In this week’s Smackdown spoilers report, we try something different: We’re gonna copy and paste over somebody else’s Smackdown spoilers and jump to a bunch of pessimistic conclusions about them, despite having not actually seen the show ourselves. We’ll also not watch the show on Thursday, and assume everything we wrote was the truth.
Wait, that’s what we do every week? Sorry, when I said “try something different” I meant it in the WWE sense.
What Happens On This Week’s Smackdown:
(reminder: aside from the snark, these are actual Smackdown spoilers)
1. The Dudley Boyz defeated The Prime Time Players. The New Day were on commentary. Consequences Creed seemed scared that Bully Ray and Brother Devon would defeat them for the TNA Tag Team Championships at Victory Road, and that Sting would leave as TNA World Champion.
– Stardust vs. Neville didn’t happen. Neville was jumped by The Ascension before the match could even start. If WWE’s throwing out The Ascension’s vague Illuminati Demolition gimmick and turning them into 1960s Batman rogues gallery henchmen for Stardust, I am SO INTO IT.
2. Sheamus defeated Cesaro. “We hope we didn’t trick you into believing Cesaro was ever going to win again. Enjoy Sheamus, though!” – WWE
– Lana and Dolph Ziggler were guests on Miz TV. Summer Rae interrupted and got into a fight with Lana, leading to tweets like this which have a context, but will be interpreted in the absolute worst possible ways by the worst possible WWE fans.
3. Bo Dallas defeated R-Truth. THE TOPES WIN A GAME! I assume this was some sort of undercard, WWE G1 Climax match to establish clear rankings for whoever’s losing to an important character later.
4. Charlotte defeated Tamina Snuka. Try to figure out if this is a “sorry about what’s going on with your family” match, a “take advantage of her last name to get some publicity” match or a “might as well use her once before we systematically forget she existed” match. It’s at least one of the three. After the match, Nikki Bella yelled YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS at Charlotte, and Charlotte responded NO I’M NOT while seething with jealousy, per “Divas storyline No. 1.”
5. Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose defeated Big E and Kofi Kingston. The New Day are the tag champs, so of course they’re gonna keep losing. The Un-Shield won by disqualification due to interference from, oh, let’s say Moe.
