Have you ever wondered what it’d be like if Zeb Colter was French? Sure you have, don’t be silly. Frenchy was about as close as you’ll ever get to that, right down to the adorably xenophobic handwritten signs (“USA IS NOT OK”). He was really only French Canadian, but I’m going to count him anyway. Martin did some wrestling, but is mostly remembered as a manager for people like Dino Bravo in the late 80’s. He’s been retired since 1990, but he still pops up at indy wrestling shows around Canada and the United States as a special guest.
Fifi the French Maid
I’ll the address the two elephants in the room here. First: Not really French. Not by a long shot.
Second of all… I have a tough confession to make. Almost all of my knowledge of WCW is the crappy revisionist history spoon-fed to us by Vince McMahon. I was a WWF kid growing up, so I’ve had to go back and teach myself all the cool stuff about WCW and the NWA because I’m not content with “HEY LOOK AT THE SHOCKMASTER HOW DUMB WAS THAT.” Needless to say, a lot has fallen through the cracks. So when Brandon said “Make sure you cover Fifi the French Maid for your Bastille Day thing,” I was expecting a member of the GLOW roster or something. But no, this was Ric Flair’s eye candy of choice circa 1993. And if you’re an avid watcher of Celebrity Wife Swap (really, who isn’t), you’ll know that she and Ric are actually dating now. Life imitates art!
The Poubelle Twins
If you were to reach into my brain and pull out something at random, you’d probably come up with “French maid twins who also work for a lucha libre promotion” within your first five tries, so I’m more than happy to write about these two. The Poubelle Twins are Bibi and Fifi – burlesque models, luchadoras, and people who are probably more interesting than the Bellas. Heck, where’s Celebrity Twin Swap when you need it? Speaking of reality TV, the Poubelles say on Twitter that Bibi was recently in an episode of “Sex Sent Me to the ER” on TLC. That particular program is also something you could feasibly find inside my brain.
Andre the Giant
Of course I had to save him for last. From Grenoble, weighing 520 pounds and standing at seven-foot-four, Andre Roussimoff might be wrestling’s most enduring Frenchman. He’s a former WWF Champion, he’s Fezzik from The Princess Bride, he’s the subject of a thousand drinking stories from wrestling locker rooms. After his legendary WWF run, he spent some time in All Japan Pro Wrestling before passing away due to heart failure in 1993. As one of the biggest (literally) crossover stars that wrestling ever gave the world, Andre the Giant truly has a posse.