The Nintendo Direct conference on Wednesday provided a look at numerous upcoming games and products, but f*ck all that because they showed Mario’s nipples and we need to talk about this. While showing Mario playing frisbee with an adorable Shiba Inu on a beach in Super Mario Odyssey, the former plumber busted out the chest pepperoni and Twitter was not prepared. In light of this especially noteworthy development, we’ve collected some of the funniest tweets about Mario’s nipples and yes we’re doing this. Let my food poisoning-induced loopiness be your gain.
At first some people noticed how much happier Mario seems now that he’s quit his job.
Weird how Mario quits working and suddenly he's happier than he's been in years those things can't be related pic.twitter.com/a3EKZBgAkO
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) September 14, 2017
Then others zeroed in on two specific details of the photograph, Mario’s nipples, and its-a disturbing.
https://twitter.com/9_volt88/status/908100044527632385
this is great because i was just wondering about the status of Mario's nipples pic.twitter.com/WFUBxpUesd
— Nick Robinson (@Babylonian) September 13, 2017
Not everyone handled it well:
https://twitter.com/noozy642/status/908120659120869377
I guess during #NintendoDirect we found out what everyone really cares about in Super Mario Odyssey.. pic.twitter.com/6mlvQ8ulpM
— NRG (@NRGgg) September 14, 2017
Some dealt with their feelings using photoshop:
https://twitter.com/RosePrinceTrey/status/908110934102695936
The Body Issue, ESPN Magazine, October 2017 pic.twitter.com/GUmQgtN5vW
— Luke Plunkett (@LukePlunkett) September 13, 2017
Baywatch (2017) pic.twitter.com/6OKhwTVy2s
— woops (@woops) September 13, 2017
Others raised pertinent questions:
https://twitter.com/Jam_sponge/status/908104476002852864
MARIO NIPPLES CONFIRMED but no chest hair. I thought he was Italian? https://t.co/fU7xcHZGwu
— Barry Kramer (@razzadoop) September 13, 2017
https://twitter.com/McKelvie/status/908106466225213440
Some even came up with philosophical questions the implications of which may cause us to lose sleep:
https://twitter.com/Veggiefact/status/908163299682013185
https://twitter.com/shinobuheck/status/908198985285828609
Others got topical:
Loving the new direction Nintendo is taking with shirtless Mario. pic.twitter.com/f23CMzsqZe
— Tal Waterhouse (@iiTalW) September 14, 2017
Sometimes disturbingly topical:
ted pic.twitter.com/ztJeq1PIkl
— Ben Rosen (@ben_rosen) September 13, 2017
Others took a closer look:
Woah! Look what happens if you zoom right in on Mario's nipples pic.twitter.com/4miOKt954Z
— Ian Higton (@IanHigton) September 13, 2017
https://twitter.com/AWDtwit/status/908100849901068288
https://twitter.com/radiatoryang/status/908103126493941761
And for some reason Link didn’t have nipples in the footage of him shown during the Nintendo Direct, which also raised questions:
2017 is the year we learned that canonically Mario has nipples and Link doesn’t pic.twitter.com/cz47qXAtva
— Joel Bernstein (@CastIrony) September 13, 2017
mario has nipples and link does not. so what the fuck
— Porygon (@PorygonNews) September 13, 2017
NINTENDO: what if link took off his shirt
INTERNET: go on
NINTENDO: what if king dedede and mario took off their
INTERNET: no stop
— Crushed (@silenttakedown) September 13, 2017
everyone was so horny to play as naked link they didn't consider the consequences. now we have naked mario. i hope you're happy.
— charlie (@ɢᴇᴛ.ᴠᴇɴᴛ)🧅💨 (@getvent) September 13, 2017
King Dedede and other characters were also a topic of debate:
double standards much, nintendo? pic.twitter.com/fO4CV3CF7H
— Nathan Grayson (@Vahn16) September 13, 2017
Mario has nipples, Lyn has shorts and King Dedede is swole. What a time to be alive pic.twitter.com/w9JVNGkBvZ
— Knightmare (@InTheKnyte) September 14, 2017
mario = nips
detailed fe character = no nipsnintendo explain pic.twitter.com/YdTC4wJLb5
— giselle (@giselledoodles) September 13, 2017
There were conspiracy theories about Mario’s tribal tattoo:
https://twitter.com/geistbox/status/908100704014827522
Mario Odyssey proves that, in canon, Mario has had this tattoo removed. pic.twitter.com/2g2WTevre4
— Jack Grimes (@Jackapedia_) September 13, 2017
https://twitter.com/andrtunes/status/908104169269194753
And more conspiracies that could BLOW THIS WHOLE THING WIDE OPEN:
Upon further inspection, Mario has been shirtless before…but DIDN'T HAVE NIPPLES. He GREW nipples for Odyssey. Story of the CENTURY. pic.twitter.com/V0luiEUYxC
— GoNintendoTweet (@GoNintendoTweet) September 14, 2017
Mario has nipples. Ok big deal. Did u think the yellow circles on his overalls were buttons? They've always been nipple pasties. Grow up.
— hiii i'm ruben hello (@urbanfriendden) September 13, 2017