ryback and Dolph Ziggler defeated Rusev and Kevin Owens. Owens bailed on his partner, allowing Ziggler to get one of those “you were temporarily distracted and I attacked you from behind” wins that all great babyfaces rely on.

5. Dean Ambrose defeated Seth Rollins. Nothing says “loser” like holding a WWE Championship title! Ambrose won when Kane distracted Rollins with his fire pyro. Fire-o? After the match, Rollins tried to stand up for himself, but was once again scared by fyro. We can only assume he jobbed to fireworks because John Cena was unavailable.

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