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And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT season 3, episode 5. Sorry!
Worst: Welcome To WWE.com! Enjoy This Sexy Mechanical Bull-Riding Competition
Now that NXT has been banished to the wasteland of pre-“we’ve figured out the Internet” WWE.com, it’s free to be the show it wants to be … no longer shackled by the demands of a television network or the expectations of the casual viewer. This week’s opener is a stunning, under-the-radar 15-minute match between AJ and Kaitlyn. They kick out of each others’ finishers, Kaitlyn delivers a brainbuster on the apron and the crowd erupts into a huge “this is awesome” chant. After the match they hug, tears in their eyes, because they both love this business so much and understand the brotherhood — or sisterhood — that comes from this deep, lasting respect.
I’m kidding. The first 10 minutes is a sexy bull-riding competition.
The problem (okay, one of the problems) is that it’s not even a SEXY bull-riding competition. Normally with a mechanical bull like this it’ll rhythmically move up and down and the rider’ll go along with it. The guys in whatever country western club or spring break setup this is happening in imagine themSELVES as the bull, and boners occur. Here, the bull just slowly spins in a circle, then goes slightly faster until the girl falls off. It’s basically “stand up on a merry-go-round” the competition. The only boners occurring are the Bella Twins trying to look sexy as they fall two feet to the floor of a bouncy house.
Best: Aksana’s Best Day Ever
The weirdest thing about this episode is that it makes Aksana look like a SUPERSTAR.
Aksana is on her game all episode long. Long gone are the days of WHAT IS LLAMA. Everybody else gets on the bull and falls off in 10 seconds … Aksana holds on strong, clutches the bull with her legs even when she’s falling off and manages to last over 17. It’s one of those brief moments when you remember, “oh, Aksana won a bunch of fitness competitions.” If I say “Aksana,” you picture stupid shoe-onesie Aksana crawling around awkwardly in a circle, right? She should be lifting turds like Jamie over her head and throwing them halfway down the ramp.
Best/Worst: AKSANA DRIVER ’10
You can tell a match is gonna be good when the first move on the highlight video is Maxine not knowing how to take a snapmare and turning it into the Party Foul.