WWE Released A Statement Denying CM Punk’s Allegations Backed By This Carefully Crafted Video Of Butts

02.21.15 4 years ago 52 Comments

WWE’s legal team has advised them to take the Tammy Wynette approach, and they are standing by their Amann. To quickly play catch-up, CM Punk and Colt Cabana are being sued for defamation by WWE physician Dr. Chris Amann for saying that he misdiagnosed a growth on Punk’s back, refused to treat it, and then haha whoops it was a staph infection. WWE has issued the followed statement:

In light of CM Punk’s allegations regarding WWE’s medical staff and the subsequent defamation lawsuit filed by Dr. Amann against CM Punk, WWE continues to have the utmost confidence in the ability and expertise of our world-class team of physicians, including Dr. Amann.

CM Punk claimed this past November that during the Royal Rumble pay-per-view event on January 26, 2014 he performed with a baseball-sized, purple lump on his back located near the waistband of his tights.

WWE’s investigation has shown the following:

– CM Punk did not discuss this alleged condition with WWE’s team of physicians and trainers, nor did he discuss it with anyone in our Talent Relations department.
– Subsequently, WWE has no medical records documenting this alleged condition.
– The first time WWE was made aware of this alleged condition was when we received a letter from CM Punk’s attorney on August 22, 2014 after WWE terminated his contract.
– There is clear video evidence from the 2014 Royal Rumble, which allows all to decide whether there is any appearance of a baseball-sized growth on CM Punk’s back.

So, to recap, WWE says CM Punk is a liar whose pants, when he’s wearing them, are definitely on fire. Someone also got paid to not only think of making a butt montage, but to make said butt montage. I just imagine this wonderful moment of panic at Titan Towers where Vince is going apoplectic over some poor intern’s shoulder, frantically pointing at CM Punk’s ass shouting “ZOOM AND ENHANCE, GODDAMNIT! DO THE CSI THING TO HIS BUTT!”

It’s a golden age for wrestling, folks.

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