The ‘Automatic Sperm Extractor’ (Handjob Robot) Is Coming To Chinese Hospitals

Yes. That’s exactly what you do with this. It’s a “pull my finger” game. Nothing more. Nothing at all.

Back in 2011, we saw this hand job machine — er, I mean “automatic sperm extractor” — on Reddit and immediately needed to know more (for a friend). At the time, we learned this thing was priced at $2,800 (Could we borrow $2,800? For a friend?). Back then, the company which makes it, Sanwe Medical Equipment Co., Ltd., was advertising the product on their website with the awesome sales pitch, “We consistently adhere to the service philosophy of ‘Customer is friend rather than God’ and hope to provide users more benefits, more convenience and more enjoyable healthy life with our superior quality products, thoughtful service and absolute faithfulness.”

They may have to drop the part about “absolute faithfulness”, because this handjob machine is now taking all comers at a hospital in Nanjing, China.

Although it’s not entirely obvious in the videos below, the automatic sperm extractor can be adjusted for height, frequency, amplitude, and temperature. It also has a screen on it; we’ll let you guess why. (You guessed it. Minesweeper.)

The videos have been moved to the next page since they’re probably NSFW.

And because we are mature, professional individuals, here’s an entirely relevant video:

Via The Mary Sue, Reddit, Sanwe Medical Equipment Co., and Team Submarine.