Trump Had A Predictably Chill Response To Becoming The First U.S. President Ever Indicted On Criminal Charges

Donald Trump was right about being indicted. He was just off by nine days. On Thursday, March 30, the guy who reportedly coined the mean nickname “Meatball Ron” became the first president to be brought up on criminal charges in American history. Not even Richard Nixon was indicted. It’s that impressive. It took Trump about an hour to make a public statement, and when he did it was predictably chill.

“This is Political Persecution and Election Interference at the highest level in history,” Trump hyperbolically wrote on his rinky-dink Twitter clone. From there he played the greatest hits.

“From the time I came down the golden escalator at Trump Tower, and even before I was sworn in as your President of the United States, the Radical Left Democrats – the enemy of the hard-working men and women of this Country – have been engaged in a Witch-Hunt to destroy the Make America Great Again. Movement. You remember it just like I do: Russia, Russia, Russia; the Mueller Hoax; Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine; Impeachment Hoax 1; Impeachment Hoax 2; the illegal and unconstitutional Mar-a-Lago raid; and now this.

Trump then claimed that the Democrats have “lied, cheaten and stolen in their obsession with trying to ‘Get Trump.’” He also accused them of cheating “countless times over the decades,” though he could only name accusations he’s made concerning himself.

He also reiterated claims that Manhattan district attorney Alvin Bragg was “hand-picked and funded by George Soros” — a famous dog whistle. He also claimed Bragg was “doing Joe Biden’s dirty work,” while “ignoring the murders and burglaries and assaults” he says are rampant in New York City. (In fact, the crime index in NYC was down in February by 5.6% what it was last year, when it was nowhere near what it was some 30 years ago.)

Trump ended on an optimistic note, sort of. “I believe this Witch-Hunt will backfire massively on Joe Biden,” he wrote. “The American people realize exactly what the Radical Left Democrats are doing here. Everyone can see it. So our Movement, and our Party – united and strong – will first defeat Alvin Bragg, and then we will defeat Joe Biden, and we are going to throw every last one of these Crooked Democrats out of office so we can MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.”

Not long after dropping the official statement, which was short on all-caps raging, he dropped another, more uncut one, where he even misspelled the legal thing happening to him.

“These Thugs and Radical Left Monsters have just INDICATED the 45th President of the United States of Amderica, and the leading Republican Candidate, by far, for the 2024 Nomination for President,” he wrote. He then hit the caps lock button. “THIS IS AN ATTACK ON OUR COUNTRY THE LIKES OF WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE. IT IS LIKEWISE A CONTINUING ATTACK ON OUR ONCE FREE AND FAIR ELECTIONS. THE USA IS NOW A THIRD WORLD NATION, A NATION IN SERIOUS DECLINE. SO SAD!”

Will the news of Trump being held accountable for his actions rally the splintered GOP together? Or will the bug guy continue to try out weak mean nicknames for his likely 2024 Republican rival while being fingerprinted by law enforcement? Stay tuned.