ProWrestling

‘Total Divas’ Episode Recap Pt. 2: The One With Rosa’s Vibrator Running Wild

I trust that we’ve all used our time off between these recaps of last night’s double feature of Total Divas to cut our skulls open and rinse our brains with bleach so that we can get right back to the action. When we left the Divas, they were returning from Curacao, and the Bella Twins had made up after their latest fight as they always do, while Eva Marie and Jonathan caused one hotel to implement stronger black light policies, and Cameron and Vincent made the decision to buy a home together. But the star of the show was Nattie, whose entire existence is defined by the fact that she just can’t get laid.

Specifically, her husband, the delightfully goofy Tyson Kidd, won’t body slam her on a bed and go to town on her, and we know this because she says it constantly. In fact, her tombstone will read: “Here lies Nattie, who died because her husband wouldn’t wreck her lady biz.” So how does this episode start off? Did it feature a poignant moment of a woman struggling to achieve success inside the ring, or perhaps wondering about the true identity of a female in a company dominated by male personalities? Nah, it started with a vibrator.

Let’s get on with the recap for the seventh episode of Season 3, “The Double Cross”…

Pre-Episode Total Divas Power Rankings

(Please refer to the post-episode rankings from the last episode, since nothing changed in the 20 minutes since I stopped writing that one.)

Rosa Mendes Just Can’t be Satisfied, You Guys

(There wasn’t video available for this, so imagine it looked like this…)

Nattie and Rosa often share a car for traveling from venue to venue, because none of the other Divas can really stand them. Within a few minutes of leaving their latest hotel, they hear a loud buzzing in one of their bags, and it turns out to be Rosa’s vibrator that she readily admits that she just used that morning. I cannot emphasize enough how unsexy Rosa is, if that means anything to the WWE or Total Divas writers who keep trying to shove her big fake breasts in our faces to accept that she possesses any real value to the company and/or series. I hate being a guy who criticizes a woman’s looks or sexuality – as I’ve totally been that bro in the past – but when Rosa shows up on the screen, I just want to say and write awful things. I’m sorry if this makes me an asshole, but after Nattie compared Summer Rae to an ostrich in the last episode, I’m just doing what I learned from this show.

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