Welcome to the weekly assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers report, where we read somebody else’s spoilers and jump to a bunch of conclusions about them without having watched the show. Smackdown’s getting pretty good recently, even though the WWE main roster is like 12 people deep.
On this week’s show, the Road To Payback continues with all the stuff you saw on Raw, but a little different.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
– The show opens with Miz TV, because WWE wrote TALK SHOW SEGMENT on the dry-erase board in permanent marker, can’t figure out how to erase it, and can’t afford a new board. Miz TV sets up Miz vs. AJ Styles, which could have also been set up by random selection on Fire Pro Wrestling Returns. Dean Ambrose and Sami Zayn vs. Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens is also set up, because Smackdown.
1. Ryback defeated WWE United States Champion Kalisto. This was a non-title match. Chances Michael Cole screamed RYBACK HAS PINNED THE UNITED STATES CHAMPION set at 100 percent. We were all jonesing for that red hot Kalisto vs. Ryback feud to continue, weren’t we?
2. Dolph Ziggler vs. Baron Corbin ended before it began, with Corbin beating up Ziggler outside the ring and hitting End of Days. I hope they have a match at Payback that’s just security footage of Corbin throwing Ziggler down a flight of stairs.
3. AJ Styles defeated The Miz. Miz tried to take a count-out at one point, but was stopped by Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson. That let Styles win the match, and he had a staredown with them afterwards. The big reveal here should be that Miz and Maryse are in charge of the Bullet Club, just so their slogan can be, “It’s Reeeeeal World!!”
– Anderson and Gallows will have their first match on Raw against the Usos. Face paint or bust.
4. Paige and Natalya defeated Tamina Snuka and Naomi. The faces (?) won with stereo Sharpshooters. Paige reportedly got a big reaction, which we hope leads to Paige being an actual character on the wrestling shows again and not just the lady in hats in the background of Total Divas.
5. R-Truth defeated Fandango. BARNBURNER. Goldust was the special guest referee, and the spoilers I read said, “they danced after the match.” THE BARN IS BURNING.
– Enzo Amore and Big Cass cut a promo and were interrupted by the Vaudevillains. This was to hype their tournament finals match at Payback. Meanwhile, the Ascension sat around at home and did a little laundry.
– Primo and Epico like where they come from, which makes them bastards.
6. Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens defeated Sami Zayn and Dean Ambrose. Following the match, Sami Zayn was eliminated from NXT. I’m kidding, but hey, can we get a Sami Zayn vs. Fandango match on Raw or something so Sami can beat a guy in a match and look like he’s doing it on purpose?
