Best?: The Divas Title Match Was Better than the WWE Title Match
This isn’t a fantastic compliment, but the three-ish minutes of Kelly Kelly and Bella Bella was more accomplished and dynamic than Cena/Miz. Kelly took a pretty good bump off the apron, Extra Bella got in on a little Twin Magic (did Colin and Jimmy Olsen ever try this?), a finish happened. It was an average-to-poor wrestling match, which put it about third best on this card. Kelly’s got a little babyface fire in her, I’m telling you. She just needs to open her eyes all the way.
Worst: Where the Hell is Kong
I like the Kharma hides in the back on every episode of Raw, waiting for Divas to do something so she can take two steps, take off her extraneous cape thing, walk to the ring and kill folks. I don’t like that she takes the pay-per-views off. Where in God’s green name was Kharma, guys? You can’t antagonize Kelly Kelly for weeks on end, have Kelly compete at a pay-per-view (where people are paying to see what happens, nudge nudge) and not have some sort of advancement of or resolution to the story. Kharma comes out and beats up a Bella. She beats up Kelly. She beats them both up. Kelly breaks out a cell phone and tries to convince people that Kharma quit. I don’t know, something. Kelly gets in a dune buggy and drives around the arena while Kharma chases her. F**king ANYTHING.
Best: Ezekiel Jackson With 400 Straight Scoop Slams
This is the only way I’m ever going to enjoy Ezekiel Jackson. He needs to walk to the center of the ring, lift guys no matter what they try to do, and body slam them. They get up, try to punch him or whip him into the ropes, he no-sells it and body slams them. He should stand still and just scoop and slam until the guy’s back breaks or they have a seizure. Then, he pins them and his weird music with all the mumbly talking plays. Ezekiel Jackson!
Either that, or invest in some red tights and about sixty-five pairs of elbow pads for him to wear at once and call him El Hijo de Ahmed Johnson. I’m not kidding, Ahmed Johnson wore more pads than anyone in history. You could drop him from an airplane and he’d be fine. Which is funny, because they also caused him to tear eight muscles if he moved his arm.
Worst: Get Barrett Out of Here
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that Ezekiel Jackson has some cool looking scoop slams, and that Wade Barrett and The Corre need to back the hell away from him. Barrett has gone from being a main event splash to jerking the second match on a B-side pay-per-view against his own teammates. If I’m allowed to fantasy book for a minute, he and Slabriel need to reenlist Daniel Bryan and Skip Sheffield into the group and be a thing again. If I’m not allowed to fantasy book, the Corre should get shirts that don’t make them look like Hostess Cakes.