Welcome to the second pay-per-view in two weeks! I actually got to see this one, so before we begin:
– If you give his a read, please share it with everyone you have ever met. I’m not kidding. Show it to your ex-girlfriends, your high school teachers, people you see wandering around out front of the community college, homeless people. I’m looking to spread the word about these reports and can use every Facebook share and Retweet and Spotify Spotification you can muster. And no, I don’t have any idea what Spotify is or how it works.
– Also, I’d really appreciate it if you’d leave a comment after you’re done to let us know what you thought of the show or the report. If I can become enough of a voice for the voiceless, Jim Rome will start thinking I’m real and let me on his show.
– If you aren’t familiar with the Hell In A Cell concept, be sure to check out The Masked Man’s excellent Hell In A Cell preview over at Grantland. Also, bug him on the Internet so he’ll fill in for me on one of these reports one day. I can return the favor to him by filling in for Chuck Klosterman and remembering Ninja Turtles.
The Best and Worst of WWE Hell In A Cell is after the jump. Enjoy.
Hilarious Worst, Right Out Of The Gate: GOOD EVENING I AM THE LIVING MAN KNOWN AS HELL IN A CELL
Whoever made the creative decision to give the Hell In A Cell structure a villainous inner monologue about how it “brings out the worst” in WWE Superstars needs to either be fired or given a raise, I haven’t decided. “Welcome to the unforgiving confines of HELL, my wicked children of the night! I am a Godless structure, providing a wall a few feet away from ringside into which wrestlers may be thrown! No, not the security railing. I have holes in me! ABANDON HOPE ALL WHO ENTER ME and spend most of the match in the ring about ten feet away from me at all times! And nobody bleed!”