The line between professional wrestling and comic books has always been blurry. From Superman battling amnesia for the four billionth time and donning a mask to Hulk Hogan making a cameo in Iron Man No. 227 to the fantastic recent promotional tie-ins from Lucha Underground, the larger-than-life men and women of the squared circle have always been at home inside the colored panels of comic books. Here are seven wrestlers who need their own comic book series.
7. Bray Wyatt
Wait, wait, don’t leave! We just started this! I know the Eater of Worlds (apologies to Galactus and Unicron) has not been booked in the best, ahem, firefly light lately and Monday night’s RAW the less discussed the better. This is why it is the perfect time for Bray to take a loooooonnnnggg vacation and have some precious re-booting to his canon.
Imagine a first issue of The Saga of The Eater of Worlds, where Bray returns to his beloved cult compound only to find it deserted of all of his followers. VERY easy to imagine, yes? Bray spends page after page shaking off the Hawaiian shirt trappings of his previous life. The issue ends with the disillusioned cult members burning his bayou home to the ground with Bray inside, swaying back and forth in his rocking chair muttering, “This is fine.” In the final two-page spread of the issue, Bray explodes out the front door, hurls himself into the swamp and is left for dead at the bottom of the muddy river basin.
Then we would get three Collector’s Edition hardbacks’ worth of slow, dark melancholy that is equal parts Alan Moore’s brilliant Swamp Thing run and a voodoo-drenched True Detective Season 3. The Saga of The Eater of Worlds allows us to keep all the things we loved about Bray, watch him piece himself back together (physically & mentally) and build up the true existential dread his character should have brought to the WWE.
You can’t tell me you wouldn’t flip your shit at a pasty, half-naked, soaking wet Bray Wyatt returning at the No. 30 spot in the 2019 Rumble and refusing to enter because “he’s seen things, maaaaaannnnnn … ” Time is a flat squared circle, brother.
6. The Mysterious And Handsome Stranger
There are a LOT of directions one could go with a Chikara comic book and a certain thunder frog would seem like the obvious choice here. But BOC ain’t trying to get sued on his first solo article for this website, so let’s just move on.
Imagine if Clint Eastwood’s “Man With No Name” was actually a goofy dude in tights who talked like Dusty Rhodes and hung out with a plastic pigeon sidekick. Think of the merchandising potential for the kids!
Beautiful, sweeping vistas done in Alex Ross style watercolors but with a hillbilly Deadpool as its narrator. The Good, The Bad and the Mysteriously Handsome, Hang ‘Em Medium and Once Upon A Time In Western Pennsylvania are but a few of the graphic novel instant classics one could expect from such a mysterious and handsome subject matter.
Personally, if you wouldn’t pay hard cash to see a guy throw a punch through one door of a saloon and knock out a guy 30 feet away standing next to another door, I don’t know if we can be friends. And as for adaptations: Quentin Tarantino finally gets the Rowan Atkinson-starring vehicle he’s always wanted to direct.