The Slammy Awards Have Been Canceled, And The Angels Did Rejoice

Every December, WWE holds their ‘Slammy Awards’ show, handing out golden statues for things like “LOL! Moment” and “Trending Now Hashtag Of The Year.” Every December, without fail, the Slammy Awards is the worst show of the year. In 2012, it opened with Hornswoggle in an afro wig. Last year, The Rock won a Slammy for calling Vickie Guerrero a fat hooker. You watch the screen hoping for some wrestling, but nope, it’s just Santino in a suit handing Kofi Kingston a trophy for “best predictably all-right thing in a Royal Rumble.”

The 2014 Awards were originally planned for the December 29th RAW from Washington, DC, but the observationalists at the Observer are saying it’s off. There’s a live event in Richmond, VA, on the same night, and that would split the roster too much. That’s also the last Raw of the year, meaning they can’t realistically do any “makeup” event for 2014 afterwards. With WWE’s focus on social media and branding, you know they aren’t going to reference 2014 a week into 2015. So … are we in the clear?

Here’s my idea for reforming the Slammys: make the show a WWE Network exclusive. Do it like a real awards show. You can have people get into fights if you want, but spend an entire three hours handing out trophies and setting up stories without trying to cram 90 second wrestling matches between them. It’s a great place to promote your causes, shoehorn in some celebrity guests and work-honor your performers. Everybody wins, and anybody who cares about the pageantry or whatever can watch it between reran episodes of ‘Legends House.’

We’ll keep you up to date with pictures of me lying facedown in my floor if this news changes.