Hey, Blue Team.
I don’t remember the Road to WrestleMania being this long. How is WrestleMania not here already? Shouldn’t this Sunday be WrestleMania? The Royal Rumble was six months ago, and I’m not sure if Roadblock was a thing that actually happened or not. It feels like we should be halfway to Orlando by now.
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And now without further ado, here is The Best and Worst of Smackdown for March 17, 2016.
Worst: Ramblin’ Reigns
This week’s Smackdown starts off with the Smackdown return of Roman Reigns, now with Regular Superstar Entrance. Roman coming down the entrance ramp instead of through the audience definitely makes more sense, but it always kind of just makes him seem like a generic wrestler. Reigns keeping some Shield specifics was at least a little interesting and gave him some character. Now he has no character at all. Mauro Ranallo refers to him as the “rabid big dog.” It’s the perfect nickname because it’s nothing. It’s generic and nothing. He’s here to cut a promo about what he did to Triple H on Monday, and what he’s going to do to him at WrestleMania. He says that “you’ve seen the footage, and that’s what happens when you run your mouth.” That’s why he beat up Triple H? Because Triple H “ran his mouth?” It wasn’t because he busted his nose and put him on the shelf for three weeks? Look, I could go line by line and crap all over this thing, but I won’t waste your time.
In all honesty, it’s not that bad. But it’s not that good either. I probably wouldn’t have a problem with it if it wasn’t what was leading to the main event at WrestleMania. Like if this was Roman Reigns’ promo about wrestling Kalisto for the US Title at Mania, this would be perfectly acceptable. But the WrestleMania main event should be held to a higher standard, and so should the build-up to it. The WWE has done a great job of getting me pretty excited about this year’s WrestleMania, but I still have no interest in the main event and nothing Roman Reigns says here does anything to help that.
Best: Gettin’ Up And Goin’ To Work
This week’s Smackdown emanates from Cincinnati, Ohio. So of course Dolph Ziggler vs. The Miz is on tonight’s show. It’s WWE’s go-to Ohio match. I feel like every time there’s a RAW or Smackdown in Cleveland or Cincinnati they book this match. This match features a Smackdown trademark – two Superstars that lost high-profile matches on RAW wrestling each other on Smackdown to see who is less of a loser. It’s a good match, these guys work well together. They have very good chemistry. It starts off with some nice mat wrestling by both men. Ziggler with a single leg takedown leads to a front face lock by The Miz, and then a failed pinning attempt. They grapple to the ropes and then back on their feet where Miz gives Ziggler a cheap shot while the Ref is separating them. A headlock by The Miz brings them back to the mat. We then head into a nice series of back and forth moves. The match had a really nice pace to it, both men not letting up throughout. It really makes me wish these guys had more to do at WrestleMania. What do these guys have to do at WrestleMania? Are they going to be in some sort of big multi-man Intercontinental Title match at Mania? Byron mentions the Andre the Giant Battle Royale during the match. He says that could be an opportunity for Dolph Ziggler or The Miz. Is that really where they’re going to put Ziggler, the guy that almost beat Triple H on Raw? That can’t be, right? Ziggler is the workhorse of WWE.
Think about it, is there ever a RAW or Smackdown that he doesn’t wrestle on? He deserves a better WrestleMania slot than that. Frankly, both these guys do. Maybe Ziggler will have to wait to get his WrestleMania moment until Mania comes to Cleveland. The beginning of the end is when Miz attempts a Skull Crushing Finale, but Ziggler catches him and delivers an arm drag, followed up by an attempted Famouser. Miz catches him, puts him in the power bomb position, but Ziggler turns it into a sunset flip and a failed pin attempt that’s then countered by The Miz with a figure four. Ziggler gets to the ropes then nails Miz with a superkick out of nowhere, knocking out The Miz and allowing Ziggler to get the win. Another good match from these two that makes me wonder what they’re doing with them.
Worst: Awkward
Goldust vs. Bubba Ray Dudley is the second match of the night. WWE loves doing one-on-one match-ups between members of tag teams so much that they’re doing a member of the Dudley Boyz vs. a member of Golden Truth before Golden Truth has even had a chance to have a televised match. Even though it’s a one-on-one match, it’s still the best showing the Dudley Boyz have had as heels since they turned. Bubba Ray is brutal in this match, both physically and verbally. I forgot how hate-able Bubba can be. Though there are a couple of weird moments where Bubba is really grasping for reasons to yell at Goldust, including making the connection that Goldust wears face paint and the Usos wear face paint. The match starts with D-Von Dudley pulling out a table from beneath the ring to distract Goldust so Bubba Ray can give him a cheap shot from behind, giving him an advantage he would keep for the majority of the match. There’s another weird moment later on in the match where Bubba starts hitting Goldust with the Dusty Rhodes left hand jabs and as he’s hitting him, Bubba’s yelling, “Just like your daddy!” That’s weird, right? I’m not the only one who thinks that’s weird? What is the insult here, that he’s doing Goldust’s dad’s move? He’s been doing it for almost twenty years. Was it meant to be offensive the whole time? I don’t know, but the whole thing seemed a little awkward.
Before Bubba can hit the Atomic Elbow and besmirch the American Dream anymore, Goldust catches him with a kick to the stomach then follows up by falling to his knees and slapping the doubled-over Bubba in the face. Goldust hits Bubba Ray with a couple of clotheslines, ten punches in the corner, and a bulldog. Bubba rolls out of the ring, Goldust follows him, and after a little interference from D-Von, Bubba Ray catches Goldust with a boot to the stomach as he’s getting back in the ring and Bubba Ray gets the three count. Off a boot to the stomach? That’s also weird, right? This whole match was weird. After the match, Bubba Ray and D-Von beat down Goldust until the inevitable save from R-Truth. But Truth doesn’t do much better than Goldust, who ends up being beat down himself. This brings out the Usos. There’s a little bit of a brawl between the two teams with the Dudleys walking away right before eating a pair of superkicks. I thought Triple H vs. Roman Reigns was the match I was looking forward to least at WrestleMania. Turns out I was wrong. The Usos vs. The Dudley Boyz feels like the least WrestleMania match on the card. I’m sure it will be a fine match, but I’m also sure it will be pretty forgettable.
Best: Sorry Not Sorry
Charlotte makes her way down to the ring with her dad. She’s here for two reasons; to call out Sasha and Becky, and to show that there’s no reason for Jericho or The Miz to be hanging out in the ring while these segments happen. Becky’s out first, Charlotte asks her where Sasha is and tells her that she can always count on her. Becky tells Charlotte she can count on her taking the title at WrestleMania. At this point, Sasha’s music hits and out comes The Boss. Charlotte points out that Sasha is late coming out to the ring. Sasha tells her she’s not on her schedule, and Charlotte can’t tell her when to show up. Becky chimes in that they shouldn’t be out here bickering. Charlotte agrees and jumps to the point of why she called them out there. Charlotte has brought Sasha and Becky out to apologize to Ric Flair for using the term Horsewomen when referring to Sasha and Becky. She says Becky and Sasha don’t deserve it and Charlotte’s felt guilty using that name ever since NXT.
This leads to Becky and Sasha arguing over which one will beat Charlotte at WrestleMania. Sasha points out that she’s the one who beat Charlotte for the NXT Title, while Becky talks about Charlotte needing her father to help beat her at the Royal Rumble. Just as it looks like Sasha and Becky are going to come to blows, the two of them jump Charlotte. They beat her down, then Becky delivers a suplex followed by Sasha hitting her with the Backstabber. Charlotte rolls out of the ring and stares down Sasha and Becky to end the segment. I like everything here. Becky’s mic work is fantastic and Charlotte and Sasha are pretty good too.
I love the use of continuity and exploring the history that these three have. I also like that they’ve kept Charlotte out of matches with Sasha or Becky leading up to Mania. Typical WWE booking as of late made me assume we would get a series of one-on-one non-title matches between Charlotte/Sasha and Charlotte/Becky, with Sasha and Becky pinning the champ over and over again. We don’t need anymore of that. Glad WWE is taking the opportunity to tell a unique story when it presents itself, and not just the same old challenger beats the champ in a non-title match.
Worst: Mix & Match
We return from commercial break with a video package of the British Bulldogs that’s being used to sell Burger King hot dogs. I guess Matilda loves Burger King hot dogs, and I’m equally sure the Dynamite Kid has no problem with WWE repurposing footage of their matches in order to sell them. From here, The New Day heads to the ring with bags of trash in hand. They cut a pretty lackluster promo about how each one of the bags of trash reminds them of a member of the League of Nations, and they sell some Booty-Os t-shirts along the way. This is another miss in what’s been a month of hit or miss promos from New Day. They accept the League of Nations challenge to a four-on-three match at WrestleMania. But tonight, it’s Kofi Kingston against Wade Barrett, one-on-one.
When they first started teasing it about a month ago, one of the things that I really liked about the idea of a New Day/League of Nations match at WrestleMania is the freshness of it. But that is quickly being wrestled right out of it. We got Kofi and Big E vs. Wade Barrett and Sheamus at Roadblock, then Big E and Woods vs. Rusev and Del Rio on RAW. Now here we have a one-on-one with Kofi and Barrett. By the time the road finally reaches WrestleMania, we will have seen every possible combination of these seven men in action together, leaving nothing new for Mania except the four-on-three stipulation. The match itself is not bad. Barrett dominates most of the match until Kofi catches him in the corner with a boot, and then hits a double springboard crossbody off the top rope onto Barrett. Kofi then follows up a failed pin attempt with a unique DDT that he sets up by kind of flipping over Barrett. Soon after, all the members of both teams get involved. Despite interference, Kingston is able to roll up Barrett for the win. We’re one step closer to being completely tired of seeing all these guys wrestle each other before we get to WrestleMania.
Best: Road Un-Blocked
Several times throughout tonight’s show, Smackdown cut to segments of Dean Ambrose out visiting Cincinnati, his home town. These had every right to be horrible. WWE does not have the best track record of segments involving their Superstars out in the real world. And we know what Ambrose is capable of out there; stealing hot dog carts, etc. But this is not Hot Dog Cart Ambrose. This Dean Ambrose is still on the roll he’s been on since the Rumble. He can handle anything WWE throws his way, whether it’s Brock Lesnar, Triple H, or segments on the streets of Cincinnati. The first one of these segments is Ambrose looking out over Cincinnati, talking about how the city taught him everything. How to live, how to fight, how to survive, and how to be Dean Ambrose. He says this is the knowledge that he plans on passing long to Brock Lesnar at WrestleMania. And he hopes Brock is ready.
Later in the night, we catch up with Ambrose in a Cincinnati bar. He talks about how over the years, he’s learned a lot about himself by hanging out in bars like this one. Thinking about the fights you won, the fights you lost, and dreaming of fighting for the big money on the big stage. He says the big money and fame doesn’t matter, at WrestleMania he’ll be fighting Brock Lesnar for pride, for who he is, and for where he comes from. Dean says Brock Lesnar doesn’t know what pain is, but he’s gonna find out at WrestleMania.
Eventually Dean makes his way off the streets and into the arena, where this happens:
The Social Outcasts are chilling on the ring apron. Bo Dallas is trying to talk about how The Social Outcasts will be the first team in history to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale together. But Heath Slater and Curtis Axel seem to think that they’re going to win the Battle Royale single-handedly. It’s at this point that Dean Ambrose shows up, kendo stick in hand. He easily takes out Slater and Dallas on his way to the ring, where he eliminates Adam Rose. Curtis Axel briefly gets the best of him before Ambrose turns things around and nails him with the kendo stick. The Social Outcasts are run off and Ambrose follows up with one last promo on Lesnar for tonight. He says he heard Lesnar’s going to be on Smackdown next week. That can’t be true, right? Lesnar already put in his Smackdown appearance for this decade. Well, if it is true, Ambrose will be here to call him out.
Best: Sneak Previews
This week’s Smackdown main event is a look into the future of what a full match between AJ Styles and Kevin Owens in the WWE will look like when they’re eventually given the time to have one. Much like his early matches with Ambrose, Owens is really good at knowing how to wrestle someone like AJ Styles who he knows he’ll be wrestling a million times on television over the next few years. He gives you just enough the first couple of times he wrestles someone on television, but leaves plenty left for future matches. It’s a fun back and forth match, but I mean of course it is. It’s AJ Styles and Kevin Owens. You probably know what this match is without even seeing it.
The match starts with Owens getting AJ in a side headlock, but Styles is able to push Owens off into the ropes. Styles then leap frogs him and hits him with a drop kick. Owens flips AJ over the ropes into the ring apron, where Styles attempts a springboard forearm, but Owens grabs him and hits him with a gut buster that he then follows up with a senton. After a commercial break, AJ teases a Styles Clash, but ends up getting back dropped by Owens instead. Owens rolls out of the ring, and Styles hits him with a springboard forearm off the top rope to the outside. Back inside the ring, Styles hits a Ushigorshi and attempts a pinfall. This gives Mauro an opportunity to name drop New Japan, and the internet goes wild. This is followed up by Mauro mentioning Owens’ Package Pile Driver for the first time on WWE. At one point it looks like Owens is attempting the Package Pile Driver, but he turns it into a Package Blue Thunder Bomb instead. Owens attempts a pop-up powerbomb, but Styles hits a Pele kick instead. After a trip to the top rope, Styles sets up for his Phenomenal Forearm when out comes Jericho, pyro and all. I guess if you’re going to come out and distract someone during their match, you might as well use your pyro. That’s definitely more distracting than just your music playing. It works; Styles is distracted long enough for Owens to hit pop-up powerbomb which leads to a pinfall and a Kevin Owens victory. Owens takes off one of AJ’s gloves, puts it in his mouth, and spits it out just to add insult to injury. Jericho enters the ring as Owens leaves. He stands over Styles and mockingly chants his name as Smackdown goes off the air and the Road to WrestleMania keeps rolling on.
Until next week, I’m Justin Donaldson, and we got two Smackdowns to go.
