Previously, on Total Divas: The season seven premiere introduced us to Nia Jax and Alexa Bliss, and Jon Uso reminded us that THEY GOT SPAGHETTI.
And now, the most outrageous, outlandish moments from season 7, episode 2 of Total Divas.
Money Within The Confines Of The Bank
This week’s episode picks up exactly where last week’s left off: with the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. We get Natalya still being very worries about the ladder match, and we get our proper introduction to new cast member Carmella, right after she becomes the first Miss Money in the Bank. We get a bit of James Ellsworth helping her win, but sadly, that blowback isn’t really addressed, despite me thinking it would be.
Carmella talks a bit about herself, and about her boyfriend Big Cass, who is on the other brand. We don’t actually get to know her as well as I thought we would in this episode, but there’s a whole season still ahead of us and a LOT happens on this episode.
Also at Money in the Bank, Lana has her first pay-per-view match. More on that in a bit.
Diva Babysitters
At the beginning of this episode, Nattie FaceTimes with Brie and Birdie, and starts thinking she might have baby fever. This is disproven almost immediately after Natalya and Naomi offer to babysit for Brie and Bryan, as Brie is listing off what they need to do and Nattie alternates between freaking out and spacing out. While Brie and Bryan go have spectacular-looking quesadillas and fries, Naomi does a fantastic job of watching after Birdie, while Natalya plays with the dog, declines to help in any significant way, and eats watermelon.
When Brie returns home, Natalya lists all the things she did for Birdie, openly lying and taking credit for everything that Naomi did. In the end, she not only refused to even hold Birdie for fear of screwing it up, but also immediately offered to babysit again. By which I mean she volunteered Naomi to babysit, with her tagging along again.
The next time they come to babysit, Naomi insists Natalya pay attention to Brie’s instructions, and when Brie brings up that the humidifier is near the crib to help prevent SIDs, Natalya breaks down and admits that she is thoroughly terrified of trying to take care of a child, and realizes that her maternal instincts might not actually extend beyond the locker room, or her cats. This is just the FIRST super raw and honest thing to happen in this episode.
Wrestling Fans Suck
Okay, so, on to the saga of Lana and her bad, poorly-received match at Money in the Bank. She feels like she did well enough and that the sky is the limit for improvement and for her career, but she starts to get really hung up on the things that people are saying about her wrestling ability on social media. Because wrestling fans largely suck. Search your heart. you know it to be true.
Luckily, Lana has a good mentor in Nikki Bella, who is impressed with Lana’s dedication to wanting to be a wrestler, and her hard work that she’s put in at the gym and in the ring. She wisely tells Lana to ignore social media as best she can, because it’s a learning curve going from being judged as a valet to being judged as a wrestler, and because no one who criticizes really understands the work she’s putting in.
This all leads to a title rematch against Naomi following Money in the Bank, and Lana is over the moon about how much better her third match went. She’s confident and says she’s completely ready for the years it will take to lead to improvement and acceptance from the fans, but she’s determined to put in the work it will take to become “the first ravishing WWE Women’s Champion.” Wow, shade to every other woman in history much?
Of course, that’s where everything goes way too horribly wrong, and way too real for the average episode.
Right after her match, ICE COLD MARK CARRANO pulls Lana aside and starts trying to find a nice way to tell her that WWE has changed direction on her. Lana tries to interject, so Carrano has to lay it all out for her: WWE has decided to end her training and her career as a wrestler, and she’s going back to being a manager and valet. That’s it. Full stop. No room for arguments.
Lana, understandably, can’t wrap her head around this and breaks down into tears, then calls Nikki. Nikki is similarly stunned, but pleads with Lana not to give up. Nikki also points out that WWE changes its mind from week to week with no warning, so “never again” might just mean “not this week,” and there’s a lot more Lana can still accomplish, even if she’s not able to wrestle any more for the time being.
Nikki Bella, voice of reason. Not sure I’m ready for that yet.
“Am I Even Married? Is This Open Relationship?”
It’s been far, far too long since we’ve gotten a truly Goofy Rusev Moment. Last week was all about him having trouble praising Lana, and that’s no fun. This week (before all that bad stuff with Carrano happened), Lana is talking about her MITB match with Handsome Rusev, and he keep staring at her hands. She asks him if she’s listening to him, and he says all he can focus on is wondering where her wedding ring is. She suddenly realizes she left it upstairs in her room, and Rusev facepalms (pictured), then starts pondering his existence.
He even takes his own ring off and tosses it on his appetizer plate. Poor Rusev. Just a man who had two weddings and doesn’t know how to deal with his wife forgetting her ring one time.
Maryse Wants To Upgrade Alexa’s Look
There is some REAL GOOD Alexa and Nia goodness in this episode. Maryse unexpectedly takes a shine to Alexa Bliss, but is aghast at Alexa’s personal style. She thinks Alexa needs something more haute couture than black pants, spiked converse, and jean jackets. THE DEVIL YOU SAY. Carrano explains to Alexa that Maryse is from a different era of Diva, and essentially suggests that Alexa should humor her.
Maryse takes Alexa couture shopping in Japan, which you should definitely watch above. Alexa tries on some very cool stuff that is definitely not her style and makes great Bliss faces, while Nia rolls her eyes and looks like she’s about to murder someone. Alexa and Nia’s reactions in that video are giving me life right now, not gonna lie.
The final very open and real thing to happen in this episode is Alexa opening up about her struggles with eating disorders while doing a podcast with Lilian Garcia, and realizing that Maryse passing judgment on the things she’s wearing really triggers her and takes her right back to that place where she would get down on herself and judge herself. So she tells Maryse that’s what’s going on, and since Maryse is a good friend to anyone who isn’t a Bella, she hears what Alexa is saying. It’s great, and honest, and man alive I have missed this show.
That’ll do it for this week, sadly. Join us next week for more Alexa Bliss and Nia Jax reactions, which are everything to me.
