The Best and Worst of WWE Capitol Punishment

By: 06.20.11  •  21 Comments

Best: The Finishing Stretch

The last couple of minutes of Punk vs. Mysterio were off the charts, and a great reason why they keep getting put into the ring with each other, long after their issues have been Pro Wrestling Settled. Punk ducking a 619 and catching Mysterio on his shoulders for the Go To Sleep completely makes up for him flopping into that second rope on an armdrag that wouldn’t have budged Lizmark, with the joke here being that if a breeze rolls by, Lizmark takes a floating bump into the nearest tree.

I don’t think I can write another compelling paragraph about why Punk and Mysterio was a good match, but here it is. When you put legitimately talented pro wrestlers in the ring together, no matter which parts of pro wrestling they’re talented at, good things will happen.

Also, Rey Mysterio’s face. Look at that thing.

Best/Worst: Goodbye, Punk

Before the match, CM Punk promised that he’d beat Rey Mysterio, then he would do one of the “most honest things the WWE Universe has ever seen”. What that thing is has yet to be revealed, and I really hope it isn’t CM Punk quitting WWE.

There have been rumors going around about Punk not re-signing, and while I’d love for Punk to go on a magical mystery tour of the independents where he stomps Eddie Edwards in the face in Ring of Honor, teams with Colt Cabana in CHIKARA, then stops by Austin, Texas to compete for Anarchy and then hang out and not have beers with me afterward, I don’t want the one thing I can always count on on WWE television to be great to go away. He’s really it, you know? And with wrestling interest waning as it is, WWE should do anything and everything to keep the one awesome drug free guy they’re ever going to sign (pending the signing of UltraMantis Black, which should’ve happened already) from getting away.

Of course, the “honest thing” could be disbanding the New Nexus and firing them all, because honestly, they are pretty hopeless.

Worst: Just Saying, This Could’ve Still Used Serena

Maybe the honest thing will be bringing back and re-shaving Serena Deeb, because in all honesty she shouldn’t have been fired for breaking kayfabe in a world where Dolph Ziggler defends Zack Ryder on Twitter and Vince McMahon can survive a limo explosion because he has an important message about honoring Chris Benoit on the next Raw. Bring her back, put her in that jacket thing again, shave her little burgeoning mohawk and pay her thousands of dollars to spear the water bra off of Kelly Kelly once a week.

I’m terrible at grassroots campaigning, but dammit, come on.

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