On this day in 1976, WWE Chairman Vince McMahon and his wife (and former WWE CEO) Linda McMahon welcomed their daughter, Stephanie McMahon, into the world, and little did they know at the time that their little bundle of joy would eventually become the leader of their family’s sports entertainment empire. Then again, maybe Vince and Linda did know and Stephanie’s rise to success was all part of the plan from day one. Either way, at age 38 Steph McMahon has accomplished so much, not only as the wife of HHH, one of the most dominant performers in WWF/WWE history, but as the Chief Brand Officer and a supreme ass kicker in the ring.
As she has reminded us in her most recent feud with Brie Bella, Steph has never been afraid to roll up her sleeves, get in the ring, sometimes perm her hair and get her hands dirty, not only with the WWE’s Divas, but also even its most important Superstars. And when it comes to those hands, nobody is safe from what has become a staple of the WWE’s unintentional hilarity – that’s right, the brutal slaps of Stephanie McMahon.
You see, it doesn’t matter if you’re a 7-foot tall, 435-pound monster like the Big Show, because Stephanie is not afraid to let you feel her slaps of fury.
It doesn’t matter if you’re impervious to pain like Mick Foley, and have felt the wrath of the barbed wire bat or have fallen from the tops of countless cages, because Steph’s slappity-slap is gonna getcha.
Sure, the Texas Rattlesnake “Stone Cold” Steve Austin might have always been able to get a McMahon’s goat in the end, but Steph was never afraid to bypass the bottom line and give 3:16 a piece of her mind… AND HAND!
Oh, and you can bet that IT DOESN’T MATTER if you’re talking about the Brahma Bull, the People’s Champion or the Man of Mediocre Misogyny known as The Rock, because when it comes to making sure that her man wins, Steph is going to SLAP SLAP SLAP away.
She’s taken on every Superstar that has ever stood in her way, from Y2J himself, Chris Jericho…
… to the untamed beast that they call Batista.
Randy Orton even learned the hard way that if he’s going to groan and grumble his way through a painful diatribe in front of the boss, he’d better get ready to hear negative feedback from Rosey Palm and her five friends.
Sometimes, a good, old-fashioned Stepharoonie is served up in defense, while other times it’s dished out to humiliate her foes. An example of the latter is that time that she let Paul Heyman know how she really felt about him.
However, as menacing and vengeful as Steph can be, one Superstar who has never been afraid to be on the receiving end of those SLAP SLAP SLAPPITY SLAPPEROOS is Daniel Bryan, who has felt her slightly-painful wrath not once…
… but twice! Watch out, Daniel, because you’re the first guest to show up at Steph’s SLAP PARTY!
“YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL!” the grown man yelled, hoping to be heard by the Committee to Recognize Stating the Obvious. Every once in a while, some poor schmoe steps in front of Stephanie McMahon, and that fella gets a slapper to the mouth, too. Lesson learned, ring dude!
Stephanie’s not always on the giving end of the slaps, though. A long, long time ago, the WWE’s biggest Superstar, John Cena, got to slap the boss in his own way, all while embarrassing multiple races and my beloved Orlando Magic.
Yep, that’s the guy who is the face of the company. All throughout her rise to prominence, Steph has had her fair share of feuds with both men and women, and things haven’t always gone the CBO’s way. For example, there was the time that she attacked Sable, not with her trademark slap, but with a champagne shower.
But what didn’t kill her, only made Stephanie slap harder. Debra and her puppies learned that the hard way when they messed with Steph in the backstage area, because the slaps met her face like thunder in the heavens.
Once Steph had discovered her full slapping potential and the true power of the McMahon name, no woman in the WWE ranks was safe. Not Lillian Garcia…
Not Trish Stratus…
And, as we’ve seen recently, not even Brie Bella.
In fact, Steph has become so slap happy that once she had landed that almighty hand on Brie, she decided that it was time for Nikki Bella to get a taste of pain as well.
Just because the boss can, Steph went back to Brie to make sure that she remembered what it all felt like.
I guess a great question might be, “Where does this woman get it from?” Let’s just say that the SLAPPLE doesn’t fall far from the tree.
That’s right, long before Steph was slappin’ away, Linda McMahon was mastering the Palm of Shame technique. However, the student almost always becomes greater than the master, and that can lead to an entire family being torn apart by open hands.
Once Stephanie had turned on her mother, no one in the McMahon family was safe. Not her brother Shane…
… and especially not even her own father, Vince McMahon.
Unfortunately, a power this great will eventually result in chaos, causing someone like Steph to just start slapping everyone in her sight, including her brother again, and even her husband.
The chaos can only be stopped by the master, who must once again come to confront her pupil and use the power of the slap to put an end to her wayward assaults.
Just as the caterpillar emerges from the cocoon as a butterfly, we can only hope that Stephanie McMahon will harness her amazing power and take the leap to a new level soon, so that she can continue to be the most powerful woman in WWE history. And based on the range that she has already shown us in the past, I think I have a good idea of what skill might just supplant the slap as Steph moves ahead beyond her 38th birthday…