Every week, With Spandex writes a column nobody reads about Smackdown, a show nobody watches, based on second-hand reports we didn’t verify. It’s all very important and professional.
If you’d like to know what happens on Smackdown without having to watch it, here’s what you need to know: Kane.
Now, here’s the Smackdown spoilers report.
Here’s What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(Reminder: Snark aside, these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– Seth Rollins opened the show with a promo — imagine that — and was interrupted by Corporate Kane on crutches. Corporate crutches. The main event of the show is announced as Rollins and The New Day vs. The Dudleys and “Demon” Kane with Corporate Kane at ringside. If you’re hoping they brought back Luke Gallows and dressed him up as Kane again, I’m sorry in advance.
1. Team B.A.D. defeated Team Bella. Continuing that weird thing none of us can figure out if they’re doing on purpose, Sasha Banks tapped out Nikki Bella. After the match, Team B.A.D. quietly walked backstage and sat down so they wouldn’t bother anyone or get in the way. (Serious note: Like you, I hope they’re just coasting with Sasha and Team B.A.D. until they can get that 30-minute NXT Iron Man match out of the way, and then it’s full speed ahead.)
2. Intercontinental Championship Match: Ryback defeated Kevin Owens (by count-out). The only thing worse than distraction roll-ups are heels taking count-out losses on purpose because they don’t want to fight, even though they’ve been fighting and doing well for like 10 minutes. This is one of those.
3. The Lucha Dragons and Neville defeated Stardust and The Ascension. Stay tuned for next Monday and Thursday’s Neville vs. Stardust matches to see where the story goes!
– Bray Wyatt cut a promo setting up Wyatt vs. Roman Reigns inside Hell in a Cell at Hell in a Cell. YO DAWG I HEARD YOU LIKED HELLS IN CELLS.
4. The Dudley Boyz and Demon Kane defeated Seth Rollins and The New Day. It’s not an episode of WWE TV if the World Heavyweight Champion isn’t taking losses! Kane starts off the match at ringside as Corporate Kane, gets injured and is taken to the back, where he transforms. They should just have him put on the mask in front of everybody and scream a bunch about how mysterious it was. The heels get chased away to end the show.