We’re only a couple of weeks away from Smackdown going live on Tuesdays, so enjoy these assumptive WWE Smackdown spoilers reports while they last. Pretty soon you’re going to have to actually watch the show and form your own opinions, rather than just reading someone’s third-hand account of a stranger’s second-hand report of a taping nobody involved actually saw.
On this week’s show, a surprisingly fresh card and booking so stale it might actually make you choke.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
1. Cesaro defeated Sheamus, Apollo Crews and Alberto Del Rio in a Fatal 4-Way. This was a match to name a new #1 contender to the United States Championship, because I guess that whole thing about Titus O’Neil’s count-out victory getting him back into title contention was total bullsh*t. On the bright side, Cesaro vs. Rusev is a thing we can all get into. After the match, Sheamus jumped Cesaro and beat him up, so … forget that bright side, I guess.
2. United States Championship Match: Rusev (c) defeated Cesaro. Thanks a lot, Sheamus!
3. Dana Brooke defeated Billie Kay. Brooke squashed Kay because Peyton Royce needs six more months in NXT smelling flowers before she’s ready.
– Dean Ambrose was a guest on Miz TV. Because WWE talk show segments have more fighting in them than the wrestling matches, the interview ended in a fight and set up the night’s main event.
4. Braun Strowman and Erick Rowan defeated local talent. I hope these were the same two guys Enzo and Cass squashed on Monday. Actually, I take that back; I hope the local talent was The Ascension, and that everyone just forgot who they were.
5. Sasha Banks defeated Summer Rae. Hey, Summer gets to wrestle this week! Hope this goes 45 minutes and ends with a lariat/Yakuza kick exchange.
6. Dean Ambrose defeated The Miz. In the New Era, the Intercontinental Champion loses all of his matches. This is totally different from the previous era.