Is there a thing I love more than incredibly dated, pre-Hulkamania WWF segments? I mean, yeah, sure, people keep putting tiny animals in sweaters and then posting pictures of it to the internet, but look, I still love wrestling in the early ’80s a lot. Check out this clip of ‘other outstanding members of the World Wrestling Federation’ telling you their Christmas wishes and stumbling through festive holiday greetings.
The most adorable has to be perennial enhancement talent Salvatore Bellomo, who is happy if you just come see him and talk to him. Classy Freddie Blassie wants more diamonds, more gold, more jewelry, more money, and at least half of them want a championship. Salvatore? Nah man, he just wants senpai (or anybody) to notice him.
The Masked Superstar says that 1984 is going to be his best year ever because he’s going to get a very very good holiday present. Bill Eadie left the WWF in 1984, so…oops. Bob Backlund follows up a primarily nonsensical (and probably super racist) (a lot of this is pretty racist) rant from Mr. Fuji about wanting less Americans and more Japanese Geisha girls by saying he just wants everyone to be equal, and peace all over the world. He also does it while looking positively terrifying:
I love Bob Backlund like most people love Bob Backlund — he’s pretty great after all — but tell me that guy isn’t the lead in a lesser-known Amicus Productions flick about a guy who’s gonna cook and eat your skin for Christmas.
The Iron Sheik is still speaking for himself, and he’d love to win the belt from totally-not-a-serial-killer Bob Backlund to take it back to Ayatollah Khomeini. Naw, this totally holds up, what are you talking about? Timeless, really. I mean, just look at Jimmy Snuka. 1983 was a real banner year for that guy.