Previously on the Best and Worst of WWE NXT: Aliyah forgot how to wrestle, Heavy Machinery continued to be the best thing in the world, and El Vagabundo happened. Ay dios mio!
If you missed this episode, you can watch it here. If you’d like to read our older columns, click over here. With Spandex is on Twitter, so follow it, and like us on Facebook. You can also follow me on Twitter.
Click the share buttons and tell people (including @WWENXT) that you dig the column. We can’t keep doing these if you don’t read and recommend them! It helps more than you know, especially for the shows that aren’t Raw and don’t have hundreds of thousands of built-in casual interests.
And now, the Best and Worst of WWE NXT for April 12, 2017.
Worst: Silent Rage
There’s no doubt that CFO$ have done one hell of a job carrying Jim Johnston’s torch in recent years. The production duo has created some of WWE’s all-time finest and most memorable themes, and their work generally sounds modern and fresh. But holy hell is the new NXT theme song atrocious. It sounds like Skinhead Rob from the Transplants heard Static-X for the first time and played the only guitar chord he knew through an overdrive pedal into a Peavey combo amp. What an absolute garbage track. Why can’t we just have “Welcome Home” back?
Best: Keep Calm And Squash On
If the new opening credits didn’t tip you off, we’re entering a new era of NXT, with a whole slew of new performers getting ring time. Tonight was filled with squash matches loaded with fresh faces, and it all started off with Aleister Black’s first appearance in the Sail Arena against, well, some dude. (Did they even give his name?) Black had fewer moves in his match tonight than Goldberg did against Kevin Owens at Fastlane — and I’m totally okay with that. Gives me more time to mosh to his theme song.
Best: I Came In Like A Wrecking Ball
Like virtually all NXT matches these days, it’s pretty obvious who’s going to win based on whether or not they get a puddin’ guy entrance (credit for that delightful term to Mundane Nights podcast). However, this extended squash match between #DIY and the team of Dylan Miley and Michael Blais actually had some strategy to it. #DIY knows their big weakness is power teams, as proven by the goose egg in the win column for their matches against Authors Of Pain.
So after Miley puts Johnny Gargano in a stalling vertical suplex for what felt like a good minute, #DIY regroups and decides to isolate Blais (or Broken Seth Rollins, as the Full Sail crowd rightly called him), eventually scoring the victory. They were right to avoid Miley, too, because afterwards, the guy completely wrecks Blais, giving NXT a new monster heel. (Or does it?)
Best/Worst: Character Development, But At What Cost?
Next, we get a nice video package about Ember Moon’s failure at TakeOver: Orlando that actually results in creating some fire in her belly and gives us reason to care about her journey toward an inevitable rematch against Asuka and (presumably) inevitable title change. However, it’s incredibly unnerving to see Ember Moon strolling around in street clothes, given her only real character development thus far was, “I am a werewolf.” She’s not a great talker, either, so now the mystique around her has officially vanished, and is being replaced with a classic underdog story. Hopefully it works.
Best: Tattoos In The Workplace
Correct me if I’m wrong (I mean, it’s the internet, so of course you will), but I’m pretty sure that Ruby Riot vs Kimberly Frankele featured the most tattoos between two female competitors in the history of WWE, which is seriously awesome. Furthermore, Riot is the first female performer I can think of in WWE history with a full-on chest piece, which again is a huge step for women’s wrestling, given how micromanaged female wrestlers’ looks can be. Shit, there was a whole episode of Total Divas about how Paige wasn’t allowed to get a tattoo as it would ruin her image. Simpler times.
The match wasn’t super special, but it didn’t have to be -— it introduced both women to the Full Sail crowd and let Riot shine enough to make you want to see her scrap with Nikki Cross one-on-one, which will hopefully happen in the near future.
Worst: Liv Morgan’s Eyewear
literal lol
Best: Oney Lorcan, Full Stop
Okay, so I know this was supposed to be Drew McIntyre’s grand return to a WWE ring, but to me, it was once again all about Oney Lorcan and his ability to both dish out and take significant punishment. His body is like that of Sheamus, in that they are both pale as hell so damage shows up instantly and makes everything feel more believable. It doesn’t hurt that McIntyre split Lorcan’s brow open with an elbow following Lorcan slapping him in the face three times in a row. It looked nasty, and there was a fair amount of blood on Lorcan’s face at the pinfall — I’ll venture a guess that it took a few stitches to close that thing back up.
Could Lorcan be the next Tye Dillinger and get himself over by sheer force of will? I look forward to seeing him try.
But yeah, as for Drew McIntyre, I was never in love with him on his initial main roster run and I haven’t seen much of what he’s done outside of WWE in the interim, so I’ll proceed with caution. I’m sure a lot of folks on here are jazzed on his return, and that’s great, but until he does something to wow me, he’ll always be the third-best member of 3MB.
Best: Thank You, Shinsuke Part Deux
Last week’s episode featured a nice video package that felt like the final sendoff for Shinsuke Nakamura, but I guess the dude deserved one more night inside the yellow ropes (and one last night without his gross new yellow Titantron graphic on Smackdown -— woof).
His speech was a nice bow on his NXT career, and it concluded with both locker rooms emptying to pay tribute to the King Of Strong Style, including surprise guest Finn Balor. Plus we got confirmation that Hideo Itami is still alive and knows how to wear a suit. Maybe we can have him debut against the Ascension again and just start his whole NXT career over! Everyone gets one mulligan, right?
Next week: Tye Dillinger will get sent off to Smackdown in style via a steel cage match against SAnitY’s Eric Young, and we probably get, like, four more squash matches.
