WWE SummerSlam 2015 happens this Sunday, headlined by one of the biggest rematches of all-time: The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar. It’s the kind of thing that gets people on SportsCenter and has even casual wrestling fans talking.
It hasn’t always been like this. SummerSlam’s been around since 1988, which means it’s had its fair share of stinkers in the main-event spot. We wanted to take a look at some of the worst and most unusual matches to ever headline The Biggest Party of the Summer, and good lord. If Brock vs. Undertaker II is terrible, scroll through this list and be grateful it isn’t worse.
Let us know what you think is the worst (or most ridiculous) match in SummerSlam history in our comments section below. Until then, here’s a bunch of celebrities, weddings and unnecessary backflips.
SummerSlam ’89 – Movies Become Reality
Watch it here on WWE Network
In 1989, Hulk Hogan made the classic film No Holds Barred. In it, a fictional version of the already fictional Hulk Hogan physically murders a guy for trying to steal his spot on a wrestling show. He’s the hero. There’s uh, more to it than that, but it’s easily the best way to describe No Holds Barred. Also, Hulk does semi-nude push-ups.
Anyway, the fictional villain from that film, Zeus, wandered into reality and claimed he was also better than actual Hulk Hogan. The two looked to settle their score at SummerSlam ’89 in a tag team match that is mostly an exercise in balancing out talent. Zeus teams with a great wrestler (Macho Man Randy Savage), Hogan teams with a terrible one (Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake). The match doesn’t settle anything, spoiler alert, and ends with Hogan hitting Zeus with a purse. Seriously.
For more information, here’s a coke-fueled promo about how Hulk and Brother Bruti “hooked up” and got into a traffic jam.
SummerSlam ’91 – A Wedding
Watch it here on WWE Network
For the record, Macho Man Randy Savage proposing to Miss Elizabeth is one of the all-time great (and most quotable) segments in WWE history.
It resulted in “A Match Made In Heaven,” also known as Macho Man and Elizabeth getting married at SummerSlam. While this in itself isn’t a bad idea, there are three problems: It’s the main-event of SummerSlam, Macho and Liz had already been married for half a decade and it ends with Jake the Snake and The Undertaker giving them a f*cking cobra as a wedding gift. I know most of that either doesn’t matter or sounds awesome, but imagine any modern WWE pay-per-view ending with a wedding where a snake-themed guy gives snakes as presents. The only reason that even happened is because Jake was supposed to be feuding with The Ultimate Warrior, but Warrior was holding the company ransom and Vince McMahon needed to suspend him and force his resignation as soon as possible. The wrestling business, everybody!
If you’re wondering what the match before this was, it was Hogan and Warrior in a handicap match against the Iraqi sympathizer version of Sgt. Slaughter, Colonel Mustafa and General Adnan. Yep.
SummerSlam ’94 – Undertaker vs. Undertaker
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I’m seeing double… four Undertakers!
As anyone who was a kid in the 90s and loved wrestling can tell you, the main-event of SummerSlam ’94 was The Undertaker taking on The Undertaker. The build to the match could (and will) be its own feature, but here’s what you need to know: Undertaker died in a casket match, was replaced by an imposter, returned to oust said imposter and used the power of an hilariously large urn to once again become The One True Undertaker. Oh, and the entire situation was investigated by the cast of The Naked Gun.
Fake Undertaker (Underfaker) was Brian Lee, whom you may remember as “Chainz” from the Disciples of Apocalypse. No? Killdozer in ECW? Maybe?
Note: if you were wondering if Undertaker ever got revenge on the guy who killed him, yes, yes he did. He defeated Yokozuna in a casket rematch at Survivor Series ’94, with help from special guest enforcer Chuck Norris. I swear to God that’s not a joke.
SummerSlam ’95 – King Mabel
Watch it here on WWE Network
The main-event of SummerSlam ’95 might be the worst match to ever headline the show, and I’m counting a wedding with a snake swerve as a match. Ice cold WWF Champion Diesel defended his title against ice cold King of the Ring winner Mabel (of “Men on a Mission”) in front of a crowd so dead they could’ve worn hats and switched places with The Undertaker.
The match itself is nothing but 7-foot giant Diesel being unable to budge Mabel due to extreme fatness, a bunch of run-ins and a finish straight out of the Lawrence Taylor WrestleMania playbook. Check this out and you’ll be begging for Zeus bearhugging Hulk Hogan.
SummerSlam ’03 – Elimination Chamber
Watch it here on WWE Network
Back in the days before the Elimination Chamber had its own show, it was a gimmick match they tossed onto pay-per-views without a lot of heat or stories. This one is one of the worst, and a great example of why over a decade later, some folks on the Internet can’t forgive loving NXT papa Triple H for his past transgressions. Circa 2003, this guy was the worst.
Basically what happened is this: WWE had finally signed Goldberg, and after a rocky start, he was starting to connect with crowds. Instead of putting him into dumb stories, WWE was just like, “go out and spear people and crush them,” and crowds were like, “oh wow, this is so much better.” That culminated in an Elimination Chamber match where Goldberg is God, and the crowd will do anything to see him murder-death-kill everyone in the ring and become World Heavyweight Champion.
Unfortunately, current World Heavyweight Champion Triple H refuses to let that happen. He’s injured, so he sits in a pod the entire match, lets Goldberg get as over as possible with the crowd, then pops in for about a minute of in-ring work. One sledgehammer counter to a spear later and H is still your champ, as WE DECIDE WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU flashes in bright lights above the ring. I guess the theory was that there was money in Goldberg chasing Triple H, which is such a wonderful misunderstanding of why people liked Goldberg. That picture of Triple H holding up his middle finger is really all you need to know. Goldberg would get his win at Unforgiven, when nobody cared. H would pin him again at Armageddon 2003, then continue to win championship after championship while Goldberg drifted off into oblivion. BYE FOREVER, MONEY!
SummerSlam ’05 – Benny Hill
Watch it here on WWE Network
If you’ve never seen this match, you’re in for a treat.
Hulk Hogan wrestled Shawn Michaels. Shawn didn’t want to lose, but he had to. What results is Shawn wrestling one of the least believable matches of all-time, selling even Hogan’s lightest offense like he’s a Fallout character getting murked by a Deathclaw. It’s ragdoll physics from bell to bell, with Hogan bleeding and doing big hand gestures while Shawn backflipped and somersaulted for no reason.
Enjoy:
