In today’s “Rumours We Really Hope Aren’t True,” The Wrestling Observer is saying that WWE is batting around the idea of splitting up the Dudleyz, and not just so they can feud with each other. Apparently they want Bubba Ray to be more like Bully Ray, his ever-confusing and infuriating character on Impact Wrestling. Though it’s just an idea at this point, and someone probably just said “haha remember Aces & Eights” at catering once and it’s spiraled out of control, whoa, guys, slow down. Let me take a break from all this riotous laughter to say that’s a super bad idea.
For those of you who haven’t been regular viewers of Impact Wrestling, or read the actual thousands of words I had to write about special friends biker gang Aces & Eights, again, super bad idea. What happened, did they get the news about John Cena and thought hey, you know what would really connect with kids? A guy who…
– lures a young girl into marriage so he can humiliate her family on television,
– is physically controlling and abusive towards the lady he was actually hooking up with during their courtship,
– is terrible at kidnapping (he had Kurt Angle for like what, an afternoon?),
– couldn’t hold a faction of dudes together, but refused to accept any responsibility for his own shortcomings and lashed out at everyone around him,
– and threatened to piledrive someone’s wife onto a casket after setting his newborn babies on fire,
– like a million other things oh my god was I the only one watching this show?
Of course, that’s not forgetting the constant attempts to injure his coworkers, and putting his boss through a table after terrorizing her and stalking her in her own home. Then, there was his insincere change in heart, standing up for all of the coworkers he had been beating up with hammers because they’re the real heart and soul of the company he spent all that time trying to destroy. You know, when you read all of that back, TNA is weird as hell. Why was I the only one watching this show??
We’re also pretty sure he’s never done a welfare check on the handjob honeys they left behind; 90% sure they all turned feral, and can only be seen at night fighting raccoons for scraps in the dumpsters behind the old Impact Zone.
I dunno, maybe someone on the creative team is a huge fan of Trapped In The Closet videos, but hasn’t yet figured out that Impact Wrestling produced this with all sincerity:
That or he hates his job and really wants to see Stephanie McMahon put through a table. New and better idea that you can totally have for free: fire that guy, probably.