The Best and Worst of WWE Raw 5/9

By: 05.10.11

Best: R-Truth Hates Hospital Food, Loves Animal Violence Relativism

I don’t know how they turned R-Truth from the worst guy on the show into the best with nothing more than their tried and true “you people are the cause!” heel turn, but they did, and I’m happy to have him. He’s absolutely on fire, in the best and worst possible ways. The show opens with Del Rio, who is great, and Mysterio, who is great but still sort of sounds like a animated sidekick dog when he talks. Then the Miz comes out and does his Miz thing, which I enjoy, and boom, R-Truth shows up with no music (but with a Stevie Richards-style music introduction quote) and starts rambling in this weird, condescending Mammy voice about hospital food and liver lips. “You kick my dog, Imma kick your cat” might replace “you come at the king you bess not miss” on my list of appropriated threats.

Also great about R-Truth this week: His facial expressions (especially when Rey Mysterio told him what was up, and he looked like he was going to explode into yellow and turn Super Saiyan), his new ring jacket that has information about R-Truth written all over it, his advice to John Morrison regarding constipation, and the fact that he did not wrestle.

Worst Part of R-Truth This Week: He Still Hates Mexicans

Oh, yeah. I remember you in Arizona, Truth, and I still don’t like this part. Also, the Miz is from Cleveland, jerk.

Best: Mason Ryan Running

I love watching him run. He just can’t seem to do it. He looks like he’s a fat kid running toward the edge of a swimming pool for a cannonball. I also like to hear him talk. He sounds like he’s speaking in tongues. Basically what I’m trying to say is that Mason Ryan terrible at everything except wearing tanktops and passing wellness inspections. I love it. Sure, he’s Batis-2, but he doesn’t have Big Dave’s early “so bad I’m F**KING BAD” period.

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